Tuesday, November 04, 2008

FRC: PUA - Kosmic Body Language

Alright guys, I'll try this one more time. I'm still a week behind, but i'm committed to this.

Karl returns to the group after eliminations. They are all shocked Kevin went home. There are geek hugs all around. Honestly, I don't know any of these guys' names. I'll learn 'em. Sorry I've been slacking this season, but last season is pretty hard to top. Both in that the ridiculousness of this show is more shocking/hilarious the first time around, and also that i feel like i was more on my game last year.

Mystery meets the nerds at a health center. He explains basic biology and how the body reacts in certain situations. some fake doctor tells the guys he will teach them how to use mindpower to keep their vitals low whence presented with an "external stimulus". The prize is a free visit to mystery's rape surveillance van to spy on the other guys during their field test, and to pick up a few pointers. The doctor doesn't so much as teach the boys how to control their vitals, but rather throws them in the fire and hopes for the best. Matt is first. He gets tied to electrodes with no expections. Needless to say, a scantily clad woman comes slinking out...wearing like a porno nurse outfit. after writhing around in front of the boys, she takes off her nurse dress and is all 'and here's m'boobs!'. I hate this show.

brian with the fro asks if he will be watching any videos. awkward. i hate this brian guy. and all the nerds (obvs including mystery) kind of love him. he is their nerd king. their dungeon master, if you will. ryan is up next and tara comments that he looks like he's sleeping. she adds "you can't pick anyone up while sleeping." to which mystery replies "I wish!" Really, Mystery? Do you really wish you could pick up chicks in your sleep? what would that accomplish? Ugh, how does this guy get laid all the time? i mean i know how, but WHY does it work?! Karl's next, followed by Greg. Greg is a little hottie. that anonymous commenter from last week's post just might be onto something. Todd needs to convince me that he's not gay. he's not doing a great job so far. simeon closes up the challenge. what's really gross about this, besides all of it, is that there is clearly a shot that was done solely for the camera (and is being edited to look like it's from the nerds' perspectives). Like, "Nurse Samantha*" (* not a real nurse) writhed and stripped eight or so times for the boys, and then an additional time where she's just talking to and stripping for the camera, for extra gratuitous naked lady footage. the winner of the challenge is hottie greg.

the boys get a lesson in body language. Kosmo! he's back! he's all growed up now. these guys all worship him. he is their true dungeon master. Actually, mystery is. kosmo, with his reality education and one year of experience, teaches the guys about body language. you know why? because winning gave him confidence. which is ALL these guys need. they don't need tricks or gambits or openers. matador looks super butch. i mean, like, a butch girl. i think i went to college with her.

woah! mystery's hair is down. eeehhh...i'd rethink that. field test -- they guys must open a set and convince them to go to the VIP section -- some guys do well, some don't, Simeon is still creepy. All the while, Greg is in the van watching Mystery & his wings basically deride the geeks' failures for not being assholey enough.

hold up. what. the fuck. is mystery wearing?! with his flowing locks down, he chose to pair black pants and a long sleeve shirt with a maroon fucking tunic over it. he looks ridiculous. obvs, greg wins the field test.

medallion time. Tonight is Legu (?) Greg is safe. as his wingman, he chooses matt and brian. dungeon master brian, what did i say? todd and simeon are also safe. this leaves ryan and karl. they both kind of suck, but karl sucks worst, so it's game over for him.

mystery's departing words to Karl?
"It was a kick ass run brother."

I need to figure out how to phonetically spell vomming noises. it would actually come in pretty handy these days, considering the tapes i've been logging for nickelodeon.


Anonymous said...

i guess i'm in the minority because i don't find Greg attractive. He looks like Mad magazine's mascot,Alfred E. Neuman. lol

Sara said...

haha! that is actually pretty accurate. i think it's less of a "this guy is super hot" thing and more of a "compared to these other losers, this is the best option" thing. i dunno....