Thursday, July 31, 2008

SRC: SYTYCD - cat rules

i think i wanna marry cat deeley.

really, she had me at hello, but specifically this season (i only watched about four episodes of this show previous to this season) she's really been quite the charmer. at first i was impressed at how willing she was to go down on her knees, (get your mind outta the gutter) whether it be to give a full on worship to one of the dancers, or to help another get her little toe back in her shoe, she never hesitated to drop down. ryan seacrest would NEVER go anywhere near the ground, and he doesn't even have the 86 inch legs and the 4 inch heels this lady sports. it's a long way down from where she is.

and then yesterday! my heart burst anew after twitch performed his solo with his fake glasses and grillz, and cat insisted he hand over the props (spit and all) so she could have a try. who does that?!? amazing people, that's who.

and today! some little 6 year old came onstage to buff the floor (or breakdance). after his performance, she called him over for a short interview. i thought to myself, oh, she's so thoughtful, she'll probably just crouch down, because he comes up to her ankles. but NO!!! she didn't crouch down! crouching down is for people that are not amazing. she actually lifted this boy up and carried him as they talked. IN FOUR INCH HEELS!

screencap from [BWE]

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Blame it on the children

wonder what happens when i write in complete sentences with capitalization and punctuation? no, no, the world doesn't explode, but head on over to my post on The Better Blog to find out.

Bus to Philly Spotlight!

i have been taking inter-city buses every weekend for the past month. it has had it's ups and downs, but it's by far the cheapest way to get from nyc to dc and philly. anyway, last weekend i took the bus back home to philadelphia because i was attending a friend's wedding. the bus was full as usual for a friday night.

i got the window seat, and as other passengers boarded the bus i prayed to myself - please don't let a lunatic sit next me. my prayers went unanswered. here is why:

  • the guy who sat next to me poked me in the ribs at least 30 times with his elbow while trying to remove his laptop from his large bag - i can forgive this b/c i'm sure i have done this before.
  • however once he realized that the free wifi on the bus wasn't working - he first sighed really loudly repeatedly and then said to nobody in particular (maybe his computer?) - "FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT"......i kept thinking, please don't punch me.
  • he was drinking a large diet coke throught the beginning of the ride - and then when he was done let it fall on the floor and roll over my feet for the rest of the ride (even though he had a large paper trader joes bag with him that he could have easily stowed it in...oh and there ARE trashcans on the bus)
  • this was my favorite part of the ride: he starts listening to his ipod - let me preface this by saying that the bus was completely quiet. not sure what the hell he was listening to, but i'm going to venture to say that it was some sort of comedy show because he'd randomly laugh really loudly from time to time. at first i thought - is this guy laughing at me? but then he continued to laugh, and when his comedy program reached it's height of hilarity (or so i surmised) he let out the longest/loudest/most annoying laugh i have ever heard.
  • and then i murdered him.....actually this part didn't happen. i really did want to tell him the shut the fuck up, but i'm glad i didn't because it turned out at the end of the ride that i knew the girl sitting in front of me and it would have made her think that i too was insane.

in other tragic news - scrabulous has finally been disabled on facebook. millions of young office workers now have to find a new distraction to focus on instead of work.

Monday, July 28, 2008

the better balance

hey alright! Boot Balance was posted by The Better Blog today! BB sqUAreD FOREVS!11!!!1

pizza forevers

not counting the one saturday i worked a couple weeks ago, i've been unemployed for about a month and a half now. i feel like, for the most part, i've always had iffy summers when it comes to working (it wasn't as noticeable to me last year because i was preoccupied with moving). i am keeping all sorts of inspirational quotes in mind , especially since finding out that my beloved boxing teacher is moving away [NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!] and even though he was trying to squirrel away as much money as possible to prepare for his trip back to kansas to go back to school, he got into a car accident and his car was totalled. (just keep swimming. just keep swimming.) but now is the time that i have to squeeze the ol' purse strings in fear that a streak like this will keep up. (this slump marks the first time since i graduated from college that i've actively had to search for a job). an example of this came last weekend, when i was struck with what i believed was a brilliant idea.

my groceries have dwindled to a package with three slices of turkey bacon, one egg, butter, and half a jar of vodka sauce, and there i was on friday, hungry and not willing to go to the grocery store. an outing like that requires much preparation and i just wasn't ready. unfortunately, though i love my neighborhood, there are not a lot of food delivery options, and i'd already ordered from my go to thai place earlier in the week. i remembered a pizza menu i got recently, saw that they accepted credit cards, and began to hatch my plan: i would get an $11 pizza, a $4.50 salad, and a $1.00 order of garlic knots to not only meet the credit card requirement of $15.00, but also ensure that this delivery would feed me for 4 to 5 meals. 5 meals for around $17...genius, right?!?!?

so, they are out of garlic knots, but i'm ok with that. the delivery guy comes with my credit receipt for $26. unexpected. i see in their breakdown that the menu i had must've been really old. the pizza was actually $16, the salad almost double at $8. still, for 5 meals, not a bad price. i take a about three dollars worth of bites of the salad before i decide it was not delicious and cut my losses. it's ok, i can still make plenty of meals out of this. genius.

NOT GENIUS. what i forgot to take into consideration is that i would then be eating fucking pizza for every single meal for the next like three days. ugh. things did perk up a little when i stopped reheating in the microwave and instead went for the oven. (loads better)

i am eating the last piece now as i prepare a shopping list for the grocery store. aside from the burrito i ate for lunch yesterday, i've had pizza for every meal since friday night. i never want to see pizza again. learn from my mistakes. just go to the damn grocery store.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

dorothy and the blizzard of ahhhhhhhs

Recently, on That's My JAM!!!:

- Horny Sally makes a triumphant return

- everyone feels the same way about Katy Perry

- three hours of my life, down the drain

- need some awesome roller derby names?

- my token, let me show you it

- a little projrun reality corner

- so, a guy named el paso walks into a bar...

- kazoo chugs past a thousand

- just be glad your name isn't number 16 bus stop, because it seriously could be.

- becca returns with a a subway spotlight that's quite the puzzler. (heyo)

- me and lost are so tight!

check 'em out if you missed 'em! and leave comments! this is a lot more fun to do when we know people are reading...

camp erdman

there are a lot of locations used on Lost that i have ties to because, well, they shoot on my home island. a scene that had jin in korea was actually the valley of the temples, a place my mom, brother, and i stop at yearly on our 'round the island drives. but i just recently found out that all the Camp Locke scenes are shot at Camp Erdman, aka the place where my 6th grade class went for a week to learn archery, take hikes, sing around the campfire, and other camply stuff. Camp Erdman was also the site for my many band camp trips. yeah, go ahead and make fun. but when my friends caked me on my 15th birthday in the middle of all the cabins, little did i know it would be similar to when those boaties caked camp locke. and by "caked" i mean "opened fire on".

i only mean that for the second caked. my friends didn't open fire on me.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Subway Spotlight: Spotted on the tracks

Last night I was standing on the downtown #1 platform at 42nd street station, when i look down on the tracks and see this:
A rubik's cube. I can safely venture to say, that it's one thing i have never seen on the subway tracks before.

Though most items of any value that end up on the tracks seem to end up there accidentally, I sort of get the feeling this one was thrown down there in frustration. Actually, it reeks of something i would probably do. Damn you Rubik's cube!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

and we think Apple is bad

a judge in new zealand has made 9 year old girl a ward of the court in order for her to be renamed. her given name? Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. Seriously, who does that? who names their child "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii"?!?!

the article also mentions some other names that registration officials have banned, and a few peculiar ones that they let slide. Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit were all blocked, while Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence were not.

some people should not be allowed to have kids, and it ain't the gays.

Link from [yahoo!]

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

kazoo turns 1,000

*screenshot from a*dizzle

Monday, July 21, 2008


is this lady's husband named El Paso, Texas?

SRC: Project Runway 5

man, katy perry is even on project runway. she's everywhere!

in other news, i already hate two designers, and their names are Suede and tanning know, the one that said something like "I'm just so happy and tan!".

tried to make me go to rehab

after about five months of sitting out the jump rope rounds in boxing class, refraining from any sort of running or jogging, wearing a boot, writing a rap, making a video about it, and countless hours of physical therapy and doctor appointments, i had my last physical therapy appointment this morning. (at least let's hope my leg continues to heal and i don't have to go's still not at 100%, but it's pretty durn close). my awesome PT (who insisted i show him boot balance) and i decided that because i no longer want to curl up and die when he deep massages my leg, and because i've gone almost a full week without it bugging, i'm on the right track and can continue strengthening exercises on my own. as a parting gift, he gave me a spear center tshirt, which was a pleasant surprise, especially considering i LOVE FREE TSHIRTS!

i was riding the train home with the shirt folded up in my lap when i looked down and saw the design...or rather, the part of the design that was visible: in a circle around the logo, the words "Rehab. Relief. Recharge." Now, I know that the spear center is a physical therapy place, but i wonder if anyone on the train saw my shirt and thought maybe i was just released from betty ford.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Roller Derby

There was a time when my group of lades from college were all huddled in the northeastern section of the u. s. of a. then one year, one lade broke free to the west coast, and as a result, we have annual or semiannual grown up reunions. there are lots of events that take place during these meets -- shopping (not my fave), a tattoo or two, some sort of activity requiring drinking, coney island visits, performances by The Groins on rock band (not to be confused with The Crotch-Grabbing Groins), and much more...but there is one constant that remains through all these activities, and it is the creation of genius. One night, we were all sitting at a diner, and our friend fast ed decided to tell a story. before she started, i made the rule that we could only respond to her in cliched statements. hilarity ensued. i suggest you all try it at home, because it is more fun than a bag of jacks. more recently, sitting around at our favorite restaurant in little italy, we decided to figure out what our names would be were we all on a roller derby team together. what resulted was an extended period of time where we ran the gamut of beloved female characters (and others), turning them all into angry aggressive roller derby players. here is a list of what we came up with:

barbara balls to the walters, halle bury'em, strawberry scratch-cake
polly sock-it, betty cocker/blocker, i loathe lucy, sandra lay-it-on her,
the baby splitters club, nancy bruise, tina burner, splitney bruiston, gloria head-step-on, lowblowis lane, lois sprain, plunder woman, gloria blindem, barbara slap-em-in-the bush, margaret smackher, sojourner toothless, the virgin scary, scary magdalene, queen of smarts, dorothy and the blizzard of ahhhhhs, glinda the good bitch, poke your haunches, leave it to cleaver, debby hits em, dianne sawher, mia marrow, florence night and tale of woe, rambo bright, dolly pardon me while i crush you, cindi popper, chixie dicks, neve slambell, your body is a blunderland, penelope bruise, davie sockit, injurella, erin popyourbitch, painbo blight, malice in blunderland, snow why i oughta, spunky bruiser, alex smack, clarissa explains your fall, little bo beat, shearodney king, rape-unzel, singerella, my little bony, beauty and the beats, beauty and the teats, the little squirmaid, murphy frown

can you guys come up with any good ones? i'm going out of town for the weekend, but i'd love to see some winners in the comments when i get back!

The Good Shepherd

After about a month and a half of neglecting The Good Shepherd, i finally decided to remove it from its coffee table home and watch the damn thing. i was waiting it out because i knew i probably had to be in a certain mood to watch it, and when that mood never came, i just bit the bullet. (i can't bring myself to send something back without watching it, just as i can't bring myself to walk out of a theater or turn off a movie that's terrible if i've been watching it from the beginning.) Normally, i watch my netflixed movies in my living room, and my netflixed tv shows in my bedroom. this is usually because i will watch something in bed to fall asleep to, and i'd rather it be something in shorter installments that i can watch piece by piece, instead of cutting a movie up into several portions. however, this was a special circumstance, and i was willing to watch the good shepherd in parts.

the first three nights, i only lasted about 30 minutes before falling asleep. i glanced at the sleeve of the disc and saw "2 hr 20 min" so figured i should step my game up. the next night i was able to watch about 45 mins, but when i glanced at the timecode, and it seemed nowhere near an end, i again checked the disc sleeve. Oh. 2 hours and 48 minutes. that's different.

i finally finished this flick last night and after 2 hours and 58 minutes of my life (i fell asleep the last ten minutes, and rewound to rewatch. unnecessary.), i cannot tell you what happened in that movie. i can tell you both matt damon and robert deniro were in it. angelina jolie was also in it. i know that angelina jolie attacks matt damon like a horny butterfly (?) and he learns that encounter impregnated her whilst macking on another girl. i also know that kid grew up in what seemed to be a parallel universe, because all of a sudden he was like 20, but angelina jolie and matt damon were still the same. i have no idea what the plot of the movie was, and i only know it had to do with the cia from stuff i read about it. i probably shouldn't have watched it in parts, but it also probably shouldn't have been 2 hrs and 48 minutes. nothing justified that. so yeah, aside from that, i either should have paid more attention, or robert deniro should've made a more interesting movie.

has anyone else seen it? were you actually paying attention? can you tell me what happened?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

who is this "katy perry"?

america is trying to make me love a girl named katy perry and i just can't do it. first, let me show you why i can't do it:

1: is she even singing this?
2: her voice doesn't match her body
3: is this song sung by a robot?
4: i hate these lyrics
5: your boyfriend? ugh.
6: where did this girl learn how to perform? Wooden Plank School?
7: i think that dress belongs on my dolly
8: did she just say "a-gain" oh. no. i wish she had though
9: it's not what good girls do? great message.
10: why are you flirting with all the dudes onstage while singing about how great it is to kiss a girl?

and unrelated to the video, this week in the barrage of press that this girl has been getting, i discover that she used to be a christian singer...and has said stuff like 'i'll do anything for attention'

what's making it difficult not to completely hate her is that she looks like one of my absolute favorite actresses, emily blunt:

but then, i was reading the ol' google reader, and best week ever pointed out that she is a dead ringer for zooey deschanel. also true:

katy perry:

i'm so confused!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

she's a lady

a recent photo comment thread on my *coughcough* facebook page has reminded me of one of my favorite things that i've done in conjunction with recent CtS inductee, bill_t. When we first did this, it was more as an extension of a running joke that had been happening at our live daily interstitial show offices, which is why I don't think i ever really made a big deal about it. but now that i've been removed from that for a while, and after a recent rediscovery of her in late january and again this week with that aforementioned comment thread, i'm pretty sure that this is something that's actually funny, and not just within the confines of our cubicles.

Horny Sally is a girl we met who was down on her luck. we took her in, exchanged some life lessons and companionship for sexual favors, and then made her a myspace page. i think you should all peruse it if you're bored...i'm not one to toot mine own horn, but i'm pretty sure bill and i came up with some pretty genius details on that page.

you should befriend her if you haven't already! she is definitely a cool chick to know. and she's a slut.

Friday, July 11, 2008

i'm tired of these muthafuckin ticks

this week, on the blog:

- there were bloopers!!

- there were ticks!!

- there was confusion!!

- there was a subway spotlight!!

but you saw it all when it was first posted, right?

Subway Spotlight: Sleepy Sebastian

I boarded a train recently that was not too packed, but had a decent amount of people on it. The first thing I saw before the doors even opened was an entire row of seemingly empty seats. This was pretty exciting for me because something that i always do before the train doors open is scope out any available seats, mentally note the distance i am to each one as well as how many people might challenge me to those seats, and what said people's chances of beating me are. A complete row of seats eases the pressure of subway seat hunting.

The doors open, and I immediately head to the empty row. I am caught off guard by a man sleeping on all that empty space (approximately five seats). I quickly scan the area (i had not prepared a plan b, since plans a through e were that "empty row" of seats) , spot an empty seat, and take it as my own.

As we're riding, I see the amount of people that have to stand now because sleepy sebastian is resting his head here. They seem annoyed. I start getting annoyed for them, because if it weren't for my fine-tuned seat scoring skillz, i too would be standing. but then i thought of poor Esmin Green who died and was ignored. (:() So then i watched sleepy sebastian long enough to make sure he was breathing, which he was, and then continued to be annoyed at him on behalf of other people.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

sarah martina

a couple of nights ago, i went to see one of my favorite movies (wet hot american summer) at mccarren park pool. (it's gotta be good if it takes me to greenpoint, am i right? am i right? those of you that live in greenpoint...don't answer.) As i headed to the pool to meet a special group of ladies, one of whom is rockstar Sarah Fullen of Sarah Fullen and the Stanleys, i passed two girls greeting each other. Apparently, one was named Sarah* (though not the sarah of Sarah Fullen and the Stanleys) and the other named Martina. So, to paint a clearer picture, as I walked toward a drained pool in a foreign land, i hear to my left:

martina: "Sarah!"
sarah: "Martina!"

for a girl that likes to avoid any unplanned encounters, this was disconcerting. however, i quickly realized what was going on, and went on my way.

*i just know she had an h

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Ticks on a plane!!

i opened up my google reader today to my cnn page and was greeted with the following headline:

"Ticks on a plane delay flight for six hours"

my first instinct was to add it to my shared items with the comment "Get these muthafuckin' ticks OFF MY MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE!!"

my second instinct was to go ahead and read the story. basically, a passenger found a tick, so they emptied the plane and brought another for the flight (hence the six hour delay), and cleaned the plane of ticks.

my third instinct was to post my favorite part of the article, which is this:

"United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said between one and three ticks were discovered."

i don't know if it's the massive amount of logic puzzles i've been completing during my time of unemployment, priming my brain for such quandaries as this, but if i were to venture a guess, i would say they found two ticks.

Monday, July 07, 2008

bloop balance

who doesn't love bloopers, am i right? here are some outtakes from the boot balance shoot:

if you haven't seen boot balance yet, then click on over here. if you have seen it, drop a comment or a rating or both!! wow, why not!?

and if you still haven't had enough boot balance, (which you probably have), then head over to BB at funny or die and vote funny. right? you get it.

Friday, July 04, 2008

deep like an ocean

this week, on the an unprecedented move, there is at least one post every day of the week. what?! is someone around here unemployed?!

on sunday - a nekkid person disconcerts me

on monday - netflix wins us back

Donald Trump says something stupid, must be tuesday

wednesday, we get ahold of notes for a season 2 tila tequila meeting

thursday was Becca's Birthday and we celebrated by talking about summer television options

also, if you loved boot balance, then please help us out and come here and vote funny! we've got a special boot balance treat coming soon.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

SRC: Summer TV Extravaganza

we haven't talked much about tv recently, so let's get it all out there. in the absence of the fantastic summer program, Kid Nation, what is everyone watching to pass the time? i am watching:

Shear Genius - Bravo's haircutting reality show started up again a couple of weeks ago and i forgot how much i missed it. the very first challenge, the contestants had to cut hair blindfolded. how can you not want to see that!? there's also a contestant named Oshun (pronounced 'ocean') who said at least 5 times in the first 10 minutes that he's "deep, like an ocean'.

Project Runway 5 - the last season before it heads to Lifetime (i think) starts off July 16. It's weird to have two project runways in one year, but there isn't a lot of stuff competing for attention.

American Gladiators - i love this show and only a little bit ironically

I Survived a Japanese Gameshow! - i initially dismissed this show because i thought it was going to be like that other MXC ripoff sans hilarious dubbing (wipeout i think it's called)...i thought every week a new group of silly americans would try out crazy japanese takeshi's castle-like games. what it really is is a season long challenge with the same, unchanging group of silly americans. each week, they compete on the same japanese show, and whichever team loses has to choose two of their own to go against each other at elimination. i missed the first episode, but the challenge in the second was called "Crazy Crane Finds Fluffy Bear" -- one team member was hoisted in the air like a crane from those grabber machines with large crane arms, while the others operated the controls of the crane. amazing. also, when a contestant gets eliminated, a door opens and a gaggle of japanese men in suits and sunglasses run after the contestant, hoist him/her up in the air, and carry him/her off stage, all while the audience is singing the Sayonara song. as i said, amazing.

so you think you can dance - tonight will take us down to 6 couples, which means its time to get serious. and how can you resist cat deely? you can't!!!

celebrity family feud - i love family feud, celebrities or love of celebrity family feud was recently renewed when watching some old school richard dawson celeb family feud eps with a dear friend of mine, and even though the dawson creeped me out with his affection for the female celebs (and one innocent little boy), at least he wasn't as nerdy as al roker is. seriously, you should've seen the dude when the playmates from The Girls next Door were on. oh also, they don't use last names for the families, instead they are "The Dog the Bounty Hunters" and "The Raven Symones" and "The Ice-Ts"

a non reality show that i'm really getting into is Swingtown. I don't know if it's the show that grabs me, or the fantastic Molly Parker ( Alma Garrett from Deadwood), but i look forward to it every week.

so that's what i've got going on for summer fun. do you guys have anything else you're watching that we should know about?

Birthday time again!!

Oh, Becca, I remember when i first met you. You were in diapers, crawling around with fruit punch mouth. What a difference three years makes! Happy Birthday you special little dumpling!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

SRC: TT S2 Prod. Meeting

Tila Tequila Season 2 Planning Meeting

Goals :

- a girl must win (or else the world won't believe tila is actually bisexual*)

- winner must have a good chance of 'breaking tila's heart' to bring us to season 3


Thoughts? Ideas?

- Find a girl that has never been in a relationship with a girl nor been in love with a girl, but has hooked up with a girl. This way, Tila won't feel too icky choosing her.

- Tell girl to call herself bisexual (must perpetuate the 'waffling' stereotype that shows that bisexuals are really just in an eternal limbo of not knowing what they want)

- Ensure chosen one makes it to the end, despite any chemistry or lack thereof

- Ensure Tila chooses waffling girl instead of boy that is head over heels in love with her...proceed with this plan even if the girl makes it obvious that she is actually not really into girls that way and is freaking out about the possibility of 'winning'



Excuse for dumpage this season must be LESS AMBIGUOUS than last. Audience may grow suspicious if we head into season three with tila repeating that her heart was broken, even though there are conflicting reports saying the season 1 winner never heard from tila again. IDEA--- SHOW REJECTION ONSCREEN??? RATINGS GOLD!!!!

*which she isn't

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Time again for a Genius Trump Quote!

just came across this item on my google reader, from WireImage via mollygood

Donald Trump Opens His Mouth Again

Donald Trump always likes a good feud, especially when the matter at hand has absolutely nothing to do with him. His latest victim is Anne Hathaway, who we imagine has enough to deal with at the moment. Evidently Donald is offended by Anne’s lack of loyalty to con artist Raffaello Follieri (who spent the majority of his weasel-y time holed up in Trump Towers), and he’s telling everyone about it:

"She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she? So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?"

Well, you would know all about women only liking men for money, wouldn’t you, Donald?

umm, didn't she stick by him through several arrests, and the most recent dumpage happened right before his latest and biggest arrest? also, he's a total loser...and i'm sure she has a fair amount of money on her own, this isn't your typical gold digger situation that trump himself gets into time and time again. and lastly, how is this any of his business. (or mine for that matter)