Dear Mr. Coolface,
In the last week, you have twice gotten me into severe trouble with my dear wife, Bed. I ask that you please get your facts straight with me before you publish anything further about my personal life. It seems that you have confused me with Mr. Mel Gibson. I have researched the story for you so that you make no further mistakes. If you wouldn't mind calling my wife and three little ones to clear this up, I would greatly appreciate it. Bed is not taking my calls, and we still have so much more to plan before our vacation.