Saturday, October 18, 2008

free donutz

there is an older african-american gentleman that lives on the first floor of my building...he's probably in his 60's, always wears white head to toe (hats included) and he's pretty friendly. he spends his days (all of them) either sitting in a lawn chair in front of the building, greeting all passersby with "hello beautiful", standing in front of the building greeting all passersby with "hello, beautiful", or sitting in his giant maroon car (always parked in the prime spot in front of the building) staring at everything. he's a little weird, but in a totally nonthreatening way.

he also seems to be a very religious guy. back when i had a busted leg and a boot, he asked me what was wrong. he then asked if i wanted him to pray for me. i thought he meant when he did all his prayers at the end of the day (?) and i may not be much of a prayer myself, but i'm not going to turn down someone else's prayer. i did not know that he meant right there in front of the building (while i was kind of in a rush on my way to work). he put his hand on me and started his enthusiastic praying. when he finished, he said 'ok, it won't hurt anymore'. it was a little awkward. mostly because i mean, it did hurt and i still had to wear the boot. i wonder if he thought i was just going to pull off the boot and go running down the streets.

anyway, all that was to give you an idea of this guy. now onto the tale at hand. i was leaving my building yesterday to pick up my laundry. i'm severely limping because of the ol' broke toe, and i have my granny basket with me. we do our normal 'hello beautiful!'-'how are you?'-'have a great day!' exchange when he throws me for a loop. "you like cake?" he asks. mind you, he's asking me whilst eating a donut, with his mouth covered in glaze and powdered sugar. like seriously all over his mouth. i'm a little thrown off by this, so i just answer yes and try to keep moving. he opens the back door of his car and says "take a box of cake". i peer into his car and there are about 10 unmarked cardboard boxes stacked in his backseat. i say "those are all cakes?" and he says "if you want a box, take it, if you don't, don't." at this point i'm very confused but i also don't want to hurt his feelings. i peer in a box, and it seems to be filled with individually wrapped donuts. i just take it and decide i'll figure out what to do with it later.

so now i'm struggling with a box of 24 donuts that i don't really want, and my cart, and my limp. the box is too big for the cart, so i have to carry it both to the laundromat to pick up my clothes, and back with now a full cart and a limp. i get into my apartment and inspect the donuts. really what i'm looking for is some kind of name brand or explanation as to why this guy would have 10 boxes of this in his car that he's just giving away. the packaging on the donuts is clear with only small blue writing at the bottom with the ingredients. i look closer for a brand, because everyone brands everything. the only thing i can find is Acme Cake Company. that sounds fake.

but now i ask, what should i do with these? my first instinct was to just throw them out because i really don't need 24 donuts in my life, but it feels like kind of a waste. it does seem like acme cake company is an actual brooklyn cake company. i guess what i'm asking is, does anyone want a strange man donut?


christine said...

ahahaha. i love this man. eat the donuts. you will be saved.

Kristen said...

Acme cake company??? Thats a little fishy. If your next post is about him painting a cave on a wall and chasing you through it, my suspicions will be confirmed. Your neighbor is Wile. E Coyote.