Wednesday, November 29, 2006

aren't day jobs grand?

a certain coolface employee has the distinction of working in the glamorous world of facilities management. In this glamorous world one orders such things as shop vacs, sticky mats, keys and on really good days urinal and toilet partitions. yesterday, we had the honor of ordering said urinal partitions and we would just like to share 2 pictures with you from the public bathroom fixture catalogue. i appologize for the poor quality; they were scanned on a fax machine.

this is balerinas dancing in a public bathroom. perhaps they are contemporary dancers and this is some sort of post modern art. perhaps the people who put this catalogue together had a little too much free time on their hands. i am not quite sure what they are trying to advertise here, but i'm pretty sure it's the paper towel dispenser.

this is a bride and a flower girl posing in a public bathroom, and the flower girl is freaking throwing petals in the air! can you guess what this picture is advertising? yes my are right! this picture is showcasing a tampon/sanitary napkin dispenser.

this was your fun filled introduction into the wild world of facilities management!!!

Monday, November 27, 2006


who would have thunk it? really? not us. it's not like we predicted this and prepared by offering up three potential name-change-hassle-free suitors. NOBODY would have ever guess that Pamela Anderson-Rock and Kid Rock's marriage (which they proved to the world would last by having four ceremonies) would end. Even worse, WHO could have POSSIBLY seen the divorce coming less than half a year after the weddings. Not us. and certainly not anyone out there. we are so caught surprised at this news that we just don't know how to deal with it. But, although our world is turned upside-down right now, we are of sound enough mind to make sure that we once again STATE TO THE WORLD AND TO PAMELA ANDERSON THE FOLLOWING:

Mr. A. Rock is NOT available as a rebound fellow. He is a happily married rock and we here at Coolface have gotten him into enough trouble with his dear wife Bed. They've recently resolved their issues and we think it best to just leave them alone.

I think Borat is interested though.

Today at the Gym

A man was working out whilst wearing a beret. That is all.

Throwin' Apples

A Thanksgiving Tale

a coolface friend and a coolfacer have an orphan thanksgiving together. the coolface friend suggests that chinese food is ordered for the feast. the coolfacer points out that maybe nothing will be open because--after all, it is thanksgiving. the coolface friend pooh-poohs this thought and says that it is TRADITION to not eat turkey on thanksgiving and these chinese food restaurants will NOT attempt to assimilate. Four chinese food restaurants are called, all of which are closed. after throwing a fit, coolface friend calls the one place he knows for sure is open for their hearty thanksgiving meal...Domino's Pizza. The pizza is delivered by a chinese man.

the end

Fall Reality Corner: Late Edition

Sorry! Still having computer difficulties.

We're still in Spain and we've got four round-eyed ghosts (2 of the same ones!) left and the gorgeous but dead-eyed Eugena. This is the episode where the girls are given maps in another language and X amount of time for as many go-sees as possible. inevitably, a girl or two is late and gets disqualified. This time it was the twins. Wuh-oh. Place your bets now. Oh - ps- did CariDee make out with that hot Spanish dude on national tv even though she has a boyfriend? rock on sister. at some other point Tyra blah blahs about...i don't great she is most likely. and then she asks them what's been said to them in panel that hurts them...but then gets all defensive when michelle says something that Tyra herself said. and then she talks about sacrificing herself for the models. VOM! she also said something about the jungle.
So, Melrose won the challenge again and i LOVE seeing the reactions of the people she chooses to share the wealth with because--you know--they all hate her. the photo shoot is with a bull - Jay comes out in a matador outfit and -- No. No no no. Nigel is their photographer. Sexy Nigel. There's some bullshit (haha! Pun not originally intended but totally celebrated when noticed) about CariDee making some bad joke (that I actually thought was hilarious) to scare us into thinking she's in danger again. i think Eugena did the best this week. michelle also did a great job. melrose looked old, CariDee looked like she was thinking of hot Spanish Victor, and least she wants it.
It came down to the twins at panel (SHOCKER!! who would have ever foreseen THIS as a possibility!!???!?) They choose to boot Michelle because according to Tyra, passion outweighs talent in this competition. whatever. until next week when amanda gets booted because she's the least talented left and there aren't anymore clones to sacrifice prior.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

SlutShop Open!!!

Hey all you Slutfire fans out there!!! The SlutShop is now open!! Head on over to get the latest Slutfire gear and be the envy of all your UNCOOL peers!! Makes great gifts!

in preparation for turkey day

thanksgiving is fast approaching, so coolface has already begun slaving away in the kitchen in order to prepare a wonderous thanksgiving feast for the whole family!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Fall Reality Corner

Due to unfortunate circumstances (my home computer refuses to turn on), this post is late. Due to further unfortunate circumstances (my new cubicle allows for zero privacy and also i'm facing the wall, so i don't know if a boss is sneaking up behind me) this needs to be really short. basically, they all went to spain. they all did covergirl commercials in a different language. all the commercials were pretty bad, but through the power of editing, they were able to mix parts from all the girls' commercials into one kind of decent one. bottom two were jaeda and caridee. i got ready to throw my tv out the window and write an angry letter if jaeda were saved again. yes, caridee's commercial was bad...however, so were all the other ones. there were at least 2 others that were as bad as hers...i think tyra's just picking on her because she's the frontrunner. also, they were all 'we're nervous that your commercial was so bad because you will get a covergirl contract out of this'...what they kept failing to mention was that a) caridee WON the challenge that had them making a silent film b) ALL of the commercials were terrible and c) whoever wins and gets the covergirl contract probably WON'T have to do the commercials in a specific spanish dialect that they've never seen before. and even if they do have to do that, they'd probably have more than four hours to study. ugh. this show really pisses me off sometimes. but not as much as a computer that won't turn on. so, in summary: jaeda's gone....and we all think eugena will be next, but i really don't think tyra will allow a top four of round eyed ghosts...aka whiteys. so, umm..if it's not eugena it will probably be one of the twins.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Team Jazzies!

Pretend you are in a jazzercise class. And now, pretend that every year in this jazzercise class, there is a contest wherein you must choose a partner from the class and the two of you must compete as a team to win various prizes. Now, picture the loner lady named Kina in your jazz class approaching you and asking you to be your partner. And finally, imagine the following conversation happening between the two of you (one coolface mom doesn't have to imagine...) (ps, THREE people approached this coolface mom to be on their team. looks like we know who the popular one in the class is)

KINA: You want to be my partner?
COOLFACEMOM: Sure! Ok, we have to think of a team name. What do you think it should be?
KINA: How about Bubbles?
COOLFACEMOM: ... Umm. Did you say Baubles?
KINA: No. Bubbles!!! Like-- (makes bubble-blowing motion)
COOLFACEMOM: Oh. ... okay. Umm. Do you maybe want to be The Bubbles?
KINA: No. Bubbles!!!
COOLFACEMOM: Ok, so you want us to be "Bubbles"?
KINA: Yeah!
COOLFACEMOM: ...Alright. I'll sign us up.
(Coolfacemom signs the team up as "The Bubbles")

Kazoo Too

Here's another clip for your outtake enjoyment!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

FRC: ACTION!!! edition

Party at my house, Anchal is OUT!!!!!

In the beginning of this week's episode, the girls got schooled by gabrielle reece (who knew she was still around) on how to prettily fall in the sand whilst diving at a ball with hands clasped together. sounds painful. and anchal was all "bikini? no i'm fat. why me? everyone else is skinny! i can stretch, why can't i have a flat stomach? pass the oleo! i WILL have fries on my pizza! what's exercise? bikini? oh, thanks, i just ate, but i will have another meal with you! i'm 'shy'. can i have a towel? beach-sized please." and she kind of threw a fit about doing the challenge and removing her towel and therefore got on my nerves EVEN MORE and i was all, if someone gets booted over anchal this episode, well...i don't know what i'll do but i'll be as angry as a DEMON KITTY. i'm not sure what happened towards the end of the challenge because i was blinded by the milky white twins.

so then we go to the real challenge where the girls have to pose with some race car driver (and unfortunately NOT the race car driver that is also a coolface brother) and at the same time be jumping all crazy-like and looking all hot. and james st. james is there and i wish it were seth green as james st. james and not the actual james st. james because he scares me when i look at him. and usually whenever i see him all i can picture is him with clown makeup and between him and atoosa (or should i say atoosaw) and tyra's weave, this show is becoming more and more of a frightfest. aaaaanyway, they all do some jumping and turning and michelle gets all creative (or maybe it was amanda) and hops on the car in order to jump on the race car driver and pierces the hood of the car with her stiletto. at this point in the viewing, the friends that i was with that work in production said "ooh, i bet the production manager on that shoot is shitting her pants right now!!" anchal is by far the worst and again i think 'they better not be tricking me into thinking anchal is going home and then pull a switcheroo'...and then i long for the days that i could just watch tv and not think about all the behind the scenes crap like production managers and editors. but i digress... i was going to give anchal a tiny bit of credit because it seemed like her skirt didn't have as much give as some of the other girls, but then i was like 'oh, maybe that's her own fault for being a fatty.' also, she was terrible. as she has been this whole season. michelle wins the challenge and chooses three people to share in a shopping spree. anchal is all "why didn't she pick me" and i'm all "why didn't you fucking try and win the challenge yourself, lardy?"

the photo shoot---oh sorry the CoverGirl TruBlend Photo Shoot--has the girls dressed up like that one scene in willy wonka and the chocolate factory where mike teevee gets teleported across the room, or like my friend tj at his old job of building microchips, and they are put in a skydiving training tank where they have to try and look pretty whilst pretending to reach for makeup and ignore the fact that their face skin is flapping in the breeze. the fan knocks amanda and michelle around like they're pieces of dust. i cross my fingers and hope to see anchal lying against the bottom of the tank and saying "ok, you can turn it on" and everyone else in the room responding "IT IS ON!!!'

I'd just like to take this minute to say that CariDee is awesome and i'm proud of my early decision to choose her to replace Megan as my favorite. she always delivers and she seems like she'd be fun to hang around with. she also is not afraid to fart in the middle of someone's tyra impression. at panel, it's down to anchal and michelle. but really, it was just to put a scare into michelle because everyone's tired of anchal and they've already kicked out her posse of megg and aj. so anchal is out and i literally stood up and clapped when it happened. next weeks the girls get all international. is it already that time?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Last week, upon finding out that Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe were divorcing, Coolface lost all hope in humanity, even shaking our fists at the sky and screaming "Is nothing sacred?!?!?!" But today (and apparently 18 hours after the rest of the world) we discovered that the universe has righted itself again. Britney Spears, bless her heart, is finally dumping that sack o' cornrows. According to TMZ, yesterday she filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. thank god for prenups. below is a video interview of faith hill finding out the news of the divorce.

she really thought those two kids could work it out.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

More Kazoo

Here's another Kazoo outtake....we'll post as much as we remember to here, but for production stills and other fun stuff, check out Adrienne's blog! Yay! Don't forget to be Slutfire's friend!!!

Monday, November 06, 2006


Hello all you coolfacelets out there. we'd first like to apologize for the lack of posts has been a very busy time for the coolface employees and hopefully we will be able to get back on track soon. Secondly, there will be no Fall Reality Corner this week, as Top Model was a stupid fucking recap episode. and thirdly, we'd like to take this time to pimp out a Coolface Employee's side project. Coolface Employee Sara was in a short film this summer entitled "Kazoo" and it is finally going through the editing stages.

here is an outtake from the film:

Slutfire has a myspace page, so you all should go here and friend them . Slutfire's hit song "Hot Love" is posted up on their page.

overheard in astoria

true story re-enactment.

pictures yourself walking down the streets of astoria on a warmish thursday night in november and you hear this....

manly guy: - "this is my jam!!"

(cue the beginning chords of since u been gone by kelly clarkson)