America has most likely forgotten who he is by now, but...

...last night Taylor Hicks was crowned the fifth American Idol. America immediately regrets its decision when, upon winning, Hicks performs the majority of his "debut single" out of tune.



America then realizes that voting for someone because he's quirky, dances funny, has gray hair, and shouts "soul patrol!" excessively enough to make some people think he has a very peculiar type of tourette's is really only fun when you can watch the dude. Which you can't really do with a cd. America then shrugs.

Horse Update!

So, to all those concerned, Barbaro is showing improvement since having surgery to repair a leg shattered during the Preakness last weekend.

Coolface is curious as to why nobody has investigated whether or not Tonya Harding is into horse racing.

it's time for another educational pictoral essay from coolface!

today we tell you a cautionary tale about....ALOE!

you may initially be surprised by the feeling of euphoria which the giant aloe leaf produces.


you will then want to display your love of aloe to the world and call yourself the aloe-gator. your friends won't get your pun until 2 days later.


which in turn will cause delusions of grandure and hallucinations - you will believe that you are in a rock band as you play a fat riff on your aloe-guitar.


you will then grow aloe hands and molest people.


if you believe that you or a loved one has been violated by an an aloe hand you can learn more at www.ihavebeenviolatedbyaweirdaloehandandimnotgonnatakeit.com. please note that the aloe violation site is in no way affiliated with www.ihavebeentouchedbyapylonhandandimnotgonnatakeit.com

Rimshot!!!

Coolface would like to report the discovery that there is a man somewhere out there with the name of Peter Bonerz.

...

We hear he has four headz.

Hey-o!!!


(think about it)

Awwww....its the Chicks and Giggles Kitten!

Gosh, coolface loves the Chicks and Giggles kitten! It appears when Coolface is performing at the amazing Chicks and Giggles comedy night! Whats that you say? You don't KNOW the amazing Chicks and Giggles comedy night!? Well, step right up sonny and pay attention! It is an all womyn night of comedy! And we are going to be girl-ing it up this tuesday night with the best of them! Thats right!

Coolface @ Chicks and Giggles
May 23rd
Mo' Pitkins
Ave A btw 3rd and 4th Street-sa
7:30 PM (PM now...don't be confused)
FREE FREE FREE FREE

Hope you can take it!! Oooppps! I mean MAKE it! Ha ha ha ha.

Inaugural Subway Spotlight: Tootin' Tommy

Every now and again, we all come across a subway performer that we think deserves a little more attention than pooh-poohing commuters are willing to give. Coolface strongly believes that these outstanding subway performers should get the recognition they deserve, and we are proud to give it to them in Subway Spotlight. Here is our inaugural Subway Spotlight, featuring the act of Tootin' Tommy.

Tootin' Tommy enters the train with saxophone on neck, sunglasses on face, and mind firmly planted in a world none of us will ever know about. He immediately launches into his monologue, paraphrased here:

"Attention! I come from Galaxy 7!!! I am an alien! I. AM. AN. ALIIIEEEEEEEENN!!!!! I am on a 19 year mission. I have a message for you, mere mortals! And it sounds like this..."

TT then starts a-tootin' on his horn. He starts smooth, with a recognizable easy listening hit. Then, he starts to vamp a little bit...take some liberties. But instead of beautiful runs, he instead just blows the sax as hard as he can and moves his fingos as if someone were pointing a pistol at them yelling "dance! dance!". i don't know if this offended me as a former sax player or as a person with ears, but it was sure unpleasant. He closed out the song with a spot-on rendition of what i like to call the 'car alarm remix'...and i think everyone knows what i'm referring to when i say that. So all in all, it started out strong, in the middle it got a little pitchy, and in the end, it was just aight for me. This is how TT closed his act:

"You will feel the effects in a couple of hours. But my spaceship has crashed and I must go back to Galaxy 7.
AND I'M TAKING BUSH WITH ME!!!!! I will also take Cheney but that is gonna cost extra"

I need no more words to explain why Tootin' Tommy is the first ever honoree here at Subway Spotlight

Happy First Birthday, Coolface!!!

Light the candle, y'all, approximately one year ago (give or take a day), Coolface was born. We were one of those babies that remained nameless for a little while - and we juggled many names before wonderfully stumbling upon 'Coolface'. (CF FUN FACT ALERT: Some other names considered include 'Mr. Pants' and 'Rainbow Trite'.) So, thanks to everyone who has supported us as we toddle along. you are all way cool dudes. also, thanks to those kids at Bergen County Academies for having us at their Stop Violence Against Women benefit last night. Seriously, the best guys we've worked with...we had a stellar time. And they raised a fair amount of bucks for Amnesty International. Coolface feels nice to have helped support a good cause. cheers!

coolfacer lends a hand

we like to announce the good deeds that coolface performs.



sara, ever the good samaritan, lends phaea a hand. sara gives support, bolsters her confidence, helps a friend, props her up, does the right thing, takes one for the team, encourages team work, bolsters her, makes good, grabs a handful of ass.

please forgive us, we know not what we do...

Coolface apologizes to our avid reader(s) for the recent extreme busyness/neglect of the blog. we realize how important it is to the Fellowship to get a daily (or at least more than once weekly) fix of coolface, and will try to do better in the future. hopefully, this will keep you going - and make up for lost time - until we are able to fully return our attention to posting.

-if you see a giant mascara handing out little mascaras, you take what it offers. the giant mascara may not seem threatening, but picture it this way: would you want to say no to a giant tiger handing out little tigers? no. for fear that the giant tiger might get offended that you don't want his babies. even if he's handing out little tigers as part of an evil plan to populate the world with a tiger army, you would probably rather deal with an angry little feline than a giant one. but above all that, you'd probably want the mascara most of all. it fits nicely in your purse and won't take a shit in there. happy 35th anniversary maybelline!!!

Here is a collection of things said to 1/3 of Coolface by Isroel - a man with a dream.
"I want to be your friend. I've never talked to someone like you. I want to be your friend. Wait, how old are you? I want to be your boyfriend. Do you drive? I will buy you a Lexus, I am a doctor. I will buy you necklace. Can I give you my number?"

Yes, yes, and yes.
It should be noted that 1/3 of Coolface said the following in response to 'I want to be your friend.'
"Um, thanks, but I'm working right now, so...I can't really be friends."

If anyone would like Isroel's number - you know, if you're in the market for a necklace, a Lexus, or a friend, drop us a message and verify whether you want home or cell number. Coolface has both.

In an entertainment note, Coolface is extremely happy that its Top 2 picks from the start on both America's next top model and American Idol are looking pretty durn close to being Top 2 in their respective shows. Go Joanie and Danielle. Go Katharine and Elliot.
Also, a Coolface Top Ten Website (the gilded moose) recently chose us as a runner up for their Tuesday edition of Prove Your Wit. check it out here

Show with a Coolface member in it!!

This is a show that all of coolface will be participating it! coolface admits that it did some censoring of the picture, but only because there is a good chance coolfaces' moms might see and we get embarrassed. Its going to be chaotic comedy and mostly music and a free open bar!!!!!

BE THERE!!!!

We're Already Superstars!

Check it out:

Stop Violence Against Women

coolface's favorite website

just in case we forgot to tell you because we were to busy acting this website out.....this is coolface's favorite website

we hope it will change your life the way it changed ours.

BRACE YOURSELVES

The "baby" has been born. Just a warning to everyone out there...grab shelter now because you will be hearing about young Suri Cruise (or is it technically Suri Mapother...or is it Suri Ron Hubbard?) about 64 times a day for the next 5 - 8 years. let's just hope that in that time she learns cool tricks to make it worth our while...baby couch jumping anyone? i wish that baby would've come out black. that would've really made this all worth our while.

Where Have all the Boondocks Gone??

THIS CARTOON IS FROM 1998!!!!!!

What the hell is up with this indefinite leave of absence shit? No new cartoons produced, AND its been replaced in the Daily News with some sad ass Opus rip-off. I sweat if Aaron McGruder is pulling a Dave Chappelle, I am so royally pissed. I mean, if I wanted to read this cartoon that was featured in my My Yahoo page this morning, I could have just picked up the frickin’ Boondocks collection book my ex-roommate gave me! Except I left it in Park Slop when I moved, so it would take a few phone calls and a subway ride, but I could do it!

Otherwise, what is the deal? Why is Aaron not making any new cartoons? Anyone know?

The last cartoons he wrote were about Grandpa on MySpace. And then Aaron conveniently disappeared. Katie Holmes, after meeting Tom Cruise, also conviently disappeared (for 16 days). My question is now: Myspace and Scientology…connection?
Hey, isn't even the my space guy called "Tom"? Weird? Doesn’t he look a little “too” happy, and welcoming? I mean, could the guy REALLY be everyone’s friends? Will he soon be offering free My Space “stress tests”, brainwashing our brains, and impregnating us? (Only women.)

I’m not pointing fingers here now, don’t go quoting me on this…infact…I forget what I am talking about.

Oh right. The Boondocks. Bring them back!

thanks for pimping us out!

in recognition for promoting us all the way from the dirty south, we'd now like to induct Ricky into the Fellowship of the Coolfacelets:


Thanks, Ricky, and welcome. there is complimentary cheese and wine...if nat hasn't taken it all...

'snow way, 'snow how!

We found this nice snow man online. We at coolface are so happy that children today are still as wholesome and fun loving as we used to be! I mean, what is more childlike and pure than a snow man!! With a mustache!! Hm...odd shaped mustache..

Anyway! Look how happy he is!! waving and friendly! Like he wants to be our friend! I sure wish I could be friends with Mr. Snowman!

Fuck it. It's Hitler.

aryan twin tweens!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Coolface would like to recognize Natalie Rose for her outstanding commitment to Coolface. In return for her loyalty, we will now induct her into The Fellowship of the Coolfacelets:



  


Welcome Nat. And thanks again for the support.

Coolface wants to know..

what's with the aversion to underwear, linds?

coolface image search

just did a google image search for coolface. here's one of the winners.
seriously, don't mess with us before we've had our first cup of coffee.

let us also mourn...again

one less seagull in the world.