A gaggle (35) of girls get schoolbused (apparently, bussed can be spelled like bussed or bused [both look weird], however bussed has its own separate meaning: a kiss) somewhere and i wonder if any are bummed that last cycle's casting session got a whole cruise ship. They all scream way overenthusiastically and we are dramatically taken to a commercial break so we can ponder what kind of huge celebrity guest stars tyra has snagged and caused the girls to lose their minds. if you're a pro antm watcher like me though, you would not have been surprised when we come back from commercials to see they were getting way too excited over the J(ay)s. we've got a prep school theme this year, so all the girls must change into their schoolgirl uniforms and get their photo ids. prep school fun. we're not gonna go through all the girls because we already know which girls made it. after the pictures are taken, miss jay goes over some runway basics. oof. shalynda tells us its her 8th time auditioning (this is cycle 10, mind you). who wants to be the one to tell her she doesn't make it this time either? not it.
the girls are then led to homecoming and run fullforce to a bonfire. i don't know about you, but when i see a huge fire, i run away from it. some former antm contestants are filling the extras roles of 'cheerleaders' because they ain't got nuthin better to do. oh joanie, you're so pretty. why can't you get away from antm? they should start The Gauntlet-Type challenges for old Top Model Contestants. Think about it...12 non winners x 9 past cycles -- we've already got a pool of 108 girls here. The girls learn top model is going to new york (i already knew this last fall, when i came semi-close to working on the show. i didn't want to ruin the magic though.) Tyra hams it up. Whitney says you can't take your eyes off her. is that a fat joke? i hope so. ugh. tyra. stop.
the girls talk about how they think dominique is a tranny. hey! i thought that too! Can we talk about what the hell is going on with claire's hair? the girl from africa calls muhammed ali's niece ghetto. they have words. i hate that niece.
Saleisha's first "my life as a covergirl". she grew her hair out immediately i see. wise. also, sounds bored.
Fatima (girl from africa) then calls 8 time loser Shalynda a bitch (in the most hilarious 'who's on first?' way). Damn, fati, you saucy! that's how they do in somalia. shalynda goes crazy and is about to cut a bitch when, cut to:
Ok, now we know why Fatima's mad at the world. oh geez. oh ouch. female circumcision, age 7. yikes on bikes. hoooo. lemme go faint. oh god. then she describes it and...oh geez. i faint again. Shaya (ali's niece) learns about this and makes up with fatima. she looks like Hallie Eisenberg kinda. but not white. anyway, shaya loses it and is all hugs and cries for fatima. marvita, all tough and hard and knowin' abuse, asks fatima if she feels like less of a woman. everyone responds 'shut up!'. i would've responded 'does that penis make you feel like any less of a woman marv?'
the group is narrowed down some and are told that they will now head to their self-styled senior photos. tyra, j., and jay look over them. they rightly tease anya for her hawaii local kine accent. try living on the island where several people talk like that.
allison is called first (she's totally on my team too! yes! also, slightly cross eyed, but way pretty), followed by fatima (how could she not, right?), Katarzyna, Kimberly (meh, early out), Stacey Ann (danielle, but not as cute), Aimee and weird Amy (too much bronzer!) are called but Tyra says one must change her name. really? that's fucked up. they even spell it different! anyway, spoiler alert, amy is the one who will change it and she'll change it to Amis. Claire (i'm moving atalya off my team for her, she better not disappoint), Whitney (plus size represent!), Marvita, Lauren (the punk with zero heels and runways skeelz), Atalya, and finally Anya. Tyra announces that since it was such a strong group this year, she's going to allow one more in and that