America’s next top model – model edition update

It was makeover time in this episode. The model car got a much needed detailing and new paint job. The model airplane got some new “sassy” wings and a new propeller. The gun really doesn’t look all that different, but the makeover really polished him and gave him the confidence he needs to dominate the competition. If only we could say the same about his violent tendancies. The model house had a new kitchen and patio added on, as well as new shutters. And last but not least, the show’s darling, the model of the human head… what she received was just short of a makeover miracle. They cleaned her up and made her look at least 10 years younger by simply removing the brain, shortening the nose and added collagen to the lips. She looks sleek and classic – a true model.

The upset of the evening was that the house was booted off. They had the nerve to tell that she was just too big to taken seriously, and didn’t have “model proportions”. However, she really did not photograph well and her original pen and pencil drawing really did not do her justice. We are sure she has a prosperous career as a habitable home in her future though.

another new reality show idea

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL - MODEL EDITION!

who will it be?

the model car?




the model airplane?




the model gun?




the model home?




or the model bisected human head?

quote of the day

Coolface Employee Becca said the following in an email and it was absolutely necessary to paste it here for everyone to love:

...oh..some background, this came up during a discussion about the pros and cons of being attracted to someone who is braindead (long story, don't ask)

"unless you're into that kind of thing...what movie was that where the girl fell in love with the retarded guy? oh yeah....every keanu reaves movie..."(Jones, 2006)

Fall Reality Corner: EPIC FIRST EDITION!!!

alright, kids. let's get right into this because we have bunches to cover.

PROJECT RUNWAY:
JK! No Project Runway this week.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL:
first, i'd like to say that for the past week, anytime a commercial for top model came on television, i squealed like a 5 year old girl. or..like a contestant on top model. second, i kicked off the season with four fantastic friends and lots of bottles of wine and beer...and honestly, i don't know how i didn't watch ANTM this way before.
So, basically, the first hour showed us how tyra and her cronies narrowed the group from 33 to 13. we were assaulted with those wacky aswirl twins right at the top of the show and i almost killed somebody. but i was jarred out of my anger by tyra's entrance and lots of screaming girls. (why do girls scream like that? what does it accomplish? screaming should only be reserved for times when your brother jumps out at you from behind a wall in a dark room. and rollercoasters...because you just can't help it then) i never understood why antm has this episode after they've already released promo pics featuring the eventual selected herd of models. but, i got suckered into liking and getting to know some of the girls that didn't make the final cut, so i guess i really shouldn't be complaining. whenever i see those first promo shots, i basically group the girls into "black girls" "blonde girls" "the red head/black haired one*" (*hair probably short) and "the ethnic one" and i guess i don't memorize their faces too hard.
anyway, the 33 were cut to 21, and those 21 had to do a nude photo shoot. for their first photo shoot. nude. first. naked. completely. so, all the girls were game except the republican (of course) and my immediate thought was "remember that bigoted, racist, homophobic, hateful republican cheerleader from last season? no? that's because she was cut before the final 13 were chosen." sure enough, shy ol' ginger wasn't selected.
here is a quick rundown of the chosen 13:
CHRISTIAN - doesn't matter. she's off. first off? embarrassing. first off when you are Tyra's biggest fan and have memorized every pose she's ever done? priceless.
MEGG - "the rocker" i honestly don't know why they call her this. does she collect pebbles from places where she has memorable moments?
*i think it's notable enough to mention that christian and megg look like the black and white (respectively) versions of naima, winner of cycle 4. but, less fug. like, way less fug. naima was busted.
AMANDA and MICHELLE - the twins. i thought this was a cool idea, but they're kind of annoying. well, amanda is anyway. and michelle is way prettier. they are identical twins and i can tell them apart already. they also really look like robin tunney. michelle kind of looks like fiona apple in her picture from this week.
MEGAN - my favorite right now. she's gorgeous. and she seems way chill. and her mom DIED ON TOP OF HER after they were IN A PLANE CRASH when she was TEN. and this girl did not cry a lick when she was telling this story to tyra and the jays. if that's not enough to love her, then the fact that she looks like Charlize Theron should suffice.
A.J.- was my fave based on the original promo shot because i like her look of fair skin and dark hair, but i accepted the possibility that she might be annoying...and she just might be..we need a little more time.
MONIQUE- and we already have our hateful bitch of cycle 7. Unfortunately (but fortunately for my eyes) she looks like gabrielle union, and therefore will probably be around for the long haul.
EUGENA - takes a good picture, is thankful that makeup covers up her bad skin (zing!)
BROOKE- cute and playful. looks like she lied about being 18. also looks hungry.
ANCHAL- I don't like this girl's face. an astute coolface friend pointed out that she looks like a hawk. i thought all she had going for her were the blue eyes, but those are fake. she's pretty i guess, she's not a model. this year's gina. hopefully less annoying.
JAEDA- slightly tran-tastic, but seems supernice and has a slammin' bod.
CARIDEE- fun and pretty when she does her hair properly.
MELROSE - umm, her real name is Melissa Rose. i liked her name better before i knew this. she's pretty, but at the wrong angle can be weird looking. almost got the axe.

Danielle was back for her my life as a covergirl! we love her! and she mostly kicked her accent! that's my girl.
here is a helpful chart that explains where the girls stand right now:

LIKE _________HATE_________UNDECIDED_____DOESN'T MATTER
Megan_________Amanda________A.J.________Christian
Jaeda_________Monique_______CariDee
Michelle______Anchal________Melrose
Brooke________Megg__________Eugena

someone give this girl a hand!

i don't want to name any names, point any aloe hands or draw a crappy crown on anyone's head...but it's a certain coolface employee's birthday!!!

noteworthy bits

here are just a couple of random things:

1)a man on the street-- a completely heterosexual man-- was spotted wearing a black shirt emblazoned with the following statement:

"if you got it, flaunt it!

for some reason, i found this notable. i do not know what the reason is...

2) a woman was overheard in conversation saying the following without a hint of irony:

"hell to the no!!!"

maybe she really wants to support whitney during this difficult time by trying to get her most popular phrase back into circulation...this is understandable...but seriously, say it jokingly. otherwise, it's just sad.

2a) someone else that might be saying "hell to the no" a lot more frequently these days? Courtney Love. apparently, captain drugs-a-lot herself has taken on the dubious task of helping whitney kick her habit of getting wasted. no word on whether the two of them will help each other be less trashy. the best part of it all? courtney sprung into action when she saw the tabloid pictures of whitney's crack den. if courtney love is looking at pictures of your home and saying "oh hell no", then you really know you've hit a new low. i can't wait for these two to rerecord that hit song from the prince of egypt, "when you believe", with love taking over the mariah carey part.

syndication, here we come

just wanted to announce that we just passed the hundred post mark with our stunningly brilliant reality show idea. we think it's a sign our show is going to get picked up.

new reality tv show idea

EXTREME MAKEOVER PET EDITION!

before:


after:

Rock Star Update

OMG. This is too good to be true. So, you coolfacelets out there may or may not be aware of this lawsuit that Supernova was dealing with all throughout the show. Basically, there is already a band that exists called Supernova...and they've been around...oh about 17 years...and for obvious reasons, they aren't happy that these "superstars" felt that could just take their name and not deal with the consequences. So, the lesser known Supernova sued over trademark something or other, and guess what the fuck what? THEY WON!!! there was a court date of the 13th or the 14th...so there's been speculation that the reason there was a double ouster early in the season and that they went into the finals with a foursome was because they had to have this show wrapped up by the time the case went to court.
The best part about it all (granted...i wouldn't be this happy about these things happening to them if they had picked Dilana, the person who properly earned that slot in their band) is that the band now HAS to use the name "Rock Star: Supernova". That's how they tour, that's how they release albums and singles. Hahahhahahaha. Take that Lukas. You're in a dweeby band now jerk.

Summer Reality Corner: Final Edition

So, since fall comes around next week, this will be the last summer reality corner. However, there are still a few episodes of project runway left and of course america's next top model...so fall reality corner should be pretty exciting.

Project Runway:
It is indeed sad that Kayne was dismissed yesterday, especially because it was between him and my archnemesis Jeffrey...but Kayne has had a few missteps in the past few weeks (what happened?!) so i guess it was his time. angela and vincent were brought back and given another chance at the finals...but because they both kind of suck and are totally bat shit crazy, they just turned around and went back home. angela was probably like "wait, you fly me to paris and turn me right back around? and then you bring me back on the show and then kick me off again? fleur chon?" and vincent was probably like "i like to play connect four with a banana. clothes? i win!" michael proved once again that he is awesome and amazing and my one true love. laura finally got some well deserved credit and won a challenge. she is also super hormonal with baby number six. it's kind of interesting to watch. she went from zero to 11 in just two episodes. she also went from stick thin to seriously preggers in that time. i'm really liking a top three of michael, laura, and uli. but unfortunately, we'll have to wait two weeks to find out who the top three will be.

ps, poor jia's bicycle/bus accident was finally brought up. this was the news item that i've been so cryptically referring to every so often. i read that she was in the finals and i was nervous that, since she was vincent's model, he would also be in the finals. but i guess they had their facts a little mixed up.

Rock Star:
What happened in the finale was completely ridiculous and just...there are no words....and believe me...this is NOT because i hate lukas. Lukas won. let's get that out of the way. the toddler-faced/pikachu/monchichi/"tranny midget"/christina ricci/weird canadian/(enter any other names here) was chosen after it came down to dilana and him. let's back up a little. final four: dilana, lukas, toby, magni. magni went first. that was no big surprise. toby was next. that was pretty shocking and toby looked pretty crushed. i wholeheartedly believe that the only reason lukas was chosen over dilana was because supernova didn't want a girl. bad move. i don't think they realize how many potential fans they lost and how many people downright hate lukas. a couple other interesting things: about 15 minutes into the broadcast, cbs played this weird survivor commercial intercut with clips of lukas singing his original song. this was definitely a mistake, and spoiled the ending within the first quarter of the show. also, i read an article today that said somebody revealed two weeks ago that lukas would win which led a lot of people to believe that maybe he had already been selected at the start and this whole show was really just an act. this makes two years in a row i've been letdown by the jerk that wins. oh well. what a summer it's been for all three of us that watch this show.

why coolface wants a dog!

Lil' Abner mystery sloved!!!

You know those days where you sleep till noon and don't have the stamina to do anything except watch the 1959 musical movie Lil' Abner? Well, one of us was having one of those days and we noticed that one of the hillbilly extras who danced and sang in numbers including "Put 'Em Back (The Way They Was)" and "Jubilation T. Cornpone", was none other then a young Valerie Harper.



That's right. Rhoda. Which means, of course, that in the 70's to have your own sitcom, you had to also be able to sing and dance. Three cheers for the mediocrity of today!!!!!! Hip hip Seinfeld! Hip hip Hurrah!!!

Hilton's Elk Banned!!!

One of the big news items that has come up in the course of the recent Paris Hilton backlash is her rejection from Ian Schrager's Gramercy Park Hotel and Rose Bar. Apparently, the bouncer was told by Schrager to not let the likes of paris hilton or her elk through the ropes. That poor poor elk.

Summer Reality Corner

Rock Star:
Supernova made an unfortunate move by booting Storm Large when they had their first opportunity to release that wood-nymph lukas back into the wild. Supernova, listen to me: his voice doesn't not match you. his personality does not match you. he's a huge asshole. he never forms words, he just kind of wails and moves his mouth around. when he sang the first line of livin on a prayer last week (johnny used to work on the dock) it came out as "onnneeoosawuhrkonnnadaaahhhhh" . anyway. bad move. storm was way talented. definitely capable enough to keep those boys in their place. and i think a much better contender than lukas. whatever. i'm not in supernova, so apparently what i think isn't important. ugh. final four are dilana, toby, magni, and lukas. i think the two it'll come down to are dilana and toby. interestingly enough, storm was the last american contestant...we've got quite the multi-culti final four: iceland, australia, canada, and south africa. way to go planet earth! i think it's also notable to mention that toby dedicated his song to steve irwin. toby is perfect.

Project Runway:
Hooray! Vincent is out! So my connecting the dots of that news item was wrong....i'm still not gonna bring it up here because it could still be a spoiler...but thank god. if laura were booted over vincent, i don't know what i would've done. i am of the group that did not think jeffrey's dress was the best...i thought uli had that challenge in the bag...but maybe it's just because i hate all things jeffrey. it's possible. i also realized in this episode that there are only two women remaining. interesting. i feel like by the time project runway has its finale, it'll already be fall reality corner time. but do you know what we have to look forward to then? america's next top fucking model. september 20th. don't you dare miss it.

Holy Crap!

check out this article from cnn.com! This amazing emergency room nurse came home to find an intruder in her house armed with a hammer, so she STRANGLED HIM TO DEATH WITH HER BARE HANDS!!!!

woahmg.

my first thoughts upon reading this article were to send it to my mom so she could start practicing her strangling techniques. just. in. case.

did you ever wonder?????

if your troll dolls come to life while you sleep and watch your television, eat your food and inhale your soul through their strange distended bellies?






no. me neither.

everyone else is talking about her...so we will too!

The big news item of the day is Vanity Fair's pics of Suri Cruise with "parents" Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. And goddamn if she isn't a beautiful baby. gorgeous blue eyes and an extraordinary amount of hair. I guess all those early reports of Suri Sightings promising all that hair were true. Unless you are among the many that believe it is some sort of wig or hairpiece. which it very well could be. and like...i can see a little tom resemblance around the mouth area...but C'MON! that baby is totally asian!

link via BWE

Dream Interpretation Time!

last night, i had a dream that i was with a coolface mom and a coolface brother and for some reason we had all taken something to induce vomiting (i really don't know. and this is all very strange because i am not ok with vom) and the cf mom and the cf bro were successful in their attempts but i couldn't do it due to my intense dislike of the sport. finally they were goading me on all "c'mon, it's not as bad as you're picturing it. just relax" kind of creepy-like...and then i was successful and we were able to move on to whatever activity that required us to induce vomiting. but, i never got to find out what that was because as i was spitting at the end of the act, i wake myself up in the middle of ACTUALLY SPITTING ON MYSELF. gross. anyway, one member of the fellowship of the coolfacelets suggested i had this dream because i was feeling nauseous in my sleep so it translated to dreamworld. anyone else have a suggestion?

R.I.P.

I'm caught off guard at how sad i was upon reading about the death of crocodile hunter Steve Irwin . He was surprisingly not killed by one of those crocs he loved to taunt, but actually by a blow to the chest from the tail of a deadly stingray. he's now joined Grizzly Man in the ranks of "umm...maybe he had it coming"... but still. it's pretty sad.

remember when he almost fed his baby to that crocodile?

Summer Reality Corner

Sorry this is a little late...but c'mon, was anyone really affected by my tardiness?

ROCK STAR:
Hallelujah, Ryan's gone! Thank god. I mean, points for most improved, but Suzy was most improved last year and she paled in comparison to the rest of the contestants...and if you knew suzy, you'd know i just kind of dissed ryan. and if dilana or storm were booted over ryan, i would've been mighty pissed. my dream top three are dilana, storm, and toby - i'd be fine if magni snuck in there...but i really need lukas to go next.

PROJECT RUNWAY:
Hallelujah again - crazy angela is out. listen, i was warming up to her and i definitely sided with her during any altercations with jeffrey (i hate jeffrey)...but she was fleur-loopy. it kind of sucked how she got flown all the way to paris just to be told "peace. don't let the door hit you where the rosettes split you" and put right back on that plane, but better her than anyone remaining....except vincent. and jeff of course. he's an asshole of the largest variety- but unfortuantely is immune next week (i think?) so here's hoping vince goes this week. (though that news item of a few months ago keeps coming to mind...)

A motivational poster - by coolface