Sunday, March 15, 2009

WRC: ROLB - pole arteests

Previously: Jenny - we hardly knew ya

taya makes a big announcement about how she's the Pet of the Year. I thought we already knew this? No, really, she's saying she just found out, but she already told Bret this.

the bitches arrive at truck stop games. there will be three teams of three. there will be trucker judges. there is promise of an awesome date as a prize. the girls suit up. or down, rather. one team member must bellyflop into a vat of bret's brew, the clearest beer 'round here. the second game involves a stripper pole. everyone clamors to be their team representative for this challenge, comparing dancing and pole experience. and woah, talk about not what you expected. first off, brittanya is elected as the green team rep because she is a go-go dancer...but she apparently doesn't go-go anywhere near a pole because she sucks. she can't do a thing. does this girl have any positives? then megan mullaly-ish kami is all 'let me let me' (over Ashley) and if you would've asked me if kami could outpole ashley, i would've laughed in your face. but what we all didn't know is that kami has 10 years stripping experience (sad) and possesses the magical ability to float around the pole with ease. who knew? and then taya gets up there and like...with the legs. i mean, maybe it's because i've never been to a strip club, but did you all know they did this?

the third game is a hot dog relay. even though the blue team did better in this game, farrah showed her boobs and kissed a trucker, so the yellow team was declared the weiners. (see what i did there?)

bret meets with the girls to show him he's a fair guy and knows the judges were swayed by farrah's assets, so he will also spend some time on his bus with the blue team, aka the true winners (ashley, beverly, kami). they talk about jealousy. then he sings to thme. ugh. FF. woah. OMG. so bret and ashley start making out, then all four go back to his room, then apparently ashley just immediately dropped trou. hmm, we didn't get any more details aside from kami being uncomfortable and pissed about the whole situation. she approaches bret and tells him she wants to leave. bret's all "can't hate the playah!" so, two of the three newbies are out. the other winning team heads to an amusement park. they are amused.

so, they all go to bret's show. (AGAIN) farrah and kelsey start the night wasted. big john asks them to be on their best behavior. farrah and kelsey hump each other in the VIP section with all the impressionable young fans watching. then they make out and destroy the VIP area (with ashley's help). big john gets angry and scolds farrah and kelsey by sternly reminding them he asked them not to be slutty. then he grounds them to their bus. kelsey gets PISSED, flips out, flees the bus, and lies on a speed bump, crying in the middle of the parking lot. she says she wants to go home and doesn't want bret. she tries to reject big john's attempts at a conversation. he acts like a therapist and tells her she has a chance. he convinces her to stay. maybe he has found a new calling.

six of the girls are presentable at elimination. 'presentable' being used loosely. the other three are super wasted and can barely stand. wasted ashley is hilarious. i might actually love ashley. but not in a way where i'd ever want to hang out with her. bret calls kelsey down first and she laughingly stumbles toward him. he gives her the whole "this road is too tough for a broad like you" spiel and ashley and farrah drop their jaws. though i'm sure ashley was tempted to drop her panties. anyway, kelsey is dumped, everyone is shocked. and THEN! as she is sent to pack her things, ashley whispers to farrah "I don't think she has any of my clothes." awesome. ashley is awesome. what a true friend. she and farrah get a warning from bret and he sends everyone on their way.

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