fun with interstate travel

i took a very quick trip home to good old pennsylvania this week, which was awesome. i can do that thing right now because i quit my job! i could fill up an entire page of posts about not working, but they are neither interesting nor funny so i will tell you about an interesting encounter i had at a rest stop on the jersey turnpike.

i stopped at the woodrow wilson (i think) rest stop to get some gas, and when i pull up to the pump to tell the guy to fill it up with regular and hand him my credit card, he sort of lingers when he takes the card and then walks off to pump the gas. he then proceeds to squeegee my front window with the most care anyone has ever cleaned that car (god knows that i sure as hell never clean it). cleaning the front window in and of itself is not miraculous, sometimes nice/bored attendants do this, but here's the kicker - he then proceeds to squeegee the entire back window with the utmost care as well! i have never in the thousands of times i have taken the jersey turnpike ever had anyone squeegee my back window. turned out that my suspicions were true, this gas station attendant had a crush on me. when he brought my card back i gave him a dollar for all his hard work and he called me beautiful. i still don't know if this guy did all that for a tip, but it sure did work.

basically, i am using this post to announce to everyone my engage.....just kidding! i wouldn't marry a guy who pumps gas at a rest stop.....yet......

telling this story also reminds me of the time that a toll collector on the jersey turnpike gave me a candy cane (about 2 weeks after christmas)....which was a rather pleasant surprise.....which i did not eat.

FRC: Top Model - ohh, THAT kind of future...

I'd first like to say that i forgot to make a prediction last week, but i did text my brother before the show saying that Mila should get the boot. too bad you can't get fantasy points for picking the loser. spoiler alert.

lisa foster care mention count -- 3. and rising.

top model must've gotten so much shit about the hummer limos they were driving around in because now the models' ride is an unattractive bus painted with a forest or something. between this and the brokedown models, the theme of this cycle should be "roughin' it".

i propose a drinking game where you throw back whenever producers poorly try to sneak in a voice over and pretend that it actually happened in the moment.

i wish i had a clip of of this (i bet Rich will on monday) -- lisa is jumping to the edge of the pool, but doesn't stick the landing...her legs fold under her and she unattractively falls into the pool.

i think the tyra in panel impersonation is now a required moment. this cycle, saleisha plays tyra and chooses bianca over lisa. guess that lapdance on the boat didn't win her over.

the photoshoot comes early in the episode. and gawwwd...okay, the shoot is this: a glamour shot of each girl smoking and looking fabulous, while in the mirror, their reflection shows (whoooo i ammmm insiiiidddeeee) the horrible effects of the habit. and, yeah, it's a cool idea for a shoot, but between the search for a role model and not a top model, the green car and house, and what we find out later (we'll come back to this) about smoking, it seems like tyra's taking all the fun out of this by making everything about a cause.

Heather is back on my team because i'm frustrated that these people know about her affliction but still judge her for having a hard time with things we take for granted, like social interaction, physical proximity, and eye contact. yeah, she auditioned for this, but Tyra put her in the house (probably BECAUSE of this). I feel like tyra thinks she can cure this. and like, in a day.

bianca and lisa fight. why oh why was i fooled into thinking that ebony was a shit stirrer? argh! their fight goes like this: Bianca, Shit Stirrer: Do you think you did better than me? Lisa: I think i did alright. Bianca: You a STRIPPER!! Lisa:you can take it there, but don't take it there! (cry) Ebony - wipes tears from lisa's eyes. who IS this nurturer? tear wiping doesn't get me any fantasy points!

Bianca apologizes to lisa (and they make up) but B confesses she only did it so lisa wouldn't call her out in panel.

the girls talk about heather while she's completely in range to hear it. she's NOT DEAF!!

Challenge: the girls go to old navy (and are way too excited about it) and have 10 minutes to find an outfit to wear at panel. unfortunately, benny ninja is waiting at the 'Nave. I don't know why the girls don't know by now that tyra only wants them wearing jeans and a black tank, hair preferably in a neat bun. it's ingrained in us!

victoria wins me as a fan when the girls are talking about heather AGAIN (kimberly particularly is being pretty nasty, saying she doesn't want to get in any conversation at all with heather because "people like that" tend to cling and she don't want no clingers) and victoria gets miffed that they keep talking about heather. not miffed enough to speak up though.

at panel, the girls find out that this cycle, smoking will be BANNED! harsh! and kind of unbelievable. sucks definitely for jenah..and probably a few others as well. this rule is definitely not gonna be enforced with the crew, or else there'd be a walkout. beeteedub, kimberly went with the jeans and black tank and tyra immediately said that she loves her look. saleisha wins the challenge, a $1,000 shopping spree at old navy, and an old navy ad. before we find out who is going home, i guess that it'll be between mila and ebony, with mila getting the boot. Heather is called first. take that, bitches! it is, in fact, down to ebony and mila. ebony is crying and snotting all over the place, mila is maybe thinking of rainbows and unicorns, puppies and bunnies. she's a total real life lizard queen lisa simpson. (you know, after she drank that duff gardens amusement park water) And if you didn't get my subtle hints, Mila's the one that goes home.

It's tough to predict this early in the game...mila's exit i could see coming from a mila away (sorry, i had to)...if i had to narrow it down, i'd say it comes between ambreal and victoria next week. this one's not so easy to call though, so i could be way off.



hey, it's almost my original team again!
[Edit - it actually IS my original team again. and something i just realized is that if you only know my team from my blog, you wouldn't have known that i changed my team at all. after the premiere, i had switched lisa and heather out for jenah and ebony)

Thanks, Jerk!

Today, as I came home exhausted from work, there was a man exiting my building. Keep in mind, this was a middle aged man, not no teen punk. I was about three feet in front of him approaching the door, and i saw him exiting, so, to be polite, i switched to fast gear so he wouldn't have to hold the door open for too long. that's where i made my mistake. i guess i didn't properly pop the clutch when switching gears, because i painfully stubbed my toe on a stair, causing me to stumble to my hands and knees. As i'm semi-falling in slow motion, I look up and see that the guy was not, in fact, holding the door for me at all. he let it close as i sped up (and fell) to catch it. Then, because he wasn't being jerky enough, as i'm there on my hands and knees, he stands right next to me and fucking LAUGHS! can you believe that? he laughed at me! i responded with "i'm ok thanks" and continued my way into the building.

SRC: PUA - The Master

here we are guys, at the end of quite the journey. it was fun and hilarious, but it was also sad and infuriating. i don't know if anyone caught the clip show this past week, but it was preposterous. that Mystery is definitely something else.

we enter on kosmo joining brady in the pillow room post-elimination. there is a loving hug between the two, and i think i see some kino spikeage. (i don't know what that means.) brady now thinks he's all kind of shit because he's picked up an exotic dancer, and he keeps effing saying it. nevermind that some key elements in his score were that he dropped lines about the mansion he's been living in and the limo waiting outside. nothing against strippers, believe me, but most of them are in it to get out of some sort of financial trouble, and i'm sure "mansion" and "limo" were all that girl heard or saw when she followed brady out of the club.

mystery voicemails instructs to the two to meet him that evening. they all go out for a fun night with mystery and his boys -- a "night off" from being judged, but not from picking up hot ladiez. because an mPUA never stopz with the ladiez. after some hanging out, mystery points out a couple of wallflowers that kosmo and brady have to instruct in the ways of being a pick up artist. so, just like a week ago, these boys were still struggling and now they have to teach other loveable losers mystery's magic method.

kosmo meets his dude, kip, and is like 'looks like he hasn't gotten laid in a while.' uh..i may be wrong, kos, but you still haven't either. brady's student dylan is all sorts of wrong, but brady does a good job making him over. the boys meet up at the Mystery Machine where mystery, matador and j-dog are all waiting. inexplicably, tara and leia are also there. we learn that matador and j-dog (and the girls) will be watching the action from the inside.

dylan seems to be ok with approaching sets, but he swears like a sailor and brady stumbles a little when it comes to instructing. dylan does manage to pull a girl away from her set and have a conversation with her. kosmo is next with kip. kip is a little more socially awkward and seems averse to the more asshole-ish lines. he opens a set, but doesn't get too far with them. kip freezes and kosmo sees himself in his student and amps it up. kip brings 2 girls to the couch and gets numbers. score for kosmo! mystery and his wingmen meet the boys outside (i guess tara and leia are clubbing it up) to evaluate their performances before deciding the winner of the final medallion (the red symbol of Purtho, representing the end of one journey and the beginning of another), the $50,000 and the title of Master Pick Up Artist. Brady is spazzing out a little, Kosmo is tearing up. And Mystery's chosen one is...KOSMO!!! Yeah!! He cries. I'm proud of this guy. Sorry you turned into an ass, Brady!

Thanks everyone for reading!! You all really kept me going. :D

toby's new trick!

since i have been home for the past 2 days...i have watched a fair amount of daytime tv...and daytime commercials too. there is one stanley steemer daytime commercial aimed at stay at home moms that they really should play during other hours of the day because it is so damn funny!



is it me or should this woman be nominated for an academy award?

Fall Reality Corner: Kid Nation

please excuse the length. first eps always need extra words and also there were limited commercial breaks here. also the premiere was an hour and seven minutes.

Bonanza City, New Mexico. Our host, bland guy in flannel, tells us the history of this ghosttown. the schoolbus of children approaches as Josh (or John..maybe) tells us that the eldest child is 15, the youngest 8 and a half. there are 40 kids, so i'm not gonna try too hard with names yet unless the kid sticks out. 4 leaders have been assigned representing all kids in all different ways. They will each be assigned to an area of town and are collectively known as the Town Council. These four children are Mike (11) the boy scout, Taylor (10) the pageant queent, Anjay (12) the genius spelling bee champ, and Laurel (12) the redheaded respected school leader. is she a principal? the kids have been dropped a few miles from town and have to drag wagons of supllies there. they must also rope goats to take with them. the 15 year old seems to be very good at this roping.

the town council remains behind so jonathan (?) can tell them that every few days, they are to award the Top Kid a gold star trophy worth $20,000. The council, predictably, shits a brick. a gold one. shaped like a star. oh man, i'm already liking laurel's sass and accent. jonathan tells them to keep their lips zipped about the trophy. tempting.

We meet sophia (14), who talks like she's on fast forward, as she complains about Mike the boy scout, who seems to take his job of shouting orders but not picking up slack very seriously. we get our first tense moment between greg (the 15 year old) and Mike when greg tells him to swap jobs for 5 minutes. after about 6 seconds of mike struggling, greg resumes his post. mike's ego has taken a bruising.

a cute little 9 year old named alex missed the concept here i think. he sadly and innocently says that he "kind of thought there'd be adults here". that wouldn't be any fun! for us i mean!

there is an adorable crisis when they realize they have to feed themselves and none of them know how to cook. sophia catches mike's eye as a possible candidate for the gold star when she takes control of the cooking. sophia's meal is subpar, but it's better than nothing.

little (gorgeous) taylor has a cry over missing home, her own bed, and eating protein (!). Several of the children are beaten down and discouraged about the first day, a few consider leaving. when mike announces there will be a town hall meeting after dinner, the kids mutiny and say they're just going to bed. kid nation:2 mike's ego:0

sophia's breakfast the next day is much better. so much so that kids take more than their share and whimsical jared is left without food. there is a group riot. mike tries to take control of the situation, but greg criticizes his leadership and things get mildly physical between the two and not in a sexy way. some brave hero with shaggy hair (Michael, 14) makes an inspiring speech (complete with swelling music) that the kids are all thankful for.

the town council are instructed by "journal" to each lead a sector of town, represented by bandanas of four different colors. the four set to choosing their denizens. there are homesick problems, a graffiti scandal (commited by the older boys) and bathroom woes. jared optimistically hopes that he doesn't have to go poo in their 40 days there. jonathan the host explains to the kids that they will further be divided by class. there are 4 types of jobs (laborers, cooks, merchants, upper class) each earning 4 different amounts (10 cents, 25 cents, 50 cents, $1.00) so they can earn spending money for the fully stocked stores (that makes this whole thing seem a little less difficult). the jobs are decided with a district showdown. they have to move colored pumps, pump out water colored for their team, and fill three bottles. the water is so dyed that the children's skin now represents what team they're on. red wins upper class, blue are the merchant class, yellow comes in third as the cooks, leaving green as the laborers. since all teams finished within an hour, they win a town reward. either seven more poopboxes, or one idiotbox. of course a lot of kids stupidly want the tv, but the council must decide and they wisely choose more outhouses.

the kids have fun with their new jobs and the stores they now have access to. Mallory (8) does a quick dance that's really adorable. this dance was best described by TwoP's M. Giant, "In an interview, Mallory goes "Yay!" and does the worst, stiffest, yet somehow cutest, seated cabbage patch I've ever seen." Sophia covets a $3 bicycle and, because she's a laborer with a measly salary of 10 cents, she dances for nickels in the center of town until she earns enough to purchase it. we've already got a town whore!

town meeting. kids air their complaints. they also get the chance to leave if they want. taylor decides to stay. young 8 and a half year old jimmy (who did several really cute things during the episode, but it would take too long if i wrote them all out) says that he is homesick and scared. and adorable! his fellow townmates urge him to stay, but he ultimately decides to go. for her hard work, sophia is awarded the gold star. and just like that, she's $20,000 richer. no more dancing for nickels! she also gets to call her parents. hooray!

final kid count: 39

I am thankful for Jeannette

first, let me preface this tale with this tidbit of info... i'm sure you guys remember my stalker, Wilhelm, right? just to update, it's now been a year and a half since i've picked up the phone, but little willy still calls. he'll go through periods where i think he's given up, but then i get bombarded once again. there have been three communication attempts in the past two days. sigh.

ok, so this morning i get a call from discover card. before calling them back, i rifled through my purse to get my card from my wallet so i could give them my account number. this is when i realized that my wallet was not where it should be. this confused me because, though i was drunk last night, i remembered paying for the cab...so i had my wallet at that point. after a quick search of the apartment, i figure out that this is probably why discover called me. i call back and only have to pass a few identity verification quizzes before i find out that a very nice human being by the name of jeannette had found my wallet on the floor of the cab and had gone above and beyond to try and get my wallet back to me. since she couldn't get my phone number from any of the credit card companies, she left her cell phone number with discover for them to give me the message to call her. So, not believing my luck here, I call Jeannette and we get along like old chappies before we decide it's best for me to go up to harlem to pick the wallet up (as opposed to her mailing it to me). This unfortunately means i have to skip out on morning after birthday brunch with my ladies, due to certain time constraints. I went up to harlem, met my savior jeannette (seriously guys, wish her good thoughts forever) and retrieved my wallet -- still containing everything, less about 20 bucks cash. when i return to brooklyn, i have a voicemail from one of the brunch ladies telling me that they had a WILHELM SPOTTING at the place they ate! can you BELIEVE my luck here? first off, to have had the lost wallet situation turn out as well as it could have...but on top of that, had i not lost my wallet last night, i would've been at that brunch and i would've had to face the one person i don't ever want to see again. 25 is amazing so far.

SRC: America's Next Top beaten down Model

So, the first lesson i learned on this thrilling first episode of the cycle is that i shouldn't create an antm fantasy team based on the preliminary photos of the girls because a) some of them aren't as pretty as they first came off and b) just because they're pretty doesn't mean they aren't among the most annoying. needless to say, my original team picks of heather, lisa and sarah have been replaced with Saleisha, Jenah, and ebony. i still will be rooting for sarah, but she didn't get too much screentime in the premiere. but i get ahead of myself... we only had one hour to start with this cycle, so we only had time to narrow the girls from 33 to 13. and since we're never gonna see those cut 20 again (even though half of the girls swore to be the 'next jaslene'...puhlease...nobody else can be like that firecracker), i'm not really gonna go over much that happened there. except that there really was a girl named Spontaniouse. for real. i wanted to meet her twin sister Obsequiouse.

We quickly discover that tyra will be even more unbearable-in-that-tyra-way this season. her level of hamminess during just the preliminary round was out of control...the cruise ship drag queen thing was embarrassing..like, for me. she was way into that bikini wax demonstration though, huh? also, tyra, you are not a therapist nor are you oprah. it is not okay for you to coax these girls into giving you every secret of their lives. when marvita says "a lot of people have done a lot of bad things to me", don't ask "like what?" because she WILL answer you thinking that being compliant will get her in the house. then, where are we when she answers that she's been molested and raped and everything is awkward? i don't know where we are, but i know where marvita isn't. in the house.

Ok, basically tyra has a huge budget now and got all these girls on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship for a week to narrow it down to 13. tyra also very uncovincingly says to the jays 'wouldn't this place be great for a finale runway show?' let's hope they don't really do that. poor people who thought they were buying tickets for a regular ol' cruise. let's individually go through this cycle's broken down girls: (seriously, i think tyra's going for some sort of humanitarian award here...)

Saleisha - saleisha was fourth in my original picks and has moved up to the top spot here because she is beautiful and not annoying. she was at tyra's Tzone Camp when she was 14. of course tyra will hang on to this girl as long as she can. she's a poster child for the SUCCESS of tyra's AMAZING camp and ability to CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

Ebony - in ebony's original pics, i said she looked quite manly (because she did). she's also slightly confrontational. she also might possibly be the most beautiful girl there...or that could be her $500 weave playing tricks on my eyes. her mom was a CRACKHEAD! the grandmother that raised her and saved her from going down the wrong path DIED!

Jenah - aside from teeth issues i have with her, jenah's not too bad. she also kind of reminds me of lianna from cycle 2 of britain's next top model. (yeah i recorded the vh1 marathon a couple weeks ago. what of it?) she tells the panel that girls hate her/think she's a bitch because she's "beautiful and smart..[she] knows stuff" and "reads books". all that AND she can play beer pong? no WONDER girls hate her.

Sarah - I'm still a fan of this "plus size"...though at least tyra and co are trying to be real about this because she isn't a plus size at all. they're trying to pass it off as 'real size' model. she's cute and not annoying as of yet.

Janet - Janet didn't get a great initial reaction from me, but it seems that it's her hair i should be punishing. she's beautiful and she's got an athletic bod...she's got a horrible 'do. hopefully the makeover ep will shoot her to the top of the squad.

Bianca - looks like brandy. moesha brandy. vehicular manslaughter brandy.

Kimberly - my initial pictoral reaction was "bitch"..but you know, i may like her after all.

Ambreal - is the girl who came in to panel with a shirt, a denim skirt, and then..like bell bottom denim leg warmers. when she changed into her swimsuit, she left the pant legs on. she's that girl.

Lisa - she is another one that will benefit from the makeover ep. she was in foster care for 6 years. is a stripper bikini dancer. this girl got me my 3 points on fantasy top model!

Chantal - the only thing i have against chantal right now is that she looks like real world las vegas' trashy trishelle.

Mila - UGH! Where do i BEGIN!? First off -- she's Jocelyn Wildenstein-esque. her body will kill you. literally. it's terrible. she's bigger on the bottom and little on top. i wish we could've seen why tyra picked this fug over others like jennifer the bahtendah who is blind in one eye. mila is wicked annoying and showy and fake.

Heather - oh geez. ok, heather, out of the gate, was my favorite. based only on her preliminary pictures i thought she was stunning and i was totally FTW!-ing her. then we met her. and i don't know how to finish this paragraph and not go to hell. Heather has Asperger's. and i actually know a fair amount about this sort of family of disorders (including autism), so i'm going to try and approach heather and her actions with this in mind. however, this is america's next top model (even though tyra's trying to turn it into america's next top role model) so there are things that she's gonna put out there that are just going to be asking for it. for example, her hump. she says its from slouching in front of the computer all day. this, plus her general awkwardness adds up to a terrible walk. she knows she's terrible at runway at least...but why do girls come on this show knowing they the are inept at a very important part of modeling? heather is also one of those who "always thought that [she] was ugly." i do think she has some stunning features, but i do not think she's as far ahead as i initially thought.

Victoria - and here we are at victoria. little awkward victoria. this is the girl that i initially was aghast at why she was even in the top 13. she has the self proclaimed fashion sense of a 12 year old boy. she has never modeled before. she is SO awkward. there is nothing about her face or her body that i think would have even gotten her in the top 33. maybe only 33 applied this year. she reminds me of millie from freaks and geeks. she does win some points with me though when she tells us that auditioning for this show started out as a complete joke and she herself is amazed that she made it this far. i have a feeling that her being a Yale student has more to do with her being in the top than anything about her looks.

next week, we really get started. :)

The famous Chart

I've had a couple requests for this chart, so I thought i'd just post it up here and you guys can click and save if you want. Keep in mind that when i made this, i made it for me--- it only includes shows i already watch or are intrigued by....meaning no grey's anatomy (or other shows i hate). i also included a couple shows i couldn't care less about (moonlight, journeyman, life, etc) but wanted to give myself options in case any of the shows these are up against suck and i find myself looking for something new. There are also some non-network shows on there i like to watch. The shows that i've highlighted in yellow are the ones that have already started or will start in the next 7 days and the ones that look like post-its are shows that started long ago. hope you guys find this useful and don't shun me because of the size of nerd i am!

all times are eastern.






if you guys have any questions about when any non-highlighted shows start, let me know. if you have any questions as to why i've been single for so long, well i think it's pretty obvious.

SRC: PUA - Movers and Strippers

Thanks to a tip, we now know that Kosmo joins Joe W. in the "actor" category. i wonder how many of the other boys are right there with them. one can only hope scott is.

Joe enters the "pillow room" and Kosmo and brady couldn't be happier. it's safe to say they would've been bummed had it been pradeep returning. they give him a cheesy shout out anyway. brady tells us he feels kosmo is his biggest competitor. kosmo says the reality tv oft heard phrase: "now it's a competition".

the boys join mystery for a lesson and the biggest shock of all is mystery's complete lack of headwear. the guys must take their game to the next level...i don't think they're quite comfortable on their current level. they must figure out how to use their newly learned skills to get the attention of a moving target. mystery instructs the boys that they should walk in front of the girl and not turn around completely or sustain eye contact or else they'll lose value...so basically ignore the girl. the bigger jerk you are the higher your value is? i'm glad mystery is shepherding a new class of jerk boys. we don't have enough.

reward challenge-- moving set blah blah daylight blah blah walking bridge blah blah get numbers. reward is once again head WFH tara. this time, she will assist in set opening during the field test. her official title is a "pivot". i wonder if leia was hurt that she wasn't chosen. maybe she booked a livelinks commercial. mystery secretly tells us that the boys don't know it, but he'll be disguised so he can get a closer look at their methods. i'm sure they'll be tipped off when they see the 7 foot tall amish man in a straw hat and blazer hanging around the middle of austin. i actually kind of wish that this disguise were how mystery looked when he was eric. kosmo freezes as usual, brady gets a conversation but nothing more, and joe really needs to stop using the 'hey did you see the fight over there' line. mystery chastises them for doing a shitty job and -- it's quite difficult to take him seriously with that disguise. also, whenever i'm on the move and a dude approaches me, i usually ignore him because that kind of approach is unnerving. i would've liked to see mystery participate in the challenge to see if he would've had any success. as punishment for sucking, none of the boys win the challenge or tara.

i have a feeling that this show is about to enter a whole new level of disgusting. mystery asks the boys if they've ever crushed on a favorite waitress and that these 'working beauties' are called 'hired guns' because they're hired for their 'beauty'. i assume that's not true for your average denny's. the field test this week is picking up exotic dancers (without paying for it). wow. looks like that feeling i had at the top of the paragraph was correct. he then demonstrates how to be an ass while trying to convince a stripper to not do her job and go along with a stupid gambit.

oh ps -- it seems by his 'oots' that mystery is canadian. explains a lot. jk canada!! the winner of the field test gets put through to the finals. mystery says "a little bit of antagonism goes a long way." i throw up in my mouth. kosmo seems to do alright. brady is a completely patronizing jerk and his stripper is too good for that shit so she leaves...and joins joe. guess what line joe uses on her? kosmo continues doing well. joe fares better with the girl brady dissed. brady gets a new girl. kosmo goes for the number ask, but gets politely turned down because stripper has a 'boyfriend'. joe d loses his girl after staying in the comfort zone too long. brady invites his girl to the limo and she goes (after putting on pants of course). then they makeout a lot. from the truck, the mPUAs celebrate. mystery says "and THAT is how you pick up an exotic dancer!!" the three then bump fists and it's all skeevy and nerdy at the same time.

so, brady is for sure in the finals. i'm guessing joe will go home because of his plateauing. the three boys hug and its pretty cute and sad. todays medallion is black. Wynn, representing joy. yes. one only knows true joy after picking up a stripper. if by joy you mean syphilis. joe and kosmo hold hands while mystery chooses who to boot (he just can't decide). and, the second dude in the finals is...kosmo. kosmo cries. joe takes it like a man.

come back next week for the finals!!

Reality roundup-- fall reality corner is coming up!! if all goes as planned, i'll be recapping top model and kid nation. don't forget though, there's one more episode of both rock of love (thank GOD lacey is out!) and the Pick Up artist. see y'all in the fall!

In preparation for fall

every year around this time, I nerd out over the fall premieres. i love tv to the max and i love starting with a pile of shows and weeding them out one by one until only the worthy ones remain. i usually give a new show 2 - 3 episodes before i decide to axe it. past casualties of this rule include LAX, Grey's Anatomy, and Brothers and Sisters. there are cases where, out of sheer hope and my intense loyalty, I stay with a not great show for way too long. Sometimes, i eventually come to my senses and abandon ship (studio 60) and sometimes i continue watching a show i hate only because it's hooked me with a mystery (reunion, the nine). how do i keep all the new and old shows straight? my dweebtastic charts. i make two every year, one with premiere dates and one that lists shows i'm intrigued by for whatever reason, organized by time, day and channel. (i may be on the cusp, but i'm a total virgo.) so here's what i'm looking forward to this season:

THE RETURNS:
top model - hello.
cold case/without a trace - old reliables
ugly betty - brings me so much joy
heroes - how can i get on this show
how i met your mother/the office/my name is earl/30 rock - i like to laugh. also, congrats on the well deserved surprise emmy, 30 rock!!!
friday night lights - i only gave this show one chance last year, and i was turned off because the pilot was basically a football game. i later found out that that was the only ep like that, and that this is apparently one of the best shows on tv. it earns a second chance this year.
desperate housewives - eh. i started to hate this show at the end of last season, but i've committed this long, so i can't just quit on it yet.

THE NEWBIES -
chuck - do you think that the casting call for chuck was 'anyone that looks like jim halpert'?
viva laughlin - not so much excited as intrigued
reaper - when i saw the promos for this earlier this summer, i thought it might be one of the first cancelled. but a lot of people say it will be good...and i didn't know kevin smith was involved, so that's positive. also, i recently saw a new poster that includes missy peregrym. so, i'm in.
cane - no idea what's going on in this show, but i feel i should support my people.
ABC wednesday lineup - pushing daisies/private practice/dirty sexy money. i dislike grey's anatomy because of the main whiny skeleton. i've always liked kate walsh. i've always loved taye diggs. the other two shows have deafening buzz.
bionic woman - i love a good ass kicking
kid nation - i feel like i've been waiting years for this show
women's murder club - could be cool. but then again, it's on fridays...so....

i'll keep you guys updated on which shows make it past the 3 episode rule and which don't. what shows are everyone else looking forward to??

things learned from typos...

Did you know that if you incorrectly type the url for the coolerthanstupid blog, by mixing up the p and the s in blogspot, you are directed to the following site?

http://coolfacecomedy.blogpsot.com/

is it me or are they like nowhere near as funny as us? here's my suggestion for them - lay off the bible study crap and infuse it with some light banter about the pick up artist on VH1. on second thought...no, they've already stolen our url (almost) perhaps they shouldn't steal our content too.

SRC: PUA - Victoria's Secret is Listening

Brady comes back to the group after last week's elimination. Pradeep cries and embraces him, but then expresses surprise at Joe W's elimination. All the boys are crying and talking about how they thought Joe W. was number 1 in the competition. Really? Do they mean #1 man lover? They all commit to try their hardest for Joe. These guys should just marry each other.

The next day, Mystery meets the boys at the house for a lesson in bedroom intimacy. or something. Pradeep looks scared shitless. Kosmo looks like he's still mourning the loss of Joe W. Mystery tells the group that WFH's Tara and Leia will be having a lingerie party (sheesh, they apparently have nothing else to do). They then both come out in...well, lingerie. I really kind of hate this show sometimes. Mystery looks like Jack Skellington with a top hat today. Kosmo's boner knocks a paper off his lap and Pradeep reaches to help. Interestingly enough, his first grab was at kosmo's crotch area, his second for the fallen paper. The girls then proceed to teach the boys about different types of lingerie while simultaneously testing their listening skillz. I have to say, Tara seems cooler than Leia. Leia's just kind of weird and way too into this. That's why tara's head WFH i guess. the mission is for the boys to buy lingerie for tara and leia to see if they heard anything the girls just taught them or if "hummunahummuna" was going through their heads instead. the winner of the challenge gets matador as his wingman in the next field test. i guess this is exciting?

at the shop, kosmo gets flustered whilst trying to talk to the salesgirl about what he wants to get tara. it's really astonishing what little he knows about underwear. pradeep asks for a santa hat. awesome. joe d and brady are both pretty impressive, showing that they really were listening to the girls and actually considering not only what they would like, but their proper sizes as well. leia comes out wearing joe d's gift, meaning he wins the challenge and matador. go joe! (i'm gonna drop the "d" now, as it's no longer necessary.)

later on, the boys are hangin', and joe is goofin with pradeep. he then does that thing where you pretend to kiss someone but you put your hand over his/her mouth so no actual lip contact happens. pradeep reacts by slapping joe. ah, homophobia at its finest. don't be scared of who you are, P. he probably slapped joe because his hand was there blocking the glorious boy kiss he's been longing for. also, he slapped him. what a girl. so, joe is the bigger person (in more ways than one. hey-OH!) and walks it off. pradeep and kosmo are stuck in awkwardland together so kosmo is like 'dude, you just slapped him pretty hard." Pradeep plays dumb and is like 'O RLY?" and goes after joe. joe is all 'don't hit me in the face' and pradeep refuses to apologize and walks away. So joe is all 'what the ef man that's disrespectful!' and pradeep yells a half-hearted 'sorry' over his shoulder. ooh. that is disrespectful. joe is like 'how am i supposed to take that seriously?' and pradeep is all "you shouldn't. i don't even know if this is serious.' even though joe told him to his face a couple of times that he was being 100% serious. anyway, the point is pradeep is being a total asshole here and joe severs the friendship and wants pradeep gone.

today's lesson is taking it from attraction to seduction and 'bouncing' -- aka instant dates/changing scenery with your target. the field challenge goal is to pick up a girl and bounce them out of the club. when the boys are getting ready, pradeep apologizes to joe, but joe's written the boy off, so he's not giving much back.

joe, kosmo, and brady all start strong. joe's locked himself a target and pradeep comes and starts with the party tricks, actively trying to take joe's girl. he then pisses the girl off. when joe asks what he did that for, pradeep just walks away. p finds himself a couple of pretty girls (meanwhile, in the mystery machine, mystery and j-dog get all gross about how hot the girls are and which they want to bang) and does an okay job of opening the set, but then they try to get away from him and he follows. then things become desperate and sad..and if anyone but pradeep is kicked off this week, it'll be pretty fucked up. who else thinks j-dog's accent is fake? kosmo gets a bounce with 2 girls. go kosmo! he's the only one that succeeds in the bounce and is therfore safe from elimination.

this week's medallion is the blue level 5 symbol of-- well, my ears tell me "dayeg" but my closed captioning tell me "Dagaz"--representing enlightment and clarity. wasn't there already an enlightenment one? brady is next safe. the last medallion goes to joe. hooray! peace out pradeep! i never liked you! (though it is hilarious and kind of appropriate to see that he uses trashbags in lieu of suitcases.)

mark your calendars people!

i was excited to find out that queens (my borough of choice) is getting in on the restaurant week action at the end of this month like manhattan and brooklyn. in case it's new to you, during restaurant week, restaurants provide a reasonably priced 3 course meal (in this case it's $20.07). it's usually a good way to sample the food at nice restaurants you might not normally be able eat at.

here's a link to the list of participating restaurants
(you have to click on the restaurant week poster thing)

and now here is my question. why the hell is white castle on this list?!

i really am curious what $20.07 prix fix meal at white castle is comprised of....

quick question

Is anyone else an Office fan out here?

I forced my boss to take me to the Target in Jersey City yesterday to pick up the special Target edition of The Office Season 3 box set that came out yesterday. I was so proud of it that, even though i did not intend on buying anything else - i paraded around the store with only the DVD in my cart until my boss yelled at me and made me ditch the cart.

I feel like i just outed myself as a huge loser.

SRC: PUA - The Banana Hammock Edition

Pradeep returns from the elimination room and the boys pile on him. He says he's never been happier and I believe it. Thanks to that anonymous comment last week, I also believe that they aren't this excited because it is Pradeep, but rather because it isn't Scott. Even nerds gotta have their outcasts. Pradeep then announces that he doesn't want to take the title from the other boys, so he's thinking of quitting. way to get ahead of yourself there, champ. i think what should instead be at the top of his to do list is buying another shirt. seriously, he's always in that pink striped number.

Mystery and his boyzzz come over for Lesson 8: an mPUA must be in command of his nonverbal communication. The masters have brought loads of hot bitches (or, as I like to call them, WFH's) over for a pool party. This group of course includes HeadWFH Tara and ViceWFH Leia. In this reward challenge, the boys must present themselves in the best way possible. Whilst in a speedo. They're all kind of freakishly excited about it. Umm, so then mystery hands pradeep his pair and it looks as though he's gonna drop trough right there to change, even though no one else gets handed a speedo yet. we cut away before seeing the result of that/pradeep's dreams come true. Kosmo is freaking out the most even though as we've seen and as brady points out, he's a good looking kid with a nice bod. my guess is small peen. joe d is all about the speedos. it's pretty entertaining when he breaks into the hit "butt floss speedo" song and dance. almost as entertaining as when i paused the tv to write that sentence and looked up and saw that it paused on a full backal speedo ass shot of Joe D.

Joe D ruled the pool party because he was completely comfortable in the speedo. pradeep did an okay job of getting a girl's interest. kosmo was a whiny little bitch the whole time. dude. shut it. the other guys have to do it too. joe d wins the reward challenge for being the life of the party. he wins temporary custody of a cute lil puppy to use in the next field test. pradeep is pissed that he didn't win -- even though he only talked to the one girl. he was also pissed that joe d won because joe was talking to p's girl even though pradeep had his arm around her. it should be noted that the girl in question was sitting right next to joe d...so i think it wasn't a malicious thing. pradeep says that the fact that he wasn't recognized by mystery in this challenge is more incentive for him to leave. okay bye plz!

the boys go to their lesson with mystery - Day Game. Lesson 9 - "clubs are not the only place to pick up women of beauty." yes, he said it like that. also...did it really take him til the fifth week of the show to get to this?! mystery then tells a bullshit story about how he was in a grocery store and he saw a girl and 25 minutes later she was naked in his hotel room across the street. i think by grocery store he meant 'prostitution alley' and by 25 minutes later he meant 25 bucks later and by 'naked in his hotel room across the street' he meant bj at the park bench across the street.

field test -- coffee shop. meet and attract a target with the 'day game method'. whatever the fuck that is. mystery expects them to 'close numbers'. as usual, the winner gets immunity. this show is starting to annoy me because of scenes like the following:

EXT - Coffee Shop. Brady opens a set, sits down in a chair to join the girls.
INT - Stalker Van. Mystery, Matador and J-Dog watch Brady's progress on a tv screen.
MPUA'S: "Lean back. come on. lean. back!"

on screen, brady leans back in his chair

MPUA's: NICE!!
--scene--

Pradeep scores a number. joe w gets his sexuality questioned. joe d relies too heavily on the pup. brady does well. kosmo takes a little while to warm up. pradeep wins the field test and is told that he gets to choose one wingman.

The final five cry like little girls at elimination because they all wuv each other so much and also don't want to go home. aww. pussies. mystery chokes on his words as he says "now you know how hard it is for me". wah wah. The orange level 4 medallion is the symbol Jeran, representing the harvest. hmm? So then it turns out pradeep was lied to because he doesn't get to choose a wingman after all. (probs because the mPUA's had only one guy in mind to boot and they'd be fucked if pradeep chose him as wingman.) they all look sick. First boy safe after pradeep is kosmo and he bursts into tears. i've never seen a group of grown men crying like this. joe d is next safe and his waterworks start again. brady is saved and joe w is sent home. sorry joe! you just can't rehab the gay outta you like that! Rent 'but i'm a cheerleader' and write your own sassy 'shiiiit' speech.