Saturday, December 01, 2007

Crazy Roundup

Here's a list of crazy things that have happened recently, four of which happened yesterday...

1) I saw a woman walking down the sidewalk wearing a blue baggy work shirt, a con ed helmet and carrying a yellow wet floor/watch your step sign. All of this seemed pretty convincing attire for a worker...what gave me pause was what she was clutching in her left hand - a corona bucket used to carry her umbrella (it was a sunny day). still, though, it appeared as though she was a normal and not a crazy...until she came to a full stop and started michael jackson dancing.

2) I was walking to pick up a rental van for work when i noticed a large group of unkempt babbling folks in front of me. it was too late before i realized that it was a mass of homeless people all waiting for something, and i was already amongst them, traveling through the nucleus in order to get to the rental place. i suddenly felt very uneasy, as though i could be shanked for my egg and cheese at any second. homeless people to me are like stray cats...one at a time, they make me sad, but in large groups i just want to back away slowly.

3) Driving out in long island, i passed a white SUV on the opposite side of the northern parkway with its whole front completely aflame. i don't think i'd ever seen anything like that that wasn't cgi'd.

4) my co-worker and i were sitting in a van behind some building at some studio down at the brooklyn navy yards and we were waiting for a security guard to come and help us locate a storage container. we were shooting the shit when we suddenly heard a male voice shout something to us. we both looked to the left and saw a car with its headlights blinking, but could see no man. he said something else and the lights blinked again at the same time. it happened once more and i was really starting to think that we had just met kitt. then the security guard appeared.

5) on the subways here in nyc, each car has two pairs of what i like to call 'lovebird seats' on either side. lovebird seats are located against the end of the car and another railing or wall that's right next to the door. they are really just two seats with no room for improvising. for the majority of my trip, i was sitting in one next to a skinny lady, so we both had ample room. three stops before where i was to depart, my riding partner got off. i was reading a magazine (as i do) and listening to my ipod (same) so i really don't pay attention to what's going on around me, but i felt somebody sit down in her place and i could tell it was a large man. at first, i could just feel the weight of him sitting and my personal space wasn't violated, so i just assumed that it was a big boned man...but then the fat started seeping into my space and i was slowly pushed against the wall of the subway car, possibly even going in a diagonal fashion. i quickly glanced to my side to see if jabba had come to exact revenge and a little bald headed face (attached to jabba's body in a coat made with the most fabric i've seen for one garment) turned to me and sweetly said "sorry!". my heart broke a little and i diagonally said 'it's ok!' and continued reading. when my stop came, i struggled to look around him to make sure it was where i needed to be, then wriggled out of my seat and headed for the doors. he grimaced at me with his jack-o-lantern teeth, in what i can only assume was meant to be a smile and he apologized once more. again, my heart broke and again, i brushed it off saying 'it's ok!'. he then very enthusiastically said 'have a nice day!' and i returned the sentiment.

2 comments:

Ricky said...

woot woot! all aboard the crazy train!

christine said...

i literally laughed out loud. literally!