Friday, August 17, 2007

SRC: PUA - Get Out Your 20-Sided Die

Lessons learned thus far:
1- Get a stupid nickname
2- Act as obnoxious as possible
3- Demand that your target buy you a drink

What shall we learn today?

Poor little Spoon is always crying in his interviews. Mystery starts the day with an anthropology lesson. He tells the boys that they are more attracted to girls with short skirts and low cut tops so they, in turn, must wear tight pants (and, one presumes, silly headgear). I have a couple problems with this. One, he's basically telling the boys to only go for the slutty whores. Well, no wonder he has a great success rate. 2nd, he actually told them that they need to wear tight pants. no no no. he's creating an army of him! aarrgh!

lesson 4 - don't fit in. stand out. the first challenge is for the boys to create an avatar of themselves...or something. i half expected these geeks to run to their computers and start creating new Second Life characters. but no, he wants them to dress flashy and do something wild with their hair. wow. golden advice. their reward is a 'lovely' female friend of mystery's that the winner will get to practice with. any friend of mystery is a whore for his students. i think when he's not 'teaching' or picking girls up, mystery and his friends spend all their time playing Dungeons & Dragons. Between the stupid nicknames and the avatars, i'm thinking life is just one big D&D game. i'm surprised he doesn't order the wenches at the pub to procure for him a pitcher of grog.

MAKEOVERS!!! This is gonna be bad, y'all. also, pradeep is so gay. last episode, he only talked to guys at the bar and at the clothing store, says he wouldn't mind coming off as 'more gay'. scott is a loveable weird al nerd. does anyone else see the resemblance? Fred gets clothes you'd expect a 45 year old virgin changing his image to get. there are haircuts, waxings, and peroxide galore. spoon gets an ear piercing or three. let me just break right here and philosophically wonder if mystery's students are ever busted for being posers. this whole forced image thing makes me think that girls who are drawn to the type of facade these guys are putting up are usually also interested in the personality being there too. i'd think they'd be disappointed to find it's just a nerd playing dress up. don't get me wrong, i love a good nerd as much as the next gal (lord knows they love me), but just embrace it and learn how to interact with people. whatever, though. they're excited.

brady gets high marks. (duh). Scott is an improvement. Joe W...well, he spends a lot of time in his closet, so what he comes out with makes sense. (zing!) he also put two 6 gauge holes in his ears. ouch. Fred tried too hard to be young and failed miserably. he also got a piercing. what are these guys thinking? alvaro looks like he went shopping in the 80's with michael jackson. pradeep gets laughed at. spoon gets high marks. i kind of love this spoon guy. joe d reminds me of one of the dogs in goofy's crew. you know, one of the chunkier ones. they made him feel bad about his look. :( spoon wins the challenge. YAY! his prize is a real life woman.

Man, mystery's headgear for the day is something else. it's an extra wide black fuzzy headband topped by what looks like wooden 3D tanning glasses. i hate him. he keeps saying spoon won this lady. it's gross. tara comes to help spoon while the boys practice with each other. (pradeep and joe w love this i'm sure). they each memorize fake stories to open a convo with. blech. on the way to the club, alvaro announces his new stupid name to us: Kosmo. As in Kramer? he's got the hair. the boys are back at the club and have varying degrees of success. for some reason, kosmo starts breakdancing. kosmo might have something wrong. Like with his brain. poor little spoon enters the club and leaves straightaway because he's still scarred from the rejection last time. he heads into the truck to cry to the mPUA's and they give him a pep talk. I love Spoon. It might have something to do with his resemblance to one of my better exes.

Joe D wins the field test. i'm rooting for this fluffy guy. his prize is safety from elimination. he gets to choose 2 wingmen who will also be safe. Sheesh, give those wingmen two wingmen and the mPUA's won't have to choose someone to eliminate. Oh my god. there are MEDALLIONS!! he TOTALLY plays D&D!! There are 6 medallions before the final red medallion that only master pick up artists can wear. this is so weird!! the first is the symbol of Burkanon (?!) representing rebirth. weird weird weird. joe d chooses brady and kosmo. they all get medallions. oh ps, mystery is wearing his stupid jamiroquai hat. the boys are safe in this order: joe w, scott, and pradeep (who had a shit fit until he was called). it is between fred and spoon....and spoon raises his hand and says he wants out. :( Fred gets the final medallion. spoon gets my respect because the nightclub thing wasn't for him or who he was. so he's going to chug along at his own pace. call me!

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