Sunday, May 24, 2009

diner hours

i'm a big fan of the neighborhood i live in. my one complaint would be that there are not a lot of places to order food from (that i know of). i've got my standard three asian places (thai, japanese, chinese), and a pretty great pizza place. also, if i feel like going for a little bit of a walk (and if i'm in the rare mood for fast food), there's a kfc and a burger king that could satisfy those needs. but the one thing i've really wanted these past two years is a good burger. i know where i can get good burgers, but they are all a subway ride away...and i usually like to eat in the comfort of my own home, where i can forego pants.

so finally, a couple weeks ago, i see a menu for a diner at my door. aha! well, it might not be a great burger, but it will probably be a decent cheap one. i file the menu away for later experimentation. (also, side note -- it turns out this diner is just two blocks from me. i don't know if it's new, or if i'm only noticing it because now i have a menu).

so i'm in my bare fridge days. and i went straight from boxing to work today (meaning i had a fruit smoothie thing for lunch instead of real food), so i was pretty hungry when i got home. all day long, i was dreaming of what i might eat and i thought "hey! maybe i'll try a burger from that diner!" i check out the menu, and they have what they call a "mexican burger" which has cheddar, mushrooms, and avocado. in name and in ingredients, this burger was made for me. i salivate at the thought of this, and call the diner up at approximately 8pm. a lady answers the phone and i ask if i can make an order for delivery. "Oh, I'm sorry...We're closed" is the response i get. so A) why answer the phone?!? and B) now all i want is a mexican burger and i can't have it.

i flip to the front of the menu to check out their hours, and this is what it says:

Monday - Sunday
6am to Closing

i mean...what am i supposed to do with that? WHAT TIME IS CLOSING?!

Friday, May 22, 2009

SRC: ANTM12 - wanna teyon(a) top

previously: celia was all old and shit. three bitches remain. na na na na na na.

side note -- as y'all know, i hand write my recaps, and i watched this episode last weekend after i had messed my wrist up in boxing. so i wrote it all with my left hand, and i'd just like to say that my left-hand writing is not bad. i'd say it's equivelent to the penmanship of a thirteen year old boy.

the girls get their scripts for their covergirl commercials and photo shoots. allison looks scared and lonely. aminat does a decent job. allison fucks up, but eventually comes through. teyona's nerves get to her and it seems like she might be crashing and burning. she cries, but she looks pretty crying. she does seem to recover a little, though.

panel! man, i forget how quickly the last episode moves. especially in a season that lasts forever. as soon as the top 2 are chosen, they will go to their seventeen cover try. teyona gets called out for her nerves, but her photo is gorge. allison's commerical was decent -- almost there and her voice was expressive. tyra was impressed with allison's photo shoot. aminat probably has the best commercial, though again, her photos fall short.

wouldn't it be funny if the runway show these my life as a covergirls were leading up to for mckey was just the finale show??

a decision has been reached. first called is allison (!). teyona and aminat are called down. i mean this is pretty obvious, right? right. teyona is still in it. farewell aminat, you were a stunning bitch.

allison and teyona are whisked away to (ugh) effing shoket. she stupidly says some stupid lines, the girls take some photos, and then we are sent to the rosa cha fashion show. has allison had a chance to practice her walk?

the girls are wearing tiny, shiny top hats. it's adorbs. mckey still walks lopsided. allison apparently has been practicing. these brazilian chicks are hottt. this show is crazy...there are feathers and headdresses and black oil and sexual floor sliding. teyona loses her weave. allison loses her innocence.

final panel. do you think tyra tries to look like the evil witches and queens from disney movies? since the show was bikinis, these poor girls must have their final judgment whilst wearing those bikinis. allison surprised everyone by showing improvement in her walk. teyona pleased the judges as expected. photos are compared. the two seem to get equal praise. so, who's it gonna be? (are we still pretending we haven't know this since episode 2?)

the judges deliberate. allison exceeded expectations. teyona only just met hers. other pros and cons are listed. a decision has been reached. tyra says they are the two strongest in the competition, but one has a little more. and that person is teyona. we all saw this coming, but i ain't mad at it. i probably would've been okay with either winning. though maybe allison would've found a way to make her my life as a covergirls interesting and weird.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

letter to american idol

dear ryan seacrest, you idiot --

you can't address those of us that watch your show dvr'd -- telling us to prepare for the show to run long and to schedule our recordings accordingly -- during the effing broadcast of the show. do you know why, twinkleberry? because we won't see that warning until we are watching the show after we get home from work, at 11:00, when it's too late to adjust our effing recording accordingly.



[update: Dear Ryan Seacrest, you smart and handsome man --

Upon reflection, I've realized that you, in your infinite wisdom, were probably giving us a warning for tomorrow night's show, in which case, your warning during tonight's telecast was not only warranted, but also very kind. Thank you kind sir.



Thursday, May 14, 2009

lost question

wouldn't it be funny if for season 6 of lost they just replayed the episodes from season 1?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

shoppe rant

there are a lot of customers at the shoppe that are ridiculous. the things they do or say give a coworker and i plenty of material for a web series we dream about writing. i've tried to refrain from talking about any of that stuff here, because, well...i try to be considerate. when a lady came in and directed her entire order and ensuing conversation to herself in the mirror over my shoulder, i refrained. when i got a call for an order and was given attitude by a lady who actually said the following sentence to me: "What kind of child would want a cake without cookies on it?!", i refrained. when a lady had me put together 8 boxes of various items, topping them each off with a hand-tied ribbon, but opted to leave no tip (not even change!), i refrained. but at this point, all i have are recaps on this blog and that just won't do.

if anyone asked me who my least favorite customer was, i would have an answer without hesitation. without fail, this person comes in 15 minutes before closing to order a cappuccino and takes his sweet time drinking it, sometimes ordering a second even after we've closed (and preventing me from breaking down the espresso machine). there are a bunch of other things he does that i won't get into, lest he somehow make it to this blog and get revenge by throwing a cappuccino in my face, but just know that seeing him immediately puts me in a bad mood.

as i was sweeping the shoppe today, trying to get ahead of my closing duties, i thought to myself "Self, I bet you anything ****** will come in today. things are going too smoothly." sure enough, he walks in. he was waiting for his girlfriend (who i have no problem with), and even though i tried to get him to order so we could get the ball rolling with this, he insisted on waiting for her. after about ten minutes, he decided that he would get his cappuccino and a few snacks while he was waiting. at this point, three other customers had come in. i was helping the first when he told me he was ready to order, so i went to him while the other two waited in line. he told me what he wanted, and i went into speed mode, so my line guys wouldn't be waiting too long.

i grab my milk pitcher, saucer and cup before pulling the shot so that this drink will be quickly made and i can move on to the awaiting people. then he tells me this: "Umm, excuse me, your fingernail touched my cup, can you give me another one?" i couldn't mask my disgust for this man any longer. my response, in my most sarcastic, disbelieving voice was this: "My fingernail? Touched your cup?" He proceeded to show me exactly how my fingernail had touched the inside of his cup, so i laughed (and not in a "you're funny" way but more in a "you're an idiot" way), put his cup back at the top of the machine, did some overexaggerating pulling down the next cup, being sure to keep my fingers and nails off all parts of the inside, and got to shot pulling. usually at this point, i swallow everything and forget about it. but this time i could not. i say to him "my hands are clean" as i'm rushing through his order, still thinking of the awaiting people.

(*Side note - whenever i have a line at the shoppe, all i can think of is when i would play Sim Tower and my people would be waiting for an elevator and they would turn pink then red with anger at the amount of time they were waiting. in my mind, if anyone is waiting, they are inevitably pink or red.)

so then he starts trying to mumble justify this. "Don't take offense" I tell him that i wasn't offended. "It's not you, it's other people. What they bring in. When you touch something, or touch the ground..." Well, okay, now i am offended that you think I would do cartwheels all over the shoppe and not wash my hands. what baffles me is that this guy thinks i'm rubbing my hands on dirt and touching cups and plates, when we are all really good about washing our hands multiple times throughout the day. he says "most people wouldn't have noticed it" as part of his justification and like...what the fuck? how is that supposed to make anything better? THEN he says "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is." i remained silent through all this mumbling, but what i wanted to say was "do you know how it is? do you know how ANNOYING it is when you WASTE my time like this when i've got a line of RED PEOPLE?!" how is that a justification?!? how is "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is" a justification for asking for a new cup because my FINGERNAIL GRAZED the inside of his cup?! ARGH!!

while i was helping the red people, his girlfriend came in. after everything quieted down, i started feeling bad for kind of showing that i was a little miffed. so i overcompensated by being super nice. then i felt even worse when they actually left before closing (for once) and the girlfriend acknowledged that they usually stay late, so they were going to cut it short this time so i could get to closing. this is why i could never be a full time asshole, i'd feel bad about it most of the time.

SRC: ANTM12 - Celia later!

Previously: Fo was short for Felicia, but too short for modeling.

the top four meet paulina for samba lessons. doing her best nigel impersonation, paulina tells the girls to be aware of their face while dancing and look at her as though she were nigel/the camera. celia starts off by i think trying to seduce paulina. we do know she thinks of sex while modeling. paulina then insults celia, calling her desperate. aminat does well. allison is as bad as she promised. teyona is also not great.

the girls meet paulina on the rooftop. they will dance -- whoever fakes it the best gets to pick a friend to share jewelry with. it looks like it'll be between aminat and celia. celia pulls a surprise win and chooses her cracker-in-crime to share her precious jewels with. paulina is shocked at this decision and aminat projects, saying that paulina thought the prize should've been shared with the runner up, who happens to be aminat. i'm sure, aminat, that if you would've won and celia was the runner up, you would've shared with her and not teyona. shut up. aminat interviews that she's always second runner up...but wouldn't that mean third place? let's hope.

omygod. stupid skit STARRING tyra. why can't she just tell the girls she's their photographer. why does there have to be a whole scene about it?!? photo shoot - the girls are birds. allison is a "birdie owl slash pterodactyl". aminat kinda looks like jocelyn wildenstein. celia seems to do well. teyona does well despite some things working against her. tyra is still annoying.

panel. argh! shoket!! sneak attack. allison's picture is praised (though i still think she always makes the same face.) teyona also turns out a good picture, though it's not her best. celia's picture is pretty good, though her face is the weakest part of it. aminat's picture is also liked. did tyra make them all say good things about her pictures? it always seems like when she's the photographer, all the pictures get high praise.

best pic goes to allison. teyona is runner up. perma bottom two-ers aminat and celia are this week's bottom 2. aminat still doesn't know how to use what she got (and i think by this point isn't going to figure it out. CUT HER LOOSE!) celia is still old. so, who's the last in the final three, aka the second runner up? aminat stays but i think tyra is kidding herself at this point. yeah, celia's not getting any younger, but aminat keeps getting the same damn critique. celia makes a gracious exit, and as she leaves i'd like to apologize for calling her the fugliest of the fugs at the beginning of the season. i'm not taking it back, because she was busted...but the haircut works for her and she has great style, so i no longer believe that she is a fug.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

baby fever

has anyone else noticed how pregnant women are everywhere right now?! i don't know if it's because i work in a cookie shoppe, or because of the boom in teen pregnancy pacts or what, but everywhere i look, there's a large belly with a smaller belly button bump staring me down. and don't even mention my biological clock because i was on the train today and some baby started crying and it was one of the worst sounds that has ever met my ears. it made me reconsider procreation. then i spent the rest of the train ride in a brain rant about how babies are so selfish, coming out of the womb only knowing how to cry...and using that skill to get whatever they want, whenever they want. ugh. babies.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

SRC: ANTM12 - Fo long!

Previously: Natalie got too bitch for her britches

Go sees! Same rules apply. Four hours, up to five designers, be on time, don't embarrass tyra. Everyone sets off to see the brazilian designers, and it basically comes down to this: Celia is old. Allison can't walk. Fo is short. Teyona and Aminat both seem well liked for their runway abilities.

teyona has three go sees and makes it to a fourth with twenty minutes remaining. Celia is already there, so Teyona wisely decides to head back. She is the first there with ten minutes to spare. Fo stupidly decides to see all five designers and ends up with only 7 minutes to make a 15 minute trip (this will sting even more later, when she finds out she booked 0 of the 5). Aminat makes it on time, as does allison (with a minute to spare.) Celia arrives at 3:31, followed several minutes later by Fo. the girls all head to a helicopter on the roof to meet some guy, but since celia and fo were late, they must watch their competitors lift off as they get blown off the roof by the wind force and into a cab. if i were on this helicopter with aminat, she would get tossed out in a second. she is SCREAMING into those headsets everyone on board has to wear. if the scream is this loud and annoying through my tv, imagine if it were funneled directly into my earhole via large headphones. winner gets a piece from each of the designers, and that prize goes to.....Teyona! hooray! the girls are all jealous nellies as teyona greedily bathes in her prize.

photo shoot on the beach with nigel as the photographer (again). aminat looks smokin'. fo falters. allison turns it out. jay throws out some vaguely technical terms. teyona gets all sand rolly. nigel says he likey. celia stumbles and nigel jumps his sexy self in and shows her how to Model. fo should refrain from using words like 'wee'.

celia's picture isn't great, but teyona's is. aminat is told she has a slammin' body and needs to use it better, like tyra's archnemesis naomi campbell. fo's picture is forrible. and she kind of looks like a monchichi. allison gets high praise from nigel and the other judges.

best picture goes to teyona, winning me points all around. allison is called second. aminat is third and we're down to oldy and shorty. imagine how it makes me feel when oldy is 25 and shorty is 5'8. basically they both need to be confident enough to make everyone forget about those "negative" things. but only one gets one more chance, and that's celia. fo forry, felicia!