Roller Derby

There was a time when my group of lades from college were all huddled in the northeastern section of the u. s. of a. then one year, one lade broke free to the west coast, and as a result, we have annual or semiannual grown up reunions. there are lots of events that take place during these meets -- shopping (not my fave), a tattoo or two, some sort of activity requiring drinking, coney island visits, performances by The Groins on rock band (not to be confused with The Crotch-Grabbing Groins), and much more...but there is one constant that remains through all these activities, and it is the creation of genius. One night, we were all sitting at a diner, and our friend fast ed decided to tell a story. before she started, i made the rule that we could only respond to her in cliched statements. hilarity ensued. i suggest you all try it at home, because it is more fun than a bag of jacks. more recently, sitting around at our favorite restaurant in little italy, we decided to figure out what our names would be were we all on a roller derby team together. what resulted was an extended period of time where we ran the gamut of beloved female characters (and others), turning them all into angry aggressive roller derby players. here is a list of what we came up with:

barbara balls to the walters, halle bury'em, strawberry scratch-cake
polly sock-it, betty cocker/blocker, i loathe lucy, sandra lay-it-on her,
the baby splitters club, nancy bruise, tina burner, splitney bruiston, gloria head-step-on, lowblowis lane, lois sprain, plunder woman, gloria blindem, barbara slap-em-in-the bush, margaret smackher, sojourner toothless, the virgin scary, scary magdalene, queen of smarts, dorothy and the blizzard of ahhhhhs, glinda the good bitch, poke your haunches, leave it to cleaver, debby hits em, dianne sawher, mia marrow, florence night and tale of woe, rambo bright, dolly pardon me while i crush you, cindi popper, chixie dicks, neve slambell, your body is a blunderland, penelope bruise, davie sockit, injurella, erin popyourbitch, painbo blight, malice in blunderland, snow why i oughta, spunky bruiser, alex smack, clarissa explains your fall, little bo beat, shearodney king, rape-unzel, singerella, my little bony, beauty and the beats, beauty and the teats, the little squirmaid, murphy frown


can you guys come up with any good ones? i'm going out of town for the weekend, but i'd love to see some winners in the comments when i get back!