Wednesday, January 31, 2007

another look back!

To one of our favorite stories/and one time contributor A. Rock.

He has written to tell us that he is still happily married to his wife, Bed Rock and his children are all doing well. His eldest daughter Limerock is now attending Slippery Rock University. They intend to take a family vacation this summer to the La Brea Tar Pits.

He sent the following family picture:

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Subway Spotlight: ElectroElliot

Once again, we've decided to broaden our horizons when it comes to the Subway Spotlight in order to hopefully be able to more frequently bestow this honor upon the deserving. First it was subway performers, then we expanded that to include homeless people, and today, we further broaden our pool of potential honorees in order to include conductors. For today, swear to god, my train conductor had an electrolarynx. and it frightened me a little bit. i mean, imagine these words:

"this is a brooklyn bound F train, the next stop is jay street-borough hall. ladies and gentlemen, stand clear of the closing doors."

in this voice:

these are the moments when i wish i had a posse. when i realized this was going on, i frantically looked around so i could eye-contact acknowledge this with someone. ANYONE. but to no avail. it was kind of like the time i passed a gang of 5 midgets and had no one to witness this sighting and my excitement. i may as well have passed a jaculus.

Yep, that's a pretty fair trade

Sorry for the pop culture-heavy posts today...but at least it's something, right? I just wanted to share with the world (or, you know, the 15 of you) a hilarious tidbit I just read about. Apparently, FOX is shopping around for a replacement for Paula Abdul as the female judge on American Idol. My first thought was that, yes, indeed she can be pretty annoying and pretty wishy washy about her opinions and pretty soft on the contestants and can NOT hide her attraction to the underage boys, but she's probably getting the boot because bitch is never sober. (even though she claims to have never been drunk in her life...i'd look for the source here, but really, i'm just trying to get out of work, so look it up if you want) So then I was all, well, I'm sure they'll find someone who can handle themselves in public better than Paula, somebody who is rarely ever fucked up that they can trust to represent them well, and someone whose opinion is valued in the singing community because this show is gargantuan now and it's integrity has been questioned a lot recently. And then I saw that the person they are eyeing as a replacement is none other than Courtney Fucking Love. Seriously? Because you're just gonna have the same problems...but also maybe some STD's too or something.


Harry Potter and the Blinding of the Horses

This picture is brought to you in memory of Barbaro

Mow to the, EEEE!!! to the, Mow to the, EEEE!! to the--

Moesha! (moesha moesha moesha)

Monday, January 29, 2007

Revisiting the Past

I came upon updates for two stories that we were closely following here at Cooler than Stupid. I'll hit you with the sad one first and then we'll move on to the sucker that'll lift your spirits.

Everyone's favorite crippled equine hero, Barbaro, was euthanized this morning. poor horsey.

Rock Star: Supernova officially sucks!!!! Man I hate that Lukas. and i'm so happy that he's not getting any success in his cool rock band full of has-beens and a terrible moniker. like for real, asses, this is what you get for choosing the most hated contestant as your lead singer. i almost hope that the show WAS fixed and they had picked him all along because that proves what know-nothing weenies those fools are. haha. sorry, i'm being a total schoolyard bully right now, but i really didn't like that rat. in case you don't want to click on the above article, i'll paste my favorite excerpt here:

"But instead, their self-titled debut album failed to crack Billboard's Top 100, and as of this week, almost five months after tickets went on sale, good seats were still available for their shows in Worchester, Philadelphia and New York, including 11th row seats for this Wednesday's show at Radio City"

Saturday, January 27, 2007

it's a community service, really...

We'd just like to point out that Cooler than Stupid apparently is THE place to go if your in the market for either Maggie Gyllenhaal or tips on how to take care of your choking dog!!! We have had 38 visitors who found their way here by googling Maggie Gyllenhaal, and 31 visitors looking for ways to save their pooches. I was going to give a list of other recent google searches that bring people to us, but the only two in the last 20 that aren't either "Maggie Gyllenhaal" or "choking dog" are "dog birthday" and "are the tabloid pictures of tyra real" do with that what you want... and we'll continue to find further ways to give back to the community.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Shout Out!!

I'd just like to publicly recognize the lovely gentlemen that work at Viacom. Whenever these special dudes let the ladies out of the elevator first, it really warms my heart. And makes me hate the guys that don't do it.

What to do if you want to be unemployed!

In my infinite wisdom I somehow managed to print out our blog onto a shared printer at work. I had no idea that I had done it, so the printout just sat in the printer tray for everyone to see. My boss found the printout and said, “uhhhh this must be yours becca” and he was holding no less that 8 pages of the cooler than stupid blog….on the first page of which was the glamour Dolly Parton photo post. He took a quick look at it and said, “Ummmm, you got a thing for Dolly Parton?”. Everyone at work already thought was nuts, but now they probably think I’m stalking Dolly Parton too! Well my face was red.....for the obvious reasons…and also because I had a bit an incident involving a tube of Revlon Colorstay lipstick.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

the n dot com nom

an email just landed in my box (hey-OH!) about's recent emmy win. at first i was all 'alright congrats the!' but then i saw the category they won in:

“Outstanding Achievement in Advanced Media Technology for the Non Synchronous Enhancement of Original Television Content”

was there anyone else even in that category?

OSCAR Update!!

In case you didn't wake up at 5 am to hear the nominations, here's a full list! I think my favorite special surprises were Little Abigail Breslin from Little Miss Sunshine getting a supporting actress nomination and the nomination in Makeup Achievement for "Click". Wait--what?!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Friday, January 19, 2007

But You Know I Love You

We would like to wish the one and only amazing queen goddess of the world a happy 61st birthday. Oh Dolly, you have my heart, you sexy sexagenarian.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

An important message from 'Cooler Than Stupid'

As some of you may have surmised a while back, Coolface the comedy group no longer exists. Don’t cry into the heavens while screaming “why God why?” just yet, because Coolface still lives on in our hearts and minds and most of all….on the internet!! We are now…COOLFACE PRESENTS: ‘Cooler than Stupid’ in That’s my JAM!!

The name has changed a bit – but remember, we’ll still treat you with the same disrespect and dishonesty that we always have.

We, the award-winning ‘Cooler than Stupid’ contributors would like to introduce ourselves – this blog is the mutant brainchild of the Esteemed Sara Martinez (the 5th Grade School Spelling Bee Champion and Third Place in the Black History Portrait contest of 2nd Grade) and the Honorable Becca Jones (recipient of the perfect attendance award in third grade and winner of $2 from a $1 scratch off lottery ticket).

Sara Martinez - talking to a guy and a girl, standing behind the guy wearing the blue hat and in front of the three girls talking.

Becca Jones - Wearing a mustache, a beret and a scarf, between miss pac man and cruella deville

And remember, as the wise Brooke Shields once said: “If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life”.

Please direct any complaints to our customer service departement located in the starbucks bathroom at the corner of 47th street and 8th ave.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Genius Trump Quote time!

"He's strong, he's smart, he's tough, he's vicious, he's violent — all of the ingredients you need to be an entrepreneur, and most importantly, hopefully he's smart because smart is really the ingredient,"

Who is Trump talking about? The answer is his son, Barron. Donald Trump is using the words "vicious" and "violent" to positively discuss the future prospects of his infant son. also, is it really a good thing to describe your 10 month-old baby as 'violent' and 'vicious'? isn't that maybe something that should be looked into as potential serial killer behavior? Seriously, Trump. Shut the fuck up.


Please, NO. oh god no.

I really really really hope that this story is not true. because lord knows we do not need britney spears having another baby. oh god. this is terrible. just absolutely terrible. oh god. oh god. oh god.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Disgusting Product award! ! 2006!!

Coke Blak

Coffe + Coke = cough syrup

What next? Listerine flavored coke?

(if I could do photoshop I would have totally made a pic, but I can’t so…you’ll have to use your imagination)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Bathroom Stall Conundrum

The bathroom on my floor at work has 6 stalls in it. I never go into the first stall just as a general rule. usually, i skip past the second stall also and go to the third, but on this particular floor, the 3rd stall has a door that gets stuck and in order to get out, you have to reach your hand over the top of the door and give a mighty pull. now, stalls 4 through 6 are widely known as the poop stalls, Poopers try to go as far into the bathroom as possible hoping to hide out. While the 4th stall really can go either way, it's mostly avoided if one only has to go Number One because no one wants to be mistaken as a pooper. Finally, if there is someone already using the bathroom, you generally don't want to take the stall right next to them if all other stalls are available. that's just kind of maybe you could hold hands with each other while you're peeing. i was just wondering, does anyone else put this much thought into peeing at work?

Like the twilight zone...just not weird enough!

For some reason, every dog i took a picture of this holiday season had weird glowing eyes? Cute, loveable household pet, or evil monsters plotting to take over the world? You decide!


jones family christmas

And the extremely scary, Patsy!
jones family christmas

Poor Jers...

We all kid about Jersey and it's various smells. I mean, I did just two days ago ...but this is just mean. Perusing yesterday, i come upon a link that says "Prime suspect in New York Smell? New Jersey". This is pretty hilarious by itself, but if you go on to read the article it turns out it really is just a blaming war between News Jersey and York. Here is my favorite part of the article:

"But New York and New Jersey officials were quick to blame each other as the odor's source.

According to Charles Sturcken, spokesman for New York City's Department of Environmental Protection, initial complaints about the smell indicated it emanated from south and west of the city.

That would place it in New Jersey."

oh, snap.

The best part of it all is that by the end of the article they're basically like...actually nobody has any idea where this smell is coming from or what the hell it is. but isn't it fun to blame jersey?

I Can't Get Over It

This story really breaks my heart. Like really, what the hell is she thinking? Also, he is literally twice her age.

Monday, January 08, 2007

tacos rule!

i just wanted to take a minute and get a little personal here with everyone...i love tacos. yes, i'm mexican and yes it's cliche, but i can't get enough of these little mexiburgers. once, it was even the answer to the following question: what food would you take your top off for? I told some random boy that i would take my top off for TACOS dammit when i can MAKE them any time i want!!!! following is an example of how other people view my love for tacos--

ME: They have tacos for lunch today! Awesome! Oh, look they have this all week!
FRIEND: Tacos?
ME: No, "A Taste of Mexico". The food of my people! Oh man, it's gonna be packed down there today.
FRIEND: Why? Because there's tacos?
ME: ... no. because it's raining.

so many fart jokes...

New York City THREATENED by MYSTERIOUS GAS!!!! Runs out of Acidophilus!!!

I was welcomed at work this morning by an email telling me not to be worried about the mysterious gas smell in the building because it's not just in the the building, but all over half of manhattan. my first thought was "what smell of gas?" and my second was "shouldn't the fact that it's all over the city and not just in the building be cause for concern? I then went to the New York Times site to get to the bottom (haha! bottom! gas? bottom? haha!) of everything and discovered that no one knew what was going on. Later in the day, I stumbled upon (or as an old Spanish teacher would say: you-pon) the above story at and saw the following headline: Gas Odor Unsettles Jersey City Residents. Umm, no offense to jersey or anything...but doesn't it always smell over there?

Monday, January 01, 2007