motocop update

i just saw on the news that police have distributed 125 tickets for hazardous train track crossing

IMing with bro: emoticons and middle fingers

me: my friend was on the office this week
:D
bro: yeah you only mentioned that like four hundred times
me: haha
bro: im sorry four hundred and one
me: i knew you'd say that, thus the :D face
bro: how bout this face
um...
how do i make a middle fingo
nlm
me: good one
bro: ~nlm
therrre
me: -+-
what's the tail it has?
bro: the thumb
me: who hails a cab while flippin the bird?
bro: \nlm
better?
me: i like just nlm
thumb folded in
bro: my thumb sticks out when i flick off
do you thumb tuck
me: yes... depends on the mood.
bro: oh how dainty
me: haha
ur the dainty one
you flip off like you drink tea
bro: well my flick off is not dainty then
me: pinky out
thumb out
bro: nah my pinky stays in on both counts
oh i c
OIC
me: n^m
i feel like there's gotta be something better than the l
but maybes not
bro: haha
unless
\nIIm
is double better?
me: nIIm
yes
bro: mllnr
is right handed better?
me: it looks like you are shorthanding millionaire
bro: shthndg mllr
me: i like \nIIm

late submission

my uncle/amazing race partner alf has just submitted his go at the slappin' batman comic, and i think it's a pretty good one:

motocops on the prowl

the first morning i drove to my job, i went a little bit of a shortcut way. like most ways out of my apartment area, i had to pass over train tracks to get where i needed to go. now that the metro is running, everyone is on high alert re: not getting hit by trains while foolishly stopping on the tracks. so, i go this shortcut way, and while i'm waiting to make the two turns i need (one over the tracks), i notice to motorcycle cops just chillin'. i figure they are probably there to make sure everyone is properly minding the tracks so i make sure to be superaware of not breaking any rules. while i'm waiting for the cars to clear so i can turn, i witness each Motocop pull over a separate victim. (i would try to explain how i saw this happen, but i tried explaining it via IM to my brother and he was so confused i had to draw him a diagram a couple days later. when i went back and reread it, i confused even myself. basically, i theeenk people are getting pulled over for crowding the stop line and not leaving the tracks clear.) i made a note that the cops would probably be at this post for a few days, and to make sure to go the non-shortcut route. even though i'd still be passing by the cops. there was less of a chance of getting pulled over since i would cross the tracks at a non-guarded area.

so the next day, i do just that. and as i am passing by Motocop point, I see again that they each have a separate car pulled over. yikes on motobikes. this happens again the day after that.

today, i head to work in the morning, and while i see the cops waiting around, i don't actually see any victims snagged in this window of time. however, even though i usually go a different way home at the end of the day, i had to pass by them today so i could gas up my car. while i was waiting at a light, i saw the motocops just chillin'. their bikes were parked and they were just standing around, looking at all the traffic. then, i see a car cross the tracks to wait behind a car that was already there. bad move, i think, but maybe this dude will luck out since the cops seem to be just shootin' the shit. but then i see the cop approach the car on foot and tell him through the window that he needs to pull over. ON FOOT. he just strolled up there like he was shooting fish in a barrel. i wonder if they are getting just warnings or if they are getting ticketed for this. and i wonder how much the fine would be. because if the cops are consistently catching at least two people in the same five minute window of time that i head to work every morning, i can't even imagine how many they pull over daily.

am i going to hell?

i started my new short-term job today, and while it definitely hasn't been as dreadful as i expected (so far...), it's still a little bit weird. there is a long list of rules to abide by and in the new hire packet, they made sure to mention multiple times that they could terminate my employment at will at any time for any reason. yikes. on top of all this, i'm sitting in a room with 99 other people (no exaggeration, there are literally 100 of us in one room -- i got assigned to the big room) at a computer that is about a foot from the nice lady next to me. we're all at long tables -- no cubicles or faux walls -- it's like a little test scoring sweatshop. within our room, charmingly known as "barton springs", we have all been assigned to teams with team leaders. we really don't have to work together, it's more of a way of assigning someone who knows what she's doing to guide a group of about 8 of us to make sure we're doing everything correctly. i am one of three in my group that's aged somewhere between 25 and 32, the rest are all older ladies and gentlemen.

now, many people don't know this about me, but i'm actually pretty shy at first. i also hate small talk. i don't like chatting about little unimportant things. i'd much rather read a magazine or stare at the ceiling, but since i will be working in really close quarters with these people, i thought i should at least participate in some of the 'get to know you' chatter. after answering multiple questions about my life, this pleasant but (overly) talkative nigerian lady looks at my shirt and says "does your shirt say blondie?", to which i respond "yes". she then jokes that she wishes my hair were blond, because then she could just call me blondie. i told her she could call me blondie if she wanted to, but then helpfully pointed out the giant name placards that we all have at the top of our computers.

this is when things got weird for me. here is our convo:

lady: oh yes, sara, i see. i'll know your name. sara...that is a christian name. are you a christian?
me: ... uhhh...yes?
lady: you hesitated on your answer
my work neighbor: when there's hesitation...it means she was raised christian.
me: yes

*aight lemme interject here. that's fucking bold, right? (and not just because i bolded it. heyooo.) i mean, i had been talking with this lady for like 7 minutes. why..what...how was i supposed to answer that? i'm not going to go into my spiritual beliefs with some stranger, whom i am pretty sure is a devout christian. i'm not gonna answer with a resounding "NO!!" and i'm not gonna pull a cross from under my shirt and wave it around. i mean...that's a weird question to ask an almost complete stranger, right? okay....*

lady: i ask because sara is a christian name, so why else would they give it to you?
me: there are plenty of reasons people are named what they are, regardless of the background of the name...
lady: so who are you named after?
me: (i know only that my dad once told me the drive from brownsville, tx north toward kingsville passes towns called ricardo and sarita. this is true, though i don't know if it's the true reason we are named as such) Uh...my dad named me?
lady: well, why did he name you that?
me: i don't know..he liked the name?
lady: well didn't you ever ask him?
me: my parents divorced when i was two, so i didn't get a chance to (!!!)

who do i think i am? why was that my default go to answer when i was backed in a corner? especially because i talk to my dad pretty often these days. and why did she keep pushing it? luckily things weren't uncomfortable or anything, she took that as a satisfying answer and moved her line of questioning on to something else. but, i mean...how should i have handled this?

the cost of procrastination

i start a new job tomorrow that will last a few weeks, so today I went through that panic mode i always default to where i feel like i have to get a lot of shit done since I a)haven't been doing anything and b) won't have free time for a while. Since I had a couple of things to do at the local walgreens, i decided to take my list of needed household items with me and stock up on supplies.

usually when I'm not working, i'll keep a list of things i need or might be needing soon. By putting it off as long as possible, in my mind I am saving money that i don't have. and then, days like today when i know i'll have a paycheck in the near future, I head out and stock up. all of this is just a really long way of saying that i just spent $90 at walgreens. and it was all stuff i kind of needed. i could've skipped the shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant, but it would be my close quarter workmates that would suffer when i realized too late that i was out. i could've forewent the economically priced three pack of Brita filters, but that's water we're talking about (and it was basically like buy 2 get 1 free when comparing prices!!). i could've left out the 8 pack of paper towels, but i ran out of paper towels about three weeks ago and it's been annoying. also it was only three dollars more to get six more rolls, and i'm a bargain hunter.

even though i went in with a list of six things to get, walking through the aisles reminded me of other items i needed. i've lived in austin for five months and just today i finally got ice cube trays. so...i'm wondering...in honor of curbing my procrastination/master rationalizing habits, maybe it would be better if i spent a few dollars here and there as needed instead of having a heart attack when i have to pay for everything at once. it kind of cancels out the glory of a paycheck if you spend it before you earn it.

this is why i'm single

before i begin, you should know that i have two major complexes. the first is thinking that people don't or won't remember me after a couple meets. the second is my height. i went on a couple dates with a guy who lost me after he made fun of my height.

i also am one who loves an occasion to dress a lil fancy. however, i can only fully enjoy it if i'm either headed to a destination with another person or if i can go from point A to point B with no stops. new york has trained me to believe that going out with a skirt and makeup equals catcalls, comments, and/or propositions. unfortunately for me last night, i not only headed to my destination solo, but i also had to make a quick stop on the way.

whilst i was waiting in line to pay, i hear out of the corner of my ear "oh, hold up, there's a beautiful lady next to you." now...it's hard for me to explain this, but i really hate this shit. i'm not being egotistical here, i was the only female with 8 other drunken males in the store, so this guy was obviously talking about me. this happens to me all the time -- a guy will loudly say something similar to this, hoping that that in itself will be so flattering to me that i'd turn around and engage him in conversation. however, i never respond to these attempts. i don't think it should be assumed that i'm standing around listening to all the conversations around me waiting to hear if someone thinks i'm hot. if somebody wants to talk to me, it would do them good to try and get my attention first.

alright so here i am not responding to this because for all i know, some beautiful lady could've walked in the store behind me and he's talking about her. or maybe he refers to his friends as beautiful ladies. it's not for me to decipher. then i hear him say 'what do you have going on tonight?' i don't answer because i am faced 180 degrees away from this person. he doesn't have my attention! i don't just walk through the aisles of the grocery stores answering questions i overhear. so then after my nonresponse, he says 'oh, so she's ignoring me.' this is the line that they always go to and it angers me to no end. it is also the line that i allow myself to acknowledge these people, because at this point i need to show that i am not being timid, i'm just being annoyed.

so i turn to him and i say "No, i just don't respond to someone unless they are directly addressing me" and i turn back around to face the cashier. of course all seven of his drunken friends are like "OHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" there are still two of his drunken friends in front of me in line. the cashier is enjoying this situation a little too much, but does give me a supportive smile of solidarity. at this point, i believe that i'm in the clear. i've acknowledged him. i've not shown interest. and again i am facing away from him. i just want to pay and get out. but give them an inch and they'll take a motherfucking mile. like that stalker i had.

so this guy is conversing with me like we're on our first date:

douche: Do we stink?

Me: (turns to look at this mass of large sweaty drunken menchildren.) Like liquor? (turns back to face away from them)

douche: well, yeah obviously, but body odor? we've been playing all day.

me: i can only smell liquor.

douche: We had an awesome day. We did some great stuff! We played about 54 holes of golf.

me: wow. impressive. (do i even need to note my sarcastic tone here? also, i am still not even facing or looking at these guys.)

douche: well. not real golf. disc golf. we're pretty lazy guys. we like to get a lot of beer, a shitload of kind bud, and just get fucked up and play all day.

non-douchey friend: dude! stop!

douche: what? she's not a cop.

non-douchey friend: just stop.

douche: she's too short to be a cop. (*please note that he is calling me short while i'm wearing boots with three inch heels. imagine if he'd seen how short i really am.)

non-douchey friend: dude. what is your problem?

douche: she's too short to be a cop! she can't be a cop. cops aren't short.

at this point, he moves from behind me to the left side of me, and sticks his head in close.

douche: you're not a cop right?

me: (scoffs and shakes head in disbelief.)

douche: see! she said it herself. she's not a cop because she's too short.

me: (leaves)