We come in on the boys having a cryfest over Spoon's departure. I don't blame them. Mystery phone-recording summons the dudes to..a library? His hair is down, so we know he means business. Lesson 5: It doesn't matter if what you're saying is stupid and boring, as long as you say it animatedly, the girl will love you. (i think that only works if the girl is drunk or tripping.) He then trots out a group of girl tots that the boys have to each tell the story of Goldilocks and the three bears to -- because if a guy can hold the attention of a 4 year old, then he will have no problem entering into poontang heaven. Joe W. gays it up, Kosmo makes up his own crazy version starring spongebob and possibly britney spears (post-shaved head). Fred comes off slightly pedophilic. Poor scott gets the group when they are rowdy and tired of hearing the same story. joe d has clearly worked as a camp counselor or something before. brady's hair is getting a life of its own. soon it will want its own medallions. pradeep gets piled on by all the girls. i guess that means he wins if toddlers are the same as women in the club. Well, pradeep actually does win, and not because he does a stellar job, but because when it came to judging time he noticed he wasn't getting any votes, so he just started pointing to himself. and since kids are easy to fool, they started voting for him. the other boys are pissed, because pradeep really didn't do the best job. his prize is a one on one lesson with mystery (which he'll probably ignore, since that's his style.)
Mystery says that Pradeep will play the role of a female target in this demonstration and starts to grab his hands. Pradeep's secret dreams are coming true right here and he practically closes his eyes with pleasure. Mystery teaches Pradeep another silly magic trick that, if a girl is drunk enough to let some fool go through the entire setup, then you don't need the trick in the first place.
Lesson 6 - If you can be interesting, then the woman will become interested in you. Oh, Mystery. What great world wonder will you discover next? !! Scott is our first admitted D&D player!! i knew he had it in him, with those lengthy blinks of his. Brady brings up something that is one of my big problems with this show. Well, first off, he's already turning kind of smarmy. still the most together, but definitely going the way of mystery. anyway, he says that the girls he has gotten in life he always thought he just got lucky, but now he finds there is a system. "And when you follow the system, there's a connection and when you don't there's no connection." (Brady 2007) That's just not fucking true. Every other person in the world who wasnt' rejected so much growing up that they felt they had to create a system doesn't follow these wacky rules. maybe it's because i'm from the school of preexisting connections -- if there's a connection there's a connection, if not, there isn't -- but it's ridiculous that probably for the rest of their lives these boys will try to get girls with cheesy "gambits" and ridiculous "peacocking" that has nothing to do with them actually connecting to the girl as a person and not just a target. I'm glad spoon got out early.
Field test -- this time the boys have to get digits on their Virgin Mobile phones. (haha, some of them are virgins, so they really are Virgin mobile phones.) Ugh. Mystery says to the group "remember, they're just like little girls out there" and it makes me want to vomit on his ugly clothes for like 8 reasons. I really wish one of the guys would go up to a girl and start telling the goldilocks story. So, brady goes up to a group, gets introduced, and asks what the girls do. which is a completely normal thing to do, but the mPUA's get flustered and offended that he isn't using their material. blech. also, aren't these guys worried they'll use the same cheesy opening on the same targets? that would be totally suspicious. pradeep completely cock blocks fred. this twosome picking up girls would make for a great show on its own. none of the dudes get numbers. wah wah. so they have to use other mysterious ways to choose a winner. this week its joe w. he gets the same wingman picking thing. pradeep outrightly asks joe for one of the coveted slots. joe w acts all superior but ultimately decides to save him.
umm, has that lip imprint always been on mystery's neck? either answer is bad. if it's a tattoo...ooh..bad choice. if it's a temporary tattoo...sad choice. about as sad as fred's hatwear choice. Legus (?) is the yellow level 2 medallion. it represents "cleansing action". The fuck? Joe's second wingman is Kosmo. They must really feel sorry for that poor kid because he keeps getting wingman status. The boys are then medallionized in this order: Joe D, Scott, Brady. Fred gets dumped because, well...they really wanted to let him go last week before spoon interrupted. so, he will continue on with his 45 years of virginity, and, one hopes, a Virgin mobile phone. That way, if he's on the move somewhere, he'd be a mobile virgin with a Virgin Mobile. Ok, i'm done with that.