The Hawaii Chair

I just found this gem over at the gilded moose:



and while there are a million things that need to be discussed about the above video...like so many mind-blowing things...what i think takes precedence is this:

how the HELL are you supposed to get anything done if you're using that chair?!!? Like, seriously, how can anyone concentrate?!?! how did those infomercial actors even get their lines out?! what the fucking fuck?!

WRC: AI - Top 16

paula wast-o-meter: 3.4

i'm pretty amaaayzing...i was completely correct in calling the booted boys. unfortunately, i'll no longer get to marvel at how much jason yeager looks like a thick version of my best friend or how hard robbie is trying to be a rocker.

i didn't get a chance to put my two cents in about the girls before tonight's eliminations, but let me tell you this: i knew one of them white girls were going home. i mean, am i wrong here? it was two of the same girl, right? i couldn't tell them apart. one would go up and sing, and the next would go and i would either think 'isn't that the one that just went' or not be able to picture the other one. so whatevs, no big surprise there. if it matters (or if any of you can tell them crackers apart) alaina went home. and now on to my great sadness.... deep down i knew that alexandréa probably wouldn't make the top 6 girls. she was too cool, not enough people would get her. i got her. i loved her. i hoped that she would make it, but alas, she was just too awesome for idol season 7. farewell alexandréa, we hardly knew ye.

WRC: AI - Top 10 boys

Paula Wast-o-meter: 1 (!!!)

I've got a brand new 6 in:

David Archuleta
Jason Castro
David Hernandez
Chikezie
Michael Johns
David Cook

4 out:

Luke Menard
Danny Noriega
Robbie Carrico
Jason Yeager


I was planning on putting my girls and boys post together, but i have to wake up wicked early tomorrow and haven't had a chance to watch the girls perform tonight and won't be able to watch it before results. whatevs. you don't care. of the boys i think we'll say bye to robbie and jason.

Subway Spotlight: Confused Model (?)

Today's Subway Spotlight is brought to you by one injured left wrist, and one sprained right ring finger (thanks boxing!)...so keep in mind that the wrist is wrapped and the finger is taped, and at some point i'm going to get tired of hitting the delete for my typos.

I was on my way home from work today in the thick of rush hour...like no room on the train rush hour...and since i was stuck in between people in one of those middle areas with no poles to hang on to , i had to perfect what i imagine my snowboard stance to be while focusing on powering my core so as not to fall ass over tits in the middle of the F. I noticed behind me some tall pretty lady in the midst of a convo with some shorter dude, but i really payed it no mind until i realized a few minutes later that she was just kind of shooting the shit with him and they didn't really know each other. a few stops later, a seat cleared up and i nabbed it. a stop after that, the seat next to me cleared, and this lady took a seat.

after a couple stops on our ride together, she turned to me and asked me "If i'm going to clinton and delancey, where should i get off?" I told her that the stop she was looking for was Delancey. She asked if this was the next stop and i told her it was probably two or three stops away. She continued sucking on her heart shaped lolly until two stops later where she asked "is it this one?" and i said "no this is 2nd avenue, it's the next." at the next stop, she said "this one?" and i told her yes. throughout our ride together, she informed me that she never rides the subway, so she doesn't really know how to get around (i could tell by how friendly and willing to strike up convos with subway strangers that she was not an avid train rider). she then asked if i ride it everyday and when i said yes, she told me that she usually drives everywhere, so it's hard for her to figure it out. in fact, earlier, she tried to get a subway downtown to delancey and ended up on an uptown train going to 23rd st (can i get a heavy sigh from the new yorkers here?). many things led me to believe that this poor confused soul was a model. here is the list:

- tall

- skinny

- beautiful

- slight accent

- sucking a heart shaped lollipop

- fashion forward hairdo

- "drives everywhere" which I believe equals "cars pick her up and take her wherever she needs to go"

- i basically had to hold her hand until her stop.

- trying to go downtown but accidentally took it uptown (aka dumb)

this confused model (?) is not our typical subway spotlight honoree, but i thought she deserved a mention for her commitment to our plebian ways of traveling undreground and her pure fascination at the skill us mortals possess when it comes to navigating a twisted web of train lines.

Garfield Minus Garfield

Thanks to best week ever (as usual), i came across this Garfield Minus Garfield site, where Garfield is removed from the strips, resulting in "an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life."

this is some funny shit guys. i've added the address to our links column, and also linked it above. here are some samples to get you going:

Hold Up...

Welcome to Hold Up, a new section where we take time out to highlight something we're pretty sure we didn't know was going on.

I was combing through my google reader a few minutes ago, and came across this link about how Kirsten Dunst was allowed out of rehab for a few hours so she could pick some stuff up at Target.

Hoooold Up....When did that snaggletooth go to rehab?

Required Oscar Post

I had a wonderful Oscarly time last night. I won the pool for the second year in a row! except last year, i was actually...you know in a pool with other people. this year, i was the only one at my party...so i was going to win no matter what. and thank god! while i was off to a pretty good start, i believe my overall score was lower than it has been in a while. while i would love to go over awesome little moments from the telecast, everyone in the world has done that already, and i can't rely on my memory for things like that. instead, i will just boast about the categories i did get correct..and maybe whoever wants to can leave their fave telecast moments in the comments.

While i did get three out of four of the acting awards (tilda swinton got the best of me) and directing and best picture correct, what i really want to brag about are my skillz of picking out the winners for the lesser known categories. did i get cinematography? costume design (ugh i was so close to getting this one too!)? documentary feature or foreign language? NO! but if you ever need assistance on picks for art direction, film editing, makeup, original score, original song, live action short film, visual effects, or sound mixing...COUNT ON ME!!! i got all these right. and i would've gotten sound editing too, but they never give that to the same movie, so i thought it was wishful thinking that bourne ultimatum would get three oscars. i also got animated feature and original screenplay correct, but c'mon..who didn't?

So, to tally up the night, No Country for Old Men won biggest with four awards (big ones too), with The Bourne Ultimatum coming in second with 3 (!) and a tie for third with two each for La Vie en Rose and There Will Be Blood. And i walked away with a personal low of 14 out of 24 correct...but at least i still can brag about being able to pick live action short film based only on the title.

WRC: PH2 -Woops

Paradise Hotel List of Amazing:

26. I'm an idiot and set my vcr to record the cee-dub instead of stupid my9 (who uses vcr's anymore? oh, me i guess...but not because i'm not technologically advanced, but rather because my dvr was busy elsewhere.) so i have no idea what happened or who went home. boo hoo.

27. i just remembered there's a thing called google, and it led me to this helpful link

a. I missed an adam and eve party!? whyyyyy???

b. omygod how could i have forgotten about pandora's box?! this is KILLING me that
i missed this episode.

c. i guess i can call this sublist the paradise hotel list of things i'm kicking
myself for missing. this mike/tanya wookie mating call, while believable, is
just too good to be true. basura!

d. good to see that 'sharing is caring' is still the motto around the place.

28. requisite not amazing list item = in the comments of that post that i led y'all to, someone pointed out that unassuming (but not afraid to back down) lil nate killed himself shortly after taping ended last fall. that's pretty sad.

Crazy Old Coot

There is an old (i would guess maybe 70's-ish) lady that lives in my apartment building. She lives on my floor in an apartment next to mine, and I'm pretty sure that she lives alone. It took me a long time to discern this because every once in a while, she flips her shit. She'll open the door to her abode, yell some nonsensical stuff (the same thing every time...a three "word" phrase that i can't even attempt to transcribe, but if it were morse code, it would be a dot dot dash...in that it's the same word forcefully said twice, and then a longer concluding word that really drives it home) and then slam the door. 5 - 10 minutes later, she'll do this again. This can go on for hours. Sometimes she does it every few days, sometimes its every couple of weeks. For a long time, i thought she was arguing domestically with someone. I eventually realized that the yelling is not directed at anyone. Whenever i see her she seems like a perfectly nice adorable old lady...however, I have been caught in the awkward position of either exiting or entering my apartment while she's about to go off. She is conscious enough of the goings on to just kind of stand there with her door open until i pass, and then continue with her crazy talk. i do my best to avoid this situation anyway, by waiting at my door until she does the yelling, and then running out in the spare minutes i have between.

Ok, so now that you're all caught up with this crazy old coot, let's get to the meat and potatoes of this post, shall we? Whenever my old lady neighbor goes into one of these inexplicable spells (oh also...i assume that this lady has lived in this building a really long time, because others [there are a lot of lifers that live here] don't seem to bat an eye whenever this happens) its usually during the day or evening hours. Last night, she did it at...judging by how deep of a sleep i was yanked out of, around 4 or 5 am. in the morning. and it was LOUD. she was angrier than previous times and i could tell was putting all her old lady effort into projecting and guttural yelling. this went on for SO LONG too. i kept fading in and out of sleep, but the fact that i could hear very clearly her through two doors and over music prevented me from really falling asleep again while this was happening. I'd say about an hour passed and i could not come up with anything that i could possibly do to make this stop. i wasn't going to yell at or hit an old lady, but i also wasn't going to confront a crazy for fear that she would pull a knife or walker on me. Finally, after the hour (or more) i heard someone trying to calm her down. i couldn't hear the conversation, i'm not sure how anything got resolved...all i know is that the nightmarish screaming that was giving me murderous thoughts had ceased (until next time at least). do you guys think next time it happens i should dart out of my apartment, spray her with a water bottle, and then run back in? or do you have any better suggestions?

dogs wear clothes? whaaa?

Today I found myself in a situation where i got to tell a stranger that his dog had lost a shoe. that shoe was fancier than any shoe i own (but not fancier than the kicks i saw on some chihuahua yesterday). Also, the dog was wearing a sweatsuit. that is all.

A Saturday Night Mystery

I just finished watching saturday night live's first new episode in a very long time (with awesome host tina fey)...and while it was an uncharacteristically consistently funny episode, i have one question...some new girl debuted in the credits as a featured player, and a lot of the sketches this episode were women-heavy, (so this new girl was used a lot) but i kept getting the feeling that something was missing. and then i realized i hadn't seen maya rudolph all episode. and then i realized that i don't think she was in the credits. so i did some minor internet searching, but all that came up was how she was going to leave like, 4 days before the season premiere, but then renegged two days later or something. and..unless my memory is completely failing me, i could've sworn she was in the first half of the season. so my mystery here is threefold: 1) has maya rudolph left the show? 2) was maya rudolph even there for the first half of the season (and did i block it out because it was so traumatic to think there are only two female cast members left [this does not take away from the fact that if i were to see kristen wiig or amy poehler on the street, i would nonchalantly grasp their hand and walk with them as though we were bff])? and 3) am i probably the only one who still watches snl?

leave your answers in the comments pleez. these questions are many things, but they are not rhetorical.

COOLER THAN STUPID'S SNOWDAY FUNTIMES!

ok. not really. we all know that snow days dont' exist anymore.

the one sucky thing about living in nyc is that since the subways don't really shut down when it snows, there is essentially no such thing as a snow day for us idiots who take nyc public transportation to work. it's the one time i truly envy people who live in new jersey.

lets make the best of this situation, and think of some fun things to do on a snowy day in nyc, shall we?* when you fall backwards into the snow (both falling in the slush and cracking your ipod in the process), why not make a snow angel?

* when step into a slush puddle up to your knee, think - well, at least that woke me up. who needs coffee, when i can be jolted back to reality by freezing cold liquid filth?

* when you can't put your bag of trash in the trashcan because the it's covered in 3 feet of snow and you can't open the lid, why not use your bag of trash as the foundation for a snowman?

* when you take your dog for a walk, look at deep snow as an open invitation to not pick up it's crap. it'll make it an even funnier surprise for that lucky person who slips into it.

* don't shovel, especially if you live on a heavily trafficked area of sidewalk. watch the pedestrians have fun "skating" when the sidewalk in front of your home or business has been compressed and turned into ice.

* find the dirtiest pile of snow, ball it up in your hand...and throw it in a trash can. seriously, did you think i was going to tell you to throw it at someone?

WRC: AI - Top 20

Paula Wast-o-meter: They barely show her, but i'd say a 5.8.

Garret and Amy are first out..told quick because no one's surprised.

Then Joanne is cut. I didn't think she'd make it to the top 12, but i expected her to last at least through the first week. aren't there like 3 or 4 of the same white girl? Colton is the fourth cut and ...guys, let's just take a minute. will you please go back and look at my post-performance posts. i listed them 6 in and 6 out, with the bottom two of each 6 being the ones i thought were going. 3 out of 4 y'all! and i was so close on the 4th one. awww shit!

WRC: Top Model - Cycle 10

Eeee! Top model's back!! it feels like it was just barely two months ago since we've seen you. Oh...it was? Tyra starts off cycle 10 with some weird partridge-in-a-pear tree-like countdown (9 catfights, 8 haircuts, etc) to celebrate the greatest top model moments, but umm, isn't this what the last two weeks of clip shows were all about?

A gaggle (35) of girls get schoolbused (apparently, bussed can be spelled like bussed or bused [both look weird], however bussed has its own separate meaning: a kiss) somewhere and i wonder if any are bummed that last cycle's casting session got a whole cruise ship. They all scream way overenthusiastically and we are dramatically taken to a commercial break so we can ponder what kind of huge celebrity guest stars tyra has snagged and caused the girls to lose their minds. if you're a pro antm watcher like me though, you would not have been surprised when we come back from commercials to see they were getting way too excited over the J(ay)s. we've got a prep school theme this year, so all the girls must change into their schoolgirl uniforms and get their photo ids. prep school fun. we're not gonna go through all the girls because we already know which girls made it. after the pictures are taken, miss jay goes over some runway basics. oof. shalynda tells us its her 8th time auditioning (this is cycle 10, mind you). who wants to be the one to tell her she doesn't make it this time either? not it.

the girls are then led to homecoming and run fullforce to a bonfire. i don't know about you, but when i see a huge fire, i run away from it. some former antm contestants are filling the extras roles of 'cheerleaders' because they ain't got nuthin better to do. oh joanie, you're so pretty. why can't you get away from antm? they should start The Gauntlet-Type challenges for old Top Model Contestants. Think about it...12 non winners x 9 past cycles -- we've already got a pool of 108 girls here. The girls learn top model is going to new york (i already knew this last fall, when i came semi-close to working on the show. i didn't want to ruin the magic though.) Tyra hams it up. Whitney says you can't take your eyes off her. is that a fat joke? i hope so. ugh. tyra. stop.

the girls talk about how they think dominique is a tranny. hey! i thought that too! Can we talk about what the hell is going on with claire's hair? the girl from africa calls muhammed ali's niece ghetto. they have words. i hate that niece.

Saleisha's first "my life as a covergirl". she grew her hair out immediately i see. wise. also, sounds bored.

Fatima (girl from africa) then calls 8 time loser Shalynda a bitch (in the most hilarious 'who's on first?' way). Damn, fati, you saucy! that's how they do in somalia. shalynda goes crazy and is about to cut a bitch when, cut to:

AAAAAAAAAAAGHHAAAAAGH!!!!!!! *squeal*

Ok, now we know why Fatima's mad at the world. oh geez. oh ouch. female circumcision, age 7. yikes on bikes. hoooo. lemme go faint. oh god. then she describes it and...oh geez. i faint again. Shaya (ali's niece) learns about this and makes up with fatima. she looks like Hallie Eisenberg kinda. but not white. anyway, shaya loses it and is all hugs and cries for fatima. marvita, all tough and hard and knowin' abuse, asks fatima if she feels like less of a woman. everyone responds 'shut up!'. i would've responded 'does that penis make you feel like any less of a woman marv?'

the group is narrowed down some and are told that they will now head to their self-styled senior photos. tyra, j., and jay look over them. they rightly tease anya for her hawaii local kine accent. try living on the island where several people talk like that.

allison is called first (she's totally on my team too! yes! also, slightly cross eyed, but way pretty), followed by fatima (how could she not, right?), Katarzyna, Kimberly (meh, early out), Stacey Ann (danielle, but not as cute), Aimee and weird Amy (too much bronzer!) are called but Tyra says one must change her name. really? that's fucked up. they even spell it different! anyway, spoiler alert, amy is the one who will change it and she'll change it to Amis. Claire (i'm moving atalya off my team for her, she better not disappoint), Whitney (plus size represent!), Marvita, Lauren (the punk with zero heels and runways skeelz), Atalya, and finally Anya. Tyra announces that since it was such a strong group this year, she's going to allow one more in and that woman man person is Dominique.

WRC: AI - Top 12 Girls

Paula Wast-o-meter: 4.7

I found placing the girls 6 in and 6 out to be just as difficult as the guys...there are just so many wild cards...so I'll give you my 6 in based on tonight (plus anything we've seen up to tonight) and just know that I'm only confident about 4 of them, the other two really could be anybody...

6 in:
Asia'h Epperson
Sayesha Mercado
Carly Smithson
Ramiele Malubay (same hair as PR's Christian and it got him far)
Amanda Overmyer
Alexandrea Lushington

6 out:
Brooke White (she seems so frail)
Alaina Whitaker (is maybe julia stiles...)
Kristy Lee Cook
Joanne Borgella
Kady Malloy
Amy Davis (she probs did the worst, but she does win the prettiest girl award)

WRC: AI - Top 12 Boys

Alright, I'm really not going to be as involved here as i was last season...we'll just take it how it comes, aight?

Paula Wast-o-meter: 6.8

I was trying to decide on 6 in and 6 out, but I could only confidently put 5 in after this first viewing...so the 5 i think are safe are:

Jason Castro (i might love this guy)
David Archuleta (mon chi chi!)
Robbie Carrico
Michael John (he's so dreamy)
and David Cook

Which means that the boys i think should be worried about even making the top 6 are:

David Hernandez (meh)
Chikezie Eze (never sass the judges)
Jason Yeager (he looks like a thicker non-part-asian version of my best friend)
Danny Noriega
Luke Menard (also dreamy)
Colton Berry
and Garret Haley

What do y'all think?

WRC: PH2 - They DO Kind of Look Alike

Sorry for my tardiness this week. i'm gonna try and figure out the best day to put these up and start doing that. Especially with both Pussycat Dolls and Top Model starting up this week. I'll keep it up as long as I can.

Oh my god, after the longest previouslys ever, we finally get started. Oh, oops...I thought they were over, but we're still going over everything that happened last week. Sheesh, we KNOW! After all this recapping, they STILL show us the footage we saw at the end of last week's episode, except now we see what happens after Chelsea and Ryan go behind closed doors.

Paradise Hotel List of Amazing:
14. Chelsea is totally drunk here as she and ryan alternate between making out and talking about why they didn't just pick each other in the first place. Little do they know, some of the other guests are spying on them. Also, the other guests are bitter. What ever happened to "sharing is caring"?

15. James whines like a little bitch about Chelsea hooking up with Ryan.

16. The other girls are DISGUSTED with Chelsea it seems. What?!? As if they all weren't trying to get some ass on their own. chelsea's just playing the game. We saw you rolling around pleading your empty room for sex, Tanya. Chelsea is trying to explain herself, saying she wanted to hook up with james, but needed to be drunk (!) and then just ended up hooking up with the wrong guy. she then hilariously adds "they kind of look alike!"

17. Tanya and Chelsea pretty much go after the same men. I think they both liked Mike first, but then James (then both picked James) and today we find out that Tanya was starting to like Ryan when Chelsea hooked up with him. What a coincidence. So now, Tanya gets to choose her two individual dates, and she picks Ryan and Mike. This is so high school. I love it.

18. Tanya pointedly tells Ryan on their private date that she doesn't need alcohol to make out with someone (hint, hint, Chelsea).

19. The virgin wonders if, because she doesn't want to give it up, she'll be the first one out of a game where people are just trying to sleep with each other.

20. Tanya shows us just how true #18 is by making out with Mike.

21. Mike thinks he's so slick but do you think that'll change when he watches the show and realizes he's balding?

22. NOT amazing - some weird awful racist shit goes down between james and raheim and it goes on for way too long. and yeah, what james said was ridiculous, but raheim's behavior that prompted james to say that was nothing to be proud of either. ugh it's so ridiculous. james stands up to apologize and is nothing but 'i'm sorry' and 'i'm getting up because i like you' but rahim seems intent to fulfill the 'angry black man' stereotype and its pretty disappointing. the group has to hold him back while james tries to apologize. it's so ridiculous because when he sees its going nowhere, james just goes back into the pool...walks away. raheim continues screaming at james saying 'what?! what?!' (dude he's not challenging you) while pushing away the three girls that are trying to hold him back. seriously guy. you suck.

23. tanya gets her bell rung by mike.

Roommate Ceremony-
wait, Amanda drops number 24 here...

24. Because Mike and Tanya got it on while Tanya was in the single room, she is no longer safe from elimination. hahah! oh PH2, with your made up on the fly rules!

ok, Ceremony-

Tanya picks Mike. Charté remains with Nate. Tihidra stays with Raheim (ooh but Raheim hates Tihidra!). Lauren (who?) goes with Ryan again. Krista goes with the last available male, James. Chelsea goes for her bedmate Ryan.

So now, Ryan has to choose between his east coast buddy and old roommate, Lauren (which?) and the girl he drunkenly hooked up with, Chelsea. And he picks Lauren. Ouch!! Guess Chelsea's not great in the sack.

25. Chelsea is out.

Next week -- A new guy checks in to the hotel.


My Fafa teams:

Help Me Stupid is a Success!!

Dear Help Me Stupid -

I just wanted to write in and thank you for your wonderful advice. You were absolutely right...except instead of sticking it out for 6 months, I only had to stick it out for 5 weeks!! The two main girls with the superior attitude were not in class today (a lot of people skipped out today) and the instructor kept referring to lil ol me as a seasoned vet! he also instructed the three newbies to watch me and two other girls to know 'how it's done'. Instead of adopting a snotty attitude though, I made sure to cheer on the new kids with plenty of whoops and 'alright!'s. With this new confidence as well as the lack of major players in the class, I felt more comfortable talking to my classmates. Thanks for encouraging me to wait it out Stupid! You're the best!

Forever,
Not-as-Friendless Fighter.

Check THAT off the to-do list

I was working today (blech to saturday working. even if i only worked one other day during the actual work week), and we had reached the point of the day where my batteries were starting to die. i had to wake up at 4 am, and usually, i start to die out around 5ish pmish. So, it was at this point, and a lot of my coworkers had moved to a different location, so i was pretty much milling around by myself just waiting til my end of day duties. We were shooting at a house in Jers, and i was sitting in the living room staring at the carpet. i noticed a sad little fly 'ehn ehn-ing' around the rug lookin as if someone had slipped him a roofie. i thought about trying to step on it, but then decided that might be too mean. A little while later, i spotted the same struggling fly up on the back of the couch. i said to myself 'self, when will you have another opportunity like this?' and prepared to flick the fly. i completely thought that, as usual, the fly would zip away right before i made contact. however, this fly was three sheets to the wind, and my heart kind of broke as its little fly body *thwapped* against the force of my middle finger and then *thwapped* again as it bounced off the wall and lay stunned on its back. i felt so bad! but also, so awesome that i'd successfully thwapped a fly. does this make me a sociopath?

A Superhero Love Story

As most of us here already know, I totally love superheroes. Like, to the point that sometimes i convince myself that i have powers (like the power to call the train when i've been waiting too long for it [that actually works...sometimes]). One of my lifelong goals is to be in a superhero movie (i was gunning for the xmen trilogy, but it's way too late for that now)...I totally could've done Wonder Woman if not for my un-amazonian height. If anyone knows the Heroes casting director, point me in that direction. bottom line, superheroes rule.

Imagine my delight when i came across this quiz at comicvine.com...whose goal is "to give you the tools and guidance to make the best possible match between you and a comic book character. [They]'ve created 35 infallible questions to match you to a fictitious character in the most accurate and meaningful way."

Awesome. Here I was, ready to find out who my true superhero love was...which superhero I could snag with little to no effort. I answered all the questions, and was paired with:



BEAST?!?! whaaaa?? fo real?? My next closest match, Cyclops, i'd do in a SECOND. I took the test again to see which female superhero i'd be matched with...if it would be the girl version of beast and if i should really stop and assess what type of person i am that i'd be paired with a furry creature that likes to hang from crossbeams. my superheroine?:



jean effin gray! how come i can snag a hot (crazy) chick but only a beastly male? apparently i should be seeking out love at the primate section of the zoo. (i do love pygmy marmosets)

oh also, i don't think its any coincidence that i'm paired only with xmen. i totally should've been in those movies.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here is a special Valentine's Day poem from Cooler than Stupid:



you guys are our rock of love!

help me stupid responds to Friendless Fighter!

Dear Friendless Fighter,

Well I suppose it comes as no surprise that people in a fighting class are mean! right? Although, I can't imagine anyone giving little old you a tude! here are a few surefire boxing class newbies vs. oldies friendship making strategies:

1.Normally the one surefire way to make even the most standoffish jerk crumble is a nice 12 pack of dunkin donuts for the group....but in this case i'm not all that sure that my method would work, since everyone in your boxing class is probably trying to watch their figure. so my solution is to buy everyone (even the newbies in your class) a juice box of muscle milk!
2. Judging by the classes I've taken at gyms and such....the turnover rate is rather high. So in about six months you'll most likely be one of the "seasoned vets" thumbing their collective noses at the newbies.

3. I would normally tell you not to resort to physical violence when it comes to solving problems, however this a boxing class. So if all else fails, knock a few of their teeth out*.

Your welcome loser!

xo
Stupid

*New York State Law states that I am not responsible if your gym membership gets revoked by using this technique.

WRC: Rock of Love 2

The most amazing thing just happened on tonight's episode of Rock of Love. We're at elimination and its down to two girls. These two girls are best friends in the house, but one of them has to go. Also, Aubry (sporting a 50's hairdo from her pinup shoot date earlier, making this all the more wacky) was acting all crazy needy girlfriend all episode and had asked bret not to keep her there a minute longer if he wasn't interested in her. The other, Kristy Jo, got married twice, like back to back from what i can tell, and is still legally married. In addition to this, she's got a kid and a whole mess of baggage. she requested a private meeting with bret and opened her heart to him, saying she was having doubts about staying (when really i think she's just afraid of getting hurt). he went and trash talked her on a date with some other girls, and when she found out she conferenced with him again, where it seemed like he convinced her to stay and she agreed to try and stop acting like a psycho.

ok, now that we're all caught up, on to the second best thing that's ever happened on rock of love. (the first, of course, being in the first season when heather finally saw lacey's true colors and flipped her shit, going so far as telling lacey's dad that lacey sucked bret's guitar every night. it was the 'dicksucking whorebag' heard 'round the world.) So, we're down to Aubry and Kristy Jo and Kristy Jo is crying her little prim eyes out because she's nervous that bret's gonna cut her now that she's decided to stay (even though she told him a couple times she wanted to leave). Aubry is standing there cool as a cucumber, stealing glances at her best friend every couple of seconds. this is all intercut with interviews of aubry saying that she knows that kristy jo is going home tonight, she knows that bret's last pass is for aubry, and her heart has just dropped out of her seeing her best friend like this. bret is fumbling for words trying to come up with the best way to cut the last girl, talking about how today has been an emotional rollercoaster. as he is about to say something substantial, aubry just walks down the carpet towards him and says "if i leave, will you give her another chance?" Then she starts with the waterworks and tells bret that he really thinks kristy jo deserves another chance so she'll leave if he'll let kristy jo stay. everyone is like 'what the fu--' i'm thinking that aubry didn't want to hear if bret liked her or didn't like her, so she sacrificed herself so she wouldn't have to find out. Destiney interviews the most awesome thing she has ever said (and i normally don't care for her)..."Aubry is sacrificing herself for another girl in the house that WANTED to leave. None of this makes sense! They should BOTH get the fuck out of here!" So okay, this is all dramatic. then we see aubry leaving the mansion and she is fucking sobbing and she interviews that this is the biggest gift she's given anyone in a long time so she hopes kristy jo really uses this second opportunity and she liked bret but she loved kristy jo more and its all so weird with her pinup hair. and then. and THEN we cut back to the elimination area, and bret turns over the pass he had in his hand...and it was for Kristy Jo! Aubry was gonna get eliminated anyway. hahhahahahahahahhaahfdksa;jfsa;jfwa. i had kind of secretly hoped that's what would happen, but didn't want it to be true for aubrey's sake. oh man. how embarrassing!! but totally awesome for meeee.

Help Me Stupid!!

Welcome to our new feature, Help Me Stupid!! where Becca and I write in to each other for advice on simple everyday matters. We are both seasoned listeners and uncertified class A advice-givers, so if any of you have any problems you'd like us to work out for you, feel free to write us at coolface2000@gmail.com.

Dear Help Me Stupid,

I recently started taking a boxing class to mix up my workout routine and to get out a little extra aggression. i also think it adds to my badassness. however, the 'seasoned vets' of the class have adopted a little bit of an attitude against us newer members of the class, and i just want some friends. should i stick to being a loner or try and integrate myself into their heathers-like clique (and if so, how?)?

Love always,
Friendless Fighter

Good news!!

from The New York Times

An end to Hollywood’s long and bitter writers’ strike appeared close on Saturday, as union leaders representing 12,000 movie and television writers said they had reached a tentative deal with production companies....The boards are expected to meet as early as Sunday, and the strike could be over by Monday morning.

(Click on link at top for full article)


This is great news for writers and really great news for people who enjoy quality programming. i mean...i watched crowned, but i hated every minute of it. if this is over, we're good til at least June, when SAG has their go at things.

WRC: Paradise Hotel 2 - Welcome Back, P-Ho!

Viewer discretion advisory...gentle reminders of how awesome season 1 was...Omg I'm SO excited. Ok, so herez the rulez: There are 11 sexy singles, both male and female. Their goals are to a) secure a roommate (hence the odd number) and b) of course, stay the longest. Once someone is ejected from the hotel, someone new is brought in. omygod i love this show.

ok, cheesy credits introduce us to Chelsea, James, Tidisha, Mike, Charté (!), Rahim, Lauren, Nathan, Tanya, Ryan, and Krista. Looks like we have 6 girls and 5 boys...so if i remember correctly, the girls will be the first to have to worry. Amanda Byram! Welcome back, you irish ho! how have i lived almost five years without this show?!

so here's a quick first impression rundown of our game players based on the first things they tell us about themselves-- Chelsea is a ho, tanya is a drunk, charté is a princess, lauren is...from jersey, tidisha is gonna be a fighter, krista is the virgin, james is an ass, mike is 'the funny guy', rahim is the player, nate is...kind of nerdy, and ryan is the surfer dude with a weird fuckin nose.

let's take a moment to discuss why this show is so awesome. basically, actual people in the world volunteer to get videotaped while trying to fulfill their main purpose -- get really drunk and hookup with someone(s) to survive. and then we're treated to all these people discussing their shared pot of meat without abandon. who does that?

The Paradise Hotel List of Amazing:
1)Amanda Byram very enthusiastically says "Are you guys ready?!!", pauses for an excited reaction (presumably cheers) and is met with dead silence. "...Because this is gonna be the time of your life!!" Pause. Silence. "...You'll never know what's gonna happen here!!" Pause. Silence.
2)Somebody in life has actually said in all seriousness, "if a man's got rhythm, a man's got rhythm" whilst undulating his torso, this man is mike. and now i think he's gay.
3)Amazingly Gross -- Rahim makes a speech to the guys pleading them not to pick lifetime partners because they're gonna switch it up next time and 'sharing is caring'. gross.
4)man, my9 is such a shitty network.
5)mike makes the list again with this gem "if i had to choose, it'd be between chelsea...and...that of Tanya."

Time for roommate picking. If any guy has only one lady, they are paired off as roomies. if a guy has multiple girls, he must choose one. leftover girls then choose leftover guys (if there are any) and the last girl standing must room alone. she has a couple days to try and break a couple up, and whichever girl ends up being alone at the next ceremony is the one that must pack her bags. Chelsea picks James, then its Lauren/Ryan, Charté/Nate, Krista/Mike..haha, Rahim hasn't been picked yet. he sux. Tihidra picks rahim, but i think only because he was last available and she knew tanya wouldn't go for him. she'd be right..tanya goes for james. james must now choose between tanya and chelsea. james has too much of an owen wilson thing going on. he chooses chelsea, so tanya must room alone.

List of Amazing, Cont.
6)Tidisha admits to the girls that she only picked rahim because he was the last left.
7)we witness rahim begging tidisha not to put on pjs (after the group's underwear party). BEGGING.
8)mike grossly and creepily tries to make out with krista. ewwwww its so gross and such a line. yuck. crash and burn dude. don't mess with the virg.
9)chelsea's line is 'so you don't put out on the first night?' and is DENIED!
10) night vision shot of tanya, alone, rolling around in bed muttering "I want sex!!"
11)first an underwear party, and now a disco party turned stripper party? oh, paradise!
12)Amanda Byram mixes it up by announcing that no one can go without a roommate twice in a row, so tanya will be safe at the next ceremony. good for t, because she is about to start humping the furniture.
13) Chelsea and Ryan sneak off to make out. Then, to do it.

Ack! It's over! Until next week!!

Save Friday Night Lights!!

I'll admit I was a little late in the game (no pun intended) to join the ranks of rabid Friday Night Lights fans. I watched only the pilot last year when the show debuted, but i got frustrated because I was watching it at the gym and the pilot was a lot of football--it was hard to see the screen and i didn't want to feel like i was just watching a football game. that was an unfortunate mistake on my part (and one of the reasons i established my 2-3 episode viewing rule for new shows) but one i have since remedied by giving the show a second shot on dvd. when it comes to things that get so much attention from fans, i'm the first to say i get a little turned off. i refused to fall into the harry potter trap, resisting the books for a very long time. finally, my good friend anna convinced me that it wasn't just all malarkey; the books were actually spectacular and i should definitely read them (especially before the first movie came out)...so i buckled down and i begrudgingly read them and it changed my life. I can say the same for friday night lights...not only is it superbly written, acted, and directed, but it just so perfectly nails the reality of the lives of its characters. i'm not even finished with season one yet and i am a full fledged fan. it's not just a show about football. for serious. so this brings me to my point here...tonight, the last new episode will air, and rumors are flying that it will be the last of the series. i'm not even in season 2 yet (its all sitting on my dvr, politely waiting for me), but the thought of this show not coming back kills me. the thought that not one of these actors has even been nominated for an emmy makes me a little sad for the state of the awards...especially when patricia arquette is getting nomination after nomination and james spader has gotten three awards in the past four years. Anyway, if you've made it this far in my rant, head on over to best week ever's save friday night lights campaign and sign the petition. even if you don't watch the show now. sign it, rent it, and thank yourself. please.

My run-in with the cops

Firstly, I'd like to announce that, although there wasn't much (or any) fanfare, Becca's most recent post was Cooler Than Stupid's big 400th post!!! YES! We're WINNERS!!!!

moving on..

today was one of those days where i did something that i had to do, even though i reeeeely did not want to do it. i'm still kind of dealing with that bank fraud crap i mentioned a few posts ago (bucharest!! grrrrr), and even though i've gone through what i believe are all the proper steps to take in a situation like this (tell my bank, get a new card, put out fraud alerts) my mother insisted that i go to my local po po station and file a report. after giving her some lip about how the nypd has better things to do than blow me off, i buck up and call my local precinct. the friendly man who answers tells me that i just need to print up a statement showing where the fraudulent activity occurred and to either call 911 to have the cops come to my house or head down to the station and talk to a detective in person. and because i'm not about to invite coppers into my house (they make me nervous) i printed out my statement, highlighted the offending transactions, and headed to the 70th precinct.

i'm not too sure what i expected to see when i got there. maybe in the back of my mind i was thinking angie harmon or mariska hargitay would put an arm around me, tell me things would be okay, and lead me to a desk where we would hatch a plan to catch this criminal. considering that i'm not a special victim and this is not a murder case, that scenario was just not to be. and since there's no Law & Order: Bank Fraud, i had nothing to base my expectations on. i entered the police station and got all nervous (as i mentioned earlier, police make me nervous)...especially because there were like, 3 different reception desks, no sort of order anywhere in the station, and clusters of cops chilling with each other and shooting the shit. oh yeah and some dude getting his possessions returned to him. my plan was to be in and out as quickly as possible, but was met with my first obstacle -- which desk to go to. so i just kind of stood around hoping one of the cops would say 'can i help you?' (i mean sheesh, you are public servants!) for about 10 minutes, then eenie meenie miney moe-d and went up to one of the desks. i told the officer that i was there to file a bank fraud report and he said to just have a seat. then some old bat gets all huffy because this dude got helped before her. it took all i had in me to not push her out of the way and point out that i'd been there much longer than either of them. so after i waited for about 15 more minutes and witnessed a fellow get brought in cuffed, the officer that told me to take a seat got up from behind his desk, walked around to the second desk and called me up. (yes that happened.)

i explained my situation to this winner and he looked my bank statement up and down. he asked if my bank had issued a second card and i responded that they had, thinking he meant did they cancel my old card and issue me a new one. he said, 'oh well that's the problem.' so then i explained that i had misunderstood and corrected the error. he told me i needed to get a letter from them saying that they hadn't issued a second card because the statement clearly shows that these fraudulent transactions were done via atm. once i get the letter, i can come back with my statement and then file a report. oh and he also was like 'do you have an id?' and i said yes and he said 'ok...because you need an id to file a report. you have one?' i was not sure if this was a comment on me looking 10 years younger than i am or my ethnicity, but either way it kind of pissed me off. this whole interaction pissed me off but i had to remind myself that i was in a police station and must reign it in lest i get cuffed (and not in an exciting way). he tells me again the steps i need to take and then excuses his french and says that he thinks its bullshit and that this is the banks fault. and like...i'm pretty positive that my bank did not fucking authorize a second atm card to be given to a random romanian without notifying me and then played dumb when i called in to report it. yeah, mr. cop, i'm really fucking sure that it's the bank's fault. there haven't been any sort of technological advances that would allow someone who knows what they are doing to clone an atm card (as my bank told me is what probably happened) with information taken from the internet or even straight from an atm machine.

cooler than stupid's guide to temping

I just finished a temping stint which lasted about a month and a half and now feel distanced enough to offer this list of do's and don'ts for the up and coming temporary office worker.

Do:
accidentally show up early and pretend you did it on purpose

Don't:
pile 14 large water glasses on top of each other inside the sink (where it is your first day working) only to turn around to see the glass tower fall over and shatter into many tiny pieces.

Don't:
accidentally print out every single page of the coolface blog on the shared printer and since you didn't know it printed, leave it there for a better part of the day until your boss finds it (i acctually did this at my old full time job......how i never got fired is beyond me).

Do:
Walk anywhere you are going (most likely nowhere in particular) really fast and with a very serious look on your face and a pad of paper in your hand. Everyone will think you are hard at work.

Don't:
Drop the same phone caller when trying to transfer him five times in a row until he screams at you and you have to give him the guys direct number. (in my defense - i think my phone was broken)

Do:
Type fast and furiously, evem if you aren't typing anything at all.

Dont:
Roll your eyes when the dipshit boss dude of some "hip" design firm yells at you for paging him over the intercom because you confused him because he was already on the phone...even though he really wanted to talk to the person who was on the phone, and he got mad at you for putting them through to voicemail.

Do:
Take tons and tons of meaningless notes.....all the time

Don't:
Tell yourself that you are just going to close your eyes for a second while nobody is walking by, and then wake up an hour later.

Do:
Pull the fire alarm

Oh ET, you're so credible

i was just in my living room with the tv on for background noise as i practiced playing debbie gibson songs on my ukulele (true story) and Entertainment Tonight came on. They were teasing the next segment about vanity fair's hollywood cover (the only two times i've purchased vanity fair were for their hollywood issue) and i stopped mid-Lost In Your Eyes because emily blunt appeared on the screen as a part of this year's cover (i reeely love emily blunt). So then i hear the lady (the one that's not pat o'brien) teasing the segment as such "Coming up, Vanity Fair's Hollywood Issue Cover Shoot with Anne Hathaway, America Ferrera, Jessica Biel and Juno!" Really, ET? You're not gonna call her by her real name? Is it because you don't think a lot of the country knows her name? Well, clearly you're featuring her in the tease because you're relying on people at least recognizing her face...you couldn't just flash her picture as you did and say "Ellen Page"? Or even "Ellen Page from Juno"? Really?

WRC: 1.5x the Crush

i was just scheduling my dvr for the evening (umm..not because i'm going anywhere or have a social life or anything, but because i watch too much tv and it all overlaps) and discovered something truly amazing. American Gladiators is AN HOUR AND A HALF tonight! fuckin' a! ALSO-- paradise hotel 2 premieres on my9 (ugh) and i am crossing my fingers that it is half as good as the first. (though how can it be, without the famous Buff Toni and her Eyes!!! (also from the equally amazing Love Cruise)...if it's worthy, i'll induct it into reality corner.

**side note--i just googled toni to find that picture and an article popped up telling me that American Idol Season something's third place winner, Nikki McKibbin, is Toni's sister. WTF?!)

I'm not a curse after all!!

i've never been much of a football watcher in the past...whether its because i associate it with the stepdad i never liked or because i've never had a standard american football experience is for my future therapist to decide. My high school football team (the mighty menehunes!) were...not great. This is evidenced by me having to remind myself that i did actually attend every football game in high school, if only because i was required to either jazzily play my saxy toot-toot to rally up the crowd or twirl my pretty flag during half-time shows (don't make fun). I went to sarah lawrence college, where one of our favorite jokes is that our football team is undefeated (because we don't have one...har har), and consequently, the friends i have from school do not thirst for blood and victory when any particular team is playing. so, in my life i have 'rooted' (used loosely) for the cowboys because they are my mom's favorite team, the chiefs because that is where my father's loyalty lies and maybe once the vikings because they are purple. recently, however, i'm getting more into it. maybe it's this anti-mexican immigration hubbub pressuring me to feel more american. maybe it's because i started watching friday night lights (which makes me sad for everything in the world) and i'm reliving my teen years through that. maybe it's because my hometown's college team, the UH (rainbow) WARRIORS made it to the sugar bowl this year with a perfect season...until they got their asses whupped by the georgia bulldogs at the actual thing. anyway, my point is, i usually watch no more than one football game a year, but this year i've already seen three. the teams i rooted for during the first two lost terribly so i thought that maybe it was best that football wasn't a part of my life...that all changed during yesterday's superbowl. i had to root for the giants because i live in new york and also because i don't love the patriots (haven't they been in enough superbowls? we get it! why don't you knock up another hot girl and ditch her, brady?). i quietly rooted for ny, not wanting any jinxes to spill out onto them..and even though it looked like my curse would be 3 for 3, they came around at the very end and i raised my can of beer in victory.

Subway Spotlight: Clownin' Around

It's been a little while since we've had a subway spotlight...i guess it takes a little more to dazzle us these days. Today's fellow did just that. If by dazzle i mean scare the living poo out of, and by us i mean me. I swipe-swiped my MC (yep, i abbreviated that again), descended the stairs, and started my walk along the platform towards the front of the train. I pass a few normal looking people, a man alone on the left, a couple over there on the right, then a man...literally dressed as a clown...striped shirt, striped socks, big shoes, comically oversized overalls, bright red bowler cap, NO MAKEUP!!! What the EF? I didn't know whether to count my blessings that there wasn't a full-blown clown in my midst (because we all know how flippin scary they are)...but for some reason, it just made me a little more nervous that this dude was all clowned out minus the makeup. like, if you're heading to a kiddie party or a mass murder and you're gonna apply when you get there, just take the whole outfit in a duffel, right? if you're gonna travel in full clown regalia, fucking commit to it and paint me some tears bitch!

Crowd Hilarity

I found this picture on the FAIL blog and i had to share it here...it's kind of like a where's waldo or one of those sections in Highlights Magazine where you have to find everything on the list.



Can you find:
-- the man who is protecting himself first...his baby as an afterthought
-- the aforementioned freewheelin' danger lovin' baby
-- the old lady who wisely protected her head
-- the poor sucker who took a bat to the jaw
-- the kid with the big gulp who isn't in any real danger, but you wouldn't be able to tell from his facial expression
--the women who are in real danger but you wouldn't be able to tell by how they keep on snackin'
-- smug guy in a black shirt with not a care in the world

Don't you just love pictures that were snapped at the exact right moment? I would've altered the picture circling the answers but my photoshop doesn't work anymore (:'() ..it's fairly easy anyway, i'm sure everyone will score 100 percent.