Friday, October 31, 2008

when it comes to pipes...

...boys usually know what they are talking about.

i was telling a friend of mine about my latest apartment woes (i could write a book at this point)... in summary, my bathtub was running water at a pretty steady pace even though the knob was off. it started last friday. i'm on day 5 of a 12 day work streak, and my super doesn't work on the weekends, so there hasn't been any time for me really to do anything about it. tuesday morning i tried, but my super was busy elsewhere. today was the next chance i got. what i'm trying to say is, i've been listening to running water for a week straight now. it was driving me insane.

i was telling a friend of mine about this the other day and he asked me why i didn't just shut off the supply line. i told him that i would do that, but i only knew where the knob for the toilet was. he told me that it's the same one. he sounded very confident. so i went to the bathroom and checked out the toilet supply line. it looked like it just went straight to the toilet, so i searched for another one...the one by the sink maybe. i located that in the cabinet, but when i turned the knob, nothing happened. i sighed and gave up.

so what happens today when my super walks into my bathroom? he reaches down by the toilet and turns the knob...the running water immediately stops. i could've saved myself some sanity if i had tried turning the damn thing instead of just looking at it lead into the toilet. ok, i learned my lesson. can things stop breaking in my apartment now?

also, now that the water is gone....i kind of miss it.

Happy Halloweenie!!

And now, a special halloween version of the round up:

- Becca shares with us her costume idea for today.

- i get concerned about whether or not the free donuts i encounter are a trick or a treat

- something about how meme could sound like mummy

- i always thought my frequent blushing was masked

- i half-heartedly welcome back jack skellington

- after going to amsterdam and hanging out in brothels, ANTM is left with a handful of round-eyed ghosts.

- i reminisce about my love for the spice ghouls

- the way people stump for mccain is scaaaarrryyyy

FRC: ANTM - lady of the ship

Previously: Joslyn went home, everyone else went to Amsterdam. If I went there I would say "Leuk dat je kijkt naar Nickelodeon" Which means "Good that you're watching Nickelodeon" or something....

The girls arrive in Amsterdam and are greeted by Daphne Deckers, host of Holland's Next Top Model, and she greets the girls in Dutch...I think she says "Good that you're watching Nickelodeon." Oh, actually she says "Welcome to Amsterdam." AmsterDAMN, i cannot WAIT until the girls have to do the mother tongue commercials. i imagine marjorie will appear as though she's having a stroke.

the girls have to choose partners before being released unto amsterdam to find their new home. winning pair gets 50 extra frames. McKey and Sheena would've been the fastest to pair up if Marjorie and Analeigh weren't already making out. this means sam is stuck with elina. this is why you never hang in threes.

LIFE HISTORY SNEAK PEEK: over footage of elina walking barefoot on a moving walkway, she says it was probably the most fun she's ever had. did she already hit the weed bar? maybe it's because immigrants don't know how to express fun.

sam & elina win the challenge, barely beating analeigh and marjorie. somehow mckey and sheena lost their lead. hilarious, since analeigh was called first last week, her commercial will play on repeat for the whole week.

the girls meet miss jay in the red light district. the girls are paired off and meet with designers to model in windows of brothels. OMG that gown jacket is awesome. the winners get brought back to amsterdam to walk in some shows (or something...i wasn't paying attention.) mckey and sam win. that's two wins for sam today.

the girls go to a boat for their shoot. the 'lady of the ship' as tyra puts it. how amsterdamian.

elina and sheena don't do great. analeigh impresses everyone, mckey outs herself as a freak by wearing her D&D outfit to panel. tyra outs herself as not knowing what the hell goes on on her own show by asking mckey if that was the outfit she won for winning the window challenge.

sam comes up and they make fun of her outfit by saying she looks like a mom. tyra immediately jumps up and goes over to sam to try and make some adjustments to better her outfit. she pulls shit around, skirts go higher, sleeves go shorter. it looks crazy. miss jay takes his pants off and throws them at sam. paulina assesses tyra's handiwork and says "now she looks like a mom that was hit by a truck." sam gets decent reviews, so it looks like the bottom might be sheena and elina. which brings me to katarzyna. she's doing well!!

mckey is called first, then analeigh, marjorie, and samantha. as expected, sheena and elina are clawing it out. i bet sheena wishes she listened when elina said she had a dream of the two of them crying. elina is lacking person and abundant in control. sheena is all personality and freedom lalala but inconsistent. aaaannnd...elina is safe again. bye sheena!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Military Island

As I was leaving my sometime office building in times square today, i heard some chanting going on. my friends and i looked over to military island and saw a sad little group of people holding McCain/Palin signs and shouting "Vote McCain, not Hussein!!" I didn't even have time to form my thoughts about how this angered me before we noticed the mob on our side of the street. our mob was not organized nor planned, as theirs was. our mob was just a huge group (probably bigger than theirs) of pissed off people that had collected probably whilst on their ways to the train from work. many were heckling the mccain lovers. it was awesome, mostly because i didn't think they expected any sort of retaliation. the best part is that some of new york's finest had to come out and line the streets on the side of our mob so no one would break free and bum rush the republicans. not that anyone would carve backwards m's in their faces anyway.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

hold it down, feel the noise

so yesterday, i'm sitting around minding my own business, when that soul II soul song "back 2 life" gets stuck in my head. i decide i must get that song in my personal library and contacted the one person i knew would have it. then today, i'm sitting around, minding my own business all to "back 2 life, back 2 reality" and "howevah do you want me, howevah do you need me" a couple times back 2 back. finally i let my itunes continue playing, and it isn't until about five songs later that i realize it's not shuffling (as its normally set to do) but playing in order (as i change it to do when i need to Girl Talk my way through some home exercises). i realize this when spice girls songs start playing back to back.

i'm sure most of you know that there was a serious spice girl period of time in my life. i'm not ashamed of it, but i acknowledge that most of you are making fun of me right now because of it. i truly loved them and i still kind of do. so i'm sitting here thinking about how crazy i was about the spice girls way back when, and if you went to my room in hawaii you'd find not only spice girl books, lollipops, and posters, but also all the cds they put out (aside from the recent greatest hits collection) plus cds of all the singles they put out and even a spice girls video game. then i remembered they did a pepsi commercial one summer, and how i spent all summer watching music videos on mtv (did i just age myself?) just waiting to see that pepsi commercial. so i searched for it on youtube:

my life would be so different if i had youtube when i was growing up.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

FRC: ANTM - Aswirlin' Windmills

Previously: the clip show. before that, L.B. got the boot.

marjorie and elina bond over being emotionally closed off Europeans. samantha is all, 'uh, haven't you lived here since you were, like 8?" and I'm all "mmHMM!!" and Elina freaks out about it and cries. because her newfound ability to cry is like my bathtub in its current state -- constantly streaming water. elina and marjorie found something to blame their awkwardness on and are really overusing it. thankfully, sheena and mckey are with me on this.

and here were are with those tweedle dee and dum aswirl twins. i wonder what these two do off season. i feel like they are kept in a box in storage somewhere. they don't seem to really even know what they are talking about. then there's james st. james playing with greenscreen body suits. they must sign these guests into contract 10 seasons at a time. speaking of, fucking SHOKET comes out. the girls must all wear green bodysuits and model invisibly. or something.

shoket and the pink haired designer are less than impressed with the girls. well, nobody is TEACHING them anything. it's not like other reality competition shows like project runway and top chef, where those contestants possess full and professional knowledge of the necessary skills. these are just pretty (sometimes) girls that want to be on tv and think they are pretty enough and tall enough to do it by way of 'modeling'. they don't teach these girls anything anymore! anytime anybody asks tyra how to smile with one's eyes, she ALWAYS responds "okay okay okay, look at me. right now i'm not smiling with my eyes (doesn't smile with eyes) okay? and now, i am smiling with my eyes (smiles with eyes)". fucking GREAT tyra. we KNOW you can do it, but can you please teach us how? (not me though, i totally know how to do it) Elina wins the challenge and shares her prize (seventeen photo shoot) with Annaleigh and Marjorie. all the wet blankets stick together.

marjorie and elina have started being elite europeans. i'm surprised they aren't wearing berets and putting skinny cigarettes out on people's faces. sheena wins me over a little here by telling them to grow up and get over it. i wonder if annaleigh is jealous of marjorie's new love. yo.

photo shoot - covergirl commercial. whitney is there and analeigh is like 'this is huge!' that HAD to be a fat joke. samantha does pretty well, it seems. joslyn is feeling sick, elina is too controlled, mckey is "clueless", cute analeigh kind of is awesome, joslyn pukes everywhere, marjorie is all hunchbackica nervosa, sheena does really well, joslyn powers through her vomit...she overdoes it, but at least she did it. right? spoiler alert -- no.

marjorie of course thinks she'll be on the chopping block, but she keeps saying 'shopping block'. maybe it's an immigrant thing. at panel, tyra briefly and pointlessly brings back the panel challenge and makes the girls walk in clogs. oh i guess it wasn't pointless, but rather tyra's fun way of telling the bitches to pack their bags they're going to AMSTERDAM!!! the aswirl twins come out dressed as windmills. what is going on with this show?

seven girls remain, 6 are going to amsterdam. those 6 include analeigh, sheena, sam, marjorie, and mckey for sure. this leaves joslyn and elina. samantha is awesomely repeatedly whispering joslyn's name. one took great pics but has faltered, one took great pics, but can't let go of some control. sheena also whispers joslyn's name. tyra says it aloud and i guess elina goes home because this is where my dvr cuts off.

but i'm wrong. as discussed with my smart and handsome brother, my dvr cut out right in the middle of an unfortunate sentence structure of tyra's, and rather Joslyn is the one that got the boot.

FRC: PUA - Season 2

Alright. So here's the deal -- I know i'm very tardy with this pick up artist reality corner. i'm generally behind with my television watching right now, but i'm doing my best to catch up. i got halfway through a recap of the first episode and i was way too bored with it. this is going to be a lot of repetition from the first season, so I decided to just pull ridiculous quotes from Mystery (and others if otherwise noted).

Let's just catch everyone up first. There is the promise of Kosmo, last season's winner. Matador grew his hair out and lost a ton of weight. he looks even cartoonier than before. the fake british dude seems to have been replaced by last year's date-for-hire, Tara. There were like 3 separate time killing intros into the first episode. In case you missed any of those intros, or are not even planning on watching the show, a fairly accurate description can be found by clicking here.

Alright, I didn't start collecting quotes til halfway through the first episode, but this will also cover the second ep. In or out of context, these quotes are worthy of mockery and eye rolling. as stated above, all quotes are from Mystery, unless otherwise noted.

"i'll let you snack on my girls"

"now i'm known as a fashion misfit, but tonight there will be no crutches. I won't need my hat." [his power is in the hat!!]

"picking up women is fun! and easy!"

episode 2

"Matt, since you've won today's reward challenge, you win what is inside this bag. this is my secret accessory. i'll teach you how to use that later. " [heyo!]

[ps the secret accessory is a black boa]

"notice by talking to the man first, he's gotten permission to talk to the girls." - matador [oh, really? this is what you're teaching. that a man is in charge of a whole group of ladies he's with and makes the decision of who the girls talk to?]

[just another pause from the quotes. so one of the dweebs was being super creepy during his field test and the girls he was trying to talk to were being unnecessarily rude so tara was all "what bitches!!" and then mystery gets all whiny and is like "welcome to reality! now you know what guys have to deal with!" like, yeah douche, that's the realistic response a girl gives when a guy is being CREEPY.]

"See this man right here? why didn't he introduce himself to this man and pay respect to the man first?" [!]

"that scarf is maaaagic in my hands."

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Secret Redface

oh dear. you know when you're close to something, so that's all you wait for, but then one day you forget about it, and all of a sudden you've missed what you were waiting for? no? is that just me? well, i knew becca and i were close to post 600, and then i forgot to pay attention, and i missed it. SO, first things first - HAPPY 600TH POST Becca!!!

(this is what i imagine becca would say): HAPPY 600TH POST Sara!!!

ok, so now we're on 601 with secret redface. i went to a nearby pizza place on my break the other day (you may remember it) and right after i ordered my slice, a younger lady came up to me and was like 'i'm only asking you this because you're a girl'...i kind of panicked here, worrying i wouldn't be a good enough girl in case she had any really girly questions to ask. i did hold a small amount of pride in the fact that i would have a tampon if she asked. she went into a tale of how her son was playing in the sink water in the bathroom and got her all wet and how bad is the stain on her ass. i lied to her and told her it wasn't too bad. truth was, it looked like she pissed herself. however, it was mostly on the inside of the leg, so i did tell her it was barely noticeable if she kept her legs together. that was mostly true.

so then i turn to order a tasty beverage and i think the pizza man says "why are you in a rush?" I respond "Oh, i only have half an hour". He repeats himself "why is your face red?". i told him the truth, which was that it was cold outside and really warm inside (i was wearing a coat) and the temperature change was making me overheat. do you guys think he thought i was redfaced because i had to check out that lady's ass?

let's get to the point here. i was aware that my face was red but for some reason, i've always thought that my sweet mexican caramel skin masks my frequent blushing (be it for temperature related reasons, or other), but it apparently does not, and omg, how many things have i totally blushed at that i thought were unnoticeable but apparently everyone in the world can see when i get a red face? how many things out there should i feel awkward about? my cover is blown!

Monday, October 20, 2008


i've been tagged by by the ol' ball and chain...she tags me a lot for these things and i always mean to do them, but then forget until too much time has passed. but this one requires no thought, so i'm getting it out of the way...

* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next sentence* in your blog along with these instructions.
* Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

"i'm sure she just lied to get him in trouble"

...i don't know who to tag with this, so i'll just tag becca. :D

Saturday, October 18, 2008

free donutz

there is an older african-american gentleman that lives on the first floor of my building...he's probably in his 60's, always wears white head to toe (hats included) and he's pretty friendly. he spends his days (all of them) either sitting in a lawn chair in front of the building, greeting all passersby with "hello beautiful", standing in front of the building greeting all passersby with "hello, beautiful", or sitting in his giant maroon car (always parked in the prime spot in front of the building) staring at everything. he's a little weird, but in a totally nonthreatening way.

he also seems to be a very religious guy. back when i had a busted leg and a boot, he asked me what was wrong. he then asked if i wanted him to pray for me. i thought he meant when he did all his prayers at the end of the day (?) and i may not be much of a prayer myself, but i'm not going to turn down someone else's prayer. i did not know that he meant right there in front of the building (while i was kind of in a rush on my way to work). he put his hand on me and started his enthusiastic praying. when he finished, he said 'ok, it won't hurt anymore'. it was a little awkward. mostly because i mean, it did hurt and i still had to wear the boot. i wonder if he thought i was just going to pull off the boot and go running down the streets.

anyway, all that was to give you an idea of this guy. now onto the tale at hand. i was leaving my building yesterday to pick up my laundry. i'm severely limping because of the ol' broke toe, and i have my granny basket with me. we do our normal 'hello beautiful!'-'how are you?'-'have a great day!' exchange when he throws me for a loop. "you like cake?" he asks. mind you, he's asking me whilst eating a donut, with his mouth covered in glaze and powdered sugar. like seriously all over his mouth. i'm a little thrown off by this, so i just answer yes and try to keep moving. he opens the back door of his car and says "take a box of cake". i peer into his car and there are about 10 unmarked cardboard boxes stacked in his backseat. i say "those are all cakes?" and he says "if you want a box, take it, if you don't, don't." at this point i'm very confused but i also don't want to hurt his feelings. i peer in a box, and it seems to be filled with individually wrapped donuts. i just take it and decide i'll figure out what to do with it later.

so now i'm struggling with a box of 24 donuts that i don't really want, and my cart, and my limp. the box is too big for the cart, so i have to carry it both to the laundromat to pick up my clothes, and back with now a full cart and a limp. i get into my apartment and inspect the donuts. really what i'm looking for is some kind of name brand or explanation as to why this guy would have 10 boxes of this in his car that he's just giving away. the packaging on the donuts is clear with only small blue writing at the bottom with the ingredients. i look closer for a brand, because everyone brands everything. the only thing i can find is Acme Cake Company. that sounds fake.

but now i ask, what should i do with these? my first instinct was to just throw them out because i really don't need 24 donuts in my life, but it feels like kind of a waste. it does seem like acme cake company is an actual brooklyn cake company. i guess what i'm asking is, does anyone want a strange man donut?

Friday, October 17, 2008

this is who i am attempting to be for halloween this year.


and yes - i did scan one of my troll dolls. i actually did this a like 4 years ago probably.....once a weirdo, always a weirdo.

i had the idea to be a troll doll last year, and was too lazy to actually pull the costume together, but this year - i think i might give it a try.

the main thing that i'm a little perplexed about it the hair.....somehow make my actual hair stand on end and spray it pink...or get some sort of troll like pink wig? i was such a crafty kid/teenager....but i have gotten lazy in my old age.

s1LL1e dancing

kind of recently on the blog:

- as usual, i am full of questions. some about dancing with the stars, some about dancing in general and some about pranking

- at reality corner, top model dropped clark, then the cheese, and celebrated with a clip show

- my boxing instructor might think he's clint eastwood

- becca gets stalked by a mongoose and a man in a turtleneck

- check out where i could've worked!

- and finally, i'm in the midst of a patch of bad luck, as evidenced by the events of this evening and by me breaking my toe last night

the perils of living alone pt. 2

i think i may have broken my toe, y'all. like, actually for real. i still have my old computer boxed up and laying around because i need to get a power cord for it before i can sell it. bad luck patch has been continuing and i stubbed a couple toes on my left foot. it hurt worse than i remember stubs hurting and i'm pretty positive i heard a loud crack. i peter griffined it for a while, unable to move anything because of all the pain. when i could move again, i crawled to my living room to finish my delishus cheezburger. and i'm really bummed that i couldn't fully enjoy that cheezburger because i made it slightly different this time and it was so tasty. after i finished, i do what i always do in this situation -- instant message my brother. then i got really dizzy and had to lay down in case of faintage. when i got my bearings, i quickly made it back to the couch in the living room before the dizziness returned.

you know how when you stub your toe, it's like, a dull pain for a little while and then it's done. well, it was like that for one of the toes, the other has a sharp pain and is rather uncomfortable. but it's like my fourth toe, so it's kind of useless to do anything about it, right? there isn't really anything i can do anyway, riiight?

morning update: i definitely think my toe is broken/fractured. i was hoping the pain would lessen overnight, but it hasn't, and now there's some bruising. and honestly, walking shouldn't be this much of a problem. why do i keep doing these things to myself?

FRC: ANTM - short and sweet

previously: tyra wanted a shocker, so she dumped lauren brie.

clip show?!? i'm not recapping this bullshit.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


a couple months ago, when things were pretty dire for me job-wise, i started perusing craigslist to look for additional income. before ever even responding to the cookie ad, there were a few job postings i hesitantly went after. i say hesitantly because at this point i wasn't fully committed to finding an additional job, and therefore i didn't really expect much from the one or two other posts i responded to. when i was looking, i perused the food service area (for bartending and hosting jobs), the media area (because that's what i know), and the writing area (because i think that's something i could get into). one ad was searching for a witty blogger that knew how to do internet research and was familiar with celebrity and entertainment goings-on. well, if that's not me, i don't know what is. so i responded to the ad, leaving a link to this blog for some writing samples. i didn't hear back from them, but didn't really give it a second thought. then, the cookies found me and i stopped looking.

a couple weeks ago (aka about a month and a half after responding to the original ad) i get an email in my email box regarding this ad i responded to. they were asking if i was still interested, and if i were, could i please let them know when i would be available for a phone interview. for a second i considered taking on what would essentially be a third job doing witty celebrity blogging, which i feel i could kind of do in my sleep and might be worth the extra effort. that is, until, i got to the part of their email where they dropped the name of their site. it's taken me a while to write this post because i didn't really want to immediately be like 'omg guys go here!!!' so soon after i'd responded to them (i link to this blog in my email signature), but i feel like they probably don't care, i don't care, and enough time has passed. allow me first to let you guys see the site that wanted me to write for them: flisted. i'll wait til you return...oh and, PS, that site is generally NSFW.

ok, like seriously? seriously? listen, i can sit around and talk about how hot a girl is if you want me to, but all those posts are like 'look this girl has huge tits and i want to bang her'. seriously, i would just have to write that about 10 times a day!! "monday - here's a picture of some 'hot' chick with fake tits. i bet i could totally bang her." "tuesday - this chick is so hot, i'd bang her clear to next week" "wednesday - this chick may not be that hot, but damn she's got some huge tits. i'd bang the hell out of her"

so i guess my question is - should i have taken the interview, seeing how easy the job would've been? or is it good that i politely declined? on the one hand, it would've been a totally easy, mindless job. on the other, i could never tell my mom about it and seriously, i couldn't do that every day.

also, can you read five posts there and tell me if wittiness was required for any of them?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Pranking Question

if someone plays a prank in the woods, and no one is around to laugh at it, does that just make the prankster an asshole?

by telling this story, i'm invalidating my point. before, when i was just a victim with no audience, the prankster was an asshole. now i'm telling my tale, and others will laugh, and the prankster will have won.

you know everyone's favorite prank where you loosely screw the cap of a salt shaker on so that when someone goes to salt their food, you essentially ruin a perfectly good meal for them? well that happened to me, but at a pizza place. and with the red pepper flake shaker. and because i never try to cause a rumble, when the pizza man offered me a new slice i just told him i would 'wipe it off'. i don't know if i realized that this would be similar to an arts and crafts project - the cheese being glue and the pepper flakes glitter. needless to say, i could not just 'wipe it off'. i got most of it, but not without burning my fingertips and mouth. i was then sweaty for the next hour at work. thanks jerk mystery prankster. i hope you're happy now that others can laugh at me. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

FRC: ANTM - gouda-bye

Previously: Marjorie was a french weenie. a oui-nie. (i'm sorry, that's two puns already...i'll stop.) clark got overconfident, which we all know is the kiss of death. na na na na na na...

we get some more background on elina's craziness. some of the girls talk about how annaleigh isn't competition. l.b. is one of them. then they say it to her face. fuel the fire girls.

stupid tyra delivers tyra mail herself. double the dose of rhyming couplets this week. she talks at the the girls about how great she is. tyra will coach the girls through 20 frames, then they will review the pics together, and redo them. the purpose is to find a signature pose. l.b. samantha, and annaleigh seem to struggle.

ok, they really need to stop playing french music when marjorie is onscreen. she's been here like half her life. i wonder if she will find it as offensive as i would if every time i came onscreen they played the mexican hat dance. or if my work made me dress up in a sombrero and mustache. the girls are informed after the fact that this has been a challenge. marjorie wins and gets some diamonds. she shares her prize with annaleigh.

photo shoot: night at the fiercees. ps, i know i'm alone here but i really can't stand sheena. in today's photo shoot, the girls will act out some embarrassing moments that could (or have) happened during award shows.

marjorie has to pee but can't get out of her dress, samantha can't read cue cards, elina is the overemotional sobber. oh there's whitney, probably eating cupcakes. l.b. is tripping on the red carpet, mckey is the overconfident also ran, sheena has someone step on her dress, joslyn has the same dress as another, and annaleigh is the interviewer with attitude.

tyra. is wearing. a hood. i can't. i just can't.

mckey, annaleigh, joslyn and marjorie do well. sheena, samantha, l.b., and elina do meh.

dani! yeah! she's working!!

marjorie is called first, followed by annaleigh (take that haters!), mckey, samantha, elina, and joslyn. that leaves sheena and l.b. i'm guessing sheena. l.b is high fashion but zero personality, sheena is all personality. this is the pair of the cycle that has what the other needs. woah. sheena is safe. that's kind of bullshit. see, i am the only one that hates her. wow. l.b. fell quickly. i mean, i never really liked her. she gets all weird and defensive about how many friends she has at home and how THEY like her personality.

next week - acting.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

a series of unfortunate events

as i've mentioned here before, i go through patches of unfortunate luck. i have a feeling that i'm wading through one of those patches right now, what with my kitchen sink recently calling it quits, that time i committed to a shower before realizing that the water was not warming up at all, and the call i got from my building's management company yesterday saying they never received my rent check (even though, according to my bank, they received and deposited it). i'm hoping that this patch ended with the events of last night, the details of which still cause me to make this face: >:O

i had plans last night to meet up with Moms in order to see a mutual friend in a play. we had planned to meet a little over an hour before the show and grab some food and beverages. we met at the theater and decided it was best to buy our tickets first, to ensure we would get seats. we were greeted by our first sassy gay boy of the night, who told us that the show was sold out. he then offered to put us on the waiting list, but made a point to say that if we were to get in on the waiting list, we would not get the wednesday night discount rate of $10, but would instead have to pay the full $18 price. THAT IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, RIGHT?! so moms raised a stink about it, he coyly fed us the line "we'll see what kind of mood i'm in when you get back" and told us to return at 8:25.

so then we head off in search of McCann's Pub, a place nearby that our mutual play-starring friend suggested would be great to satisfy our hamburger and beer cravings. we head off in search of this so-called pub. in the meantime, moms is so hungry i fear she might soon break into some sort of violent reaction. we are having trouble finding the place, so we stop into a place that looks decent called Pop Burger. after perusing their menu and noticing that they have both burgers and beer, we decide to eat there. we are greeted by two more sassy bitchy gays who seem as uninterested in taking our order as if we were asking a couple of random customers. one of the cashiers seems awfully confused by the register, and they both kind of ignore Moms ordering. We decide 'fuck this noise' and ask if they know where McCann's Pub is. Immediately, they both are like 'we don't know this area' 'i don't know anything about it' but they tell us that there is a Pop Burger Lounge up the stairs. Moms asks if the prices are the same (two 3oz burgers for $7, a beer for $4) and they tell us that indeed they are. We head up the stairs and get a seat in the fancy lounge. i immediately notice on the menu that they are charging $8 for a beer and $15 for the two 3oz burgers. apparently, going up a level makes everything cost twice as much. we apologize to the waitress, tell her we were lied to downstairs, and continue on in search of mccann's pub.

as we are walking with no luck, we pass a building with a couple of doormen hanging around outside. Moms asks them if they know of McCann's Pub. They say that yes, they do know of the place, and that it in fact closed about 3 years ago. !!! ready for the kicker? he then continues with "do you guys know where Pop Burger is? That's where it used to be." !!!! OF COURSE the place we were endlessly searching for was overtaken by fucking POP BURGER.

ugh, so we end up at this wonderful little place called Burger Heaven, quickly enjoying delicious cheezburgers and cheap beers. it gets to be about 8:23, so we head outta there. we get back to the theater at 8:27. the original sassy gay notices us, waits a few minutes, gets on his walkie talkie, and then basically tells us we're shit outta luck. i'll tell you what kind of mood he was in when we got back, bitch mood. even though we were only two minutes after when he told us to be there, he had it out for us and seeing that play last night was not meant to be. then with the fakest smile around he says "try again!". oooh i could've killed some people last night and burned some places down.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

be very afraid

Have you ever had one of those people in your life that you just seem to run into everywhere?
For me, there’s this strange man. I swear I see him everywhere. Everywhere I look, every page I open – there’s his face. I would swear that he’s following me, but I’m pretty sure there’s way he can follow me.
Perhaps the tables have turned and though I think he’s following me, I have unwittingly become his stalker. I mean look how surprised I make him look…

and I realize now that I have several pictures of him on my computer....

look capital one man, look at the monster you have turned me into! I just got a capital one card with a picture of a mongoose (what is that animal?) on it so i can be just like you. i started wearing turtlnecks underneath button down shirts, cropped my hair short, aged about 20 years and became a man so that i could just like you too. is that weird?

Hundred Dollar Baby

when we got our new boxing instructor, what remained of the class (about a handful of people) took a little while to warm up to him. he was not as awesome in the personality department as our last instructor (but really, no one could've been) but he did give a good workout. he also took it upon himself to learn and remember my name, which i think is a nice personal touch. but because i'm only one of maybe two or three people whose name he's asked and remembered, i think it might be because he has big dreams for me.

after the first couple of classes, new instructor juan couldn't stop praising the class as a whole for always really giving it our all with the different exercises. he told us stories of other classes he has, where everyone refuses to do even one pushup, and how he really likes coming to our class, because we all really commit to it. then he offered to give me a ride home, since he lives in my direction. (don't worry, this story isn't going to get creepy). the first time i caught a lift with him was when he first started working on trying to get me to actually fight people. he said that me and one other girl in the class really could be great fighters if we would go to his boxing gym and let him train us. i told him that it's something i've thought about, but really i don't want to get hit in the face.

a couple weeks later during class, he called me and the other girl 'incredible'...he eyed me at some point during the class, asked my weight, and then i saw the gears turn in his head trying to figure out what weight class i could fight in if i dropped some pounds. he gave me a ride home again that day and was like 'listen, i'm not gonna fill your head like last time and say you could be mike tyson, but you could really be a great fighter.' i was all, ok seriously, there are two things holding me back: the face thing, and the fact that my mother would have a heart attack. he again told me to think about it.

when i did tell my mom about it she literally went "whaaaaAAAAAAAT?! hahahaha...NO." so right now, i have no professional fighting plans, but i still have it in my head as an option. especially considering that my mother's next question was my first question: would i be fighting for money?

this week, i head into class, a little more confident than usual. i resist ever being confident or cocky about anything (abilities, knowing an answer to a question, etc) because for me it's always that moment when i turn out dead wrong. so i'm in class this week doing my thang and juan keeps walking by me saying stuff like 'come on sara, what happened to your flys" (or something like that, i could barely hear him because the music was so loud...and i don't know what that means). at the end of class, he says to me 'what happened today sara? too much drinking last night?' which is hilarious, considering 1) that he didn't bring this up when i actually was hungover on my birthday and about to pass out and 2) i most definitely was not drinking on saturday night.

do you think i disappointed him? or do you think he's secretly sneaking coaching tips in to continue to convince to me start fighting fo real?

Friday, October 03, 2008

FRC: ANTM: Sacramone fails again

Previously: Hannah and the trannah got the boot. (i'm sorry, i'm a sucker for rhymes). some amount of bitches remain.

marjorie is such a homeschool. she twitches out the first tyra mail of the episode...and might i say, they really aren't trying with the tyra mails these days. if a dumb group of dumb idiots can guess what they are about, then you've just given up. paulina greets the girls at some warehouse in an illfitting ensemble. the girls get pink hard hats and toolbelts and are given ill fitting ensembles of their own. they must make it work with random tools in their belts, none of which are tyra. (what's the point of the hardhats?) marjorie gets some criticism and starts wigging out.

mckey is starting to look like andy samberg. just an observation. the winner of the challenge gets 50 extra frames. according to paulina, sam did the worst (ouch, is that two weeks in a row she blew the challenge?) and mckey came out the best. marjorie freaks out somewhere.

uh, i fast forwarded through this and didn't feel like rewinding, but can anyone verify for me that whitney's my life as a covergirl this week was about eating cupcakes?? did they make the fattie do a spot about cupcakes?

jay comes in as a lord of the rings character and hilariously has to do his monologue in this orc getup. needless to say, there is absolutely no reason for this, as none of the girls will be dressed like they hail from mordor. instead, the girls will be representing natural disasters whilst dressed in 60's attire. i don't know.

elina is an earthquake, sheena a sandstorm, clark a blackout, l.b. is a snowstorm...and might i say she is very pretty with makeup (i don't like looking at her without it though). joslyn is a rockslide, analeigh is the santa analeigh winds, mckey is a heat wave, sam is a tidal wave and marjorie is a ...traffic jam? and again, might i say that marjorie can really completely change her look with just a wig.

clark is letting this first-called last week thing get to her head. i wonder if that means she's doomed. spoiler alert, it does.

panel - some do well, some do not. tyra is all "when we get back from commercial, we'll see who is a disaster and needs to go ho-ome!" and then we flash to 3 different girls with no expressions on their faces..and then we flash to marjorie, who looks like she just unloaded into her pants.

9 ladies, blah blah. first name called is samantha. next is analeigh, then mckey, elina, marjorie, l.b., and sheena. we are down to clark and joslyn. joslyn started at the top and has fallen. clark is only good not great. since joslyn has a better personality, clark gets dumped. later hater!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

dancing question #2

at a crowded party, is it better to try and grab the spotlight, forming a "show off your moves" spectator ring in the process or to try and get the whole room to join you in a popular but silly line dance?

dancing question

every week on my google reader, a headline pops up from cnn stating that another contestant has been kicked off dancing with the stars. why is this news? they don't do this for other reality competition shows. isn't that, like, the whole point of the that someone gets kicked off every week? i've never watched it, so i don't know if when they get kicked off, they actually get plunged into a pit of hungry carnivores, and thus the headlines are announcing the deaths of the 'celebrities' (or something just as serious)....why else would a headline be necessary every week?