SRC: RoLB - all hail the prom queen

bret takes mindy and taya to the dominican republic. mindy is all "crazy crazy crazy". taya is all "boring boring crazy fake fake". mindy and bret learn to tango and then tango behind closed doors (ifyaknowwhatimean). taya and bret go ziplining but she's too much of a "lady" to stay the night with him. there are flashbacks from the whole season and damn this season has taken forever. bret makes the girls each choose an engagement ring. and then he chooses taya. but he decides not to give her the ring just yet. because i mean...taya? really?

SRC: ANTM12 - more like NOTalie

oops...did it again with the lateness. sorries.

previously: London was fat. the final six are off to brazil!!

some tall brazilian supermodel named fernanda welcomes the girls to Sao Paulo. turns out she hosts brazil's next top model. i wonder if tyra only takes girls abroad to countries that have a version of top model. because it IS in over 100 countries. according to tyra.

the girls compete in their own version of the amazing race. natalie and fo win but fernanda has beaten them there! mystical. they meet the girl from ipanema as she comes out dancing to her tune. she gives them the keys to their new abode. natalie and fo win flip flops as a prize. natalie is all sour and unimpressed about brazil.

the girls are taken to a capoeira demonstration. woah, i totally spelled that right! i'm awesome. should've been in my high school capoeira club. the girls are taught some moves and celia accidentally kicks aminat in the face. the girls change into capoeira uniforms and have a photo shoot challenge. winner gets 50% more frames, taking them from the girl of her choice. she of course just couldn't get extra frames because we're in a recession, so those frames have to come from somewhere. fo wins! she takes her frames from teyona, because she's still holding a grudge from when teyona shared her prize with her model celia instead of fo. teyona confronts fo and they exchange words.

photo shoot. the girls will be dressed like carmen miranda. aminat and teyona talk about how they don't like fo anymore. ah, young drama. alright, i've defended natalie in the past, but she really is kind of an insufferable stuck up bitch. fo takes the carmen miranda thing a bit too literally.

i can't stop saying this, especially after that panel intro, but i cannot stand tyra. natalie throws mr. jay under the bus when she gets negative commentary. questionable. the judges praise allison's picture, but to me it looks like the same face she always gives. paulina either got way too much sun, is wearing way too much bronzer, or a mix of both.

allison is called first. runner up is teyona. then fo and celia and my team is safe. we're down to aminat and natalie. aminat still can't put it all together and natalie is actually kind of boring. aminat looks really pretty. maybe that's what saved her. natalie is out.

SRC: RoLB - zzzzzzzzzzzz

ohmygod rock of love ended WEEKS ago and i just can't get through this. bret chose the LAMEST top three in the history of all reality shows which translates to boring recaps. so let's just breeze through this, shall we?

previously: bret booted the last interesting trainwreck person he had and we're stuck with a top three of jamie, taya and mindy. when mindy is your best option...you have a problem.

this winning trio ditch the pink bus and head to miami. bret gifts skimpy carnival outfits and mindy throws a fit about it for the entire night. bret is sporting his vacation weave braids. mindy eventually gets over the outfit fiasco by mounting bret and making out with him. this upsets taya.

taya and mindy's friendship continues to implode. meanwhile, how the hell did jamie slip into the top 3?

there are various dates with various combinations of duos. at one point, on a swamp boat gator date (!), jamie gets all question question about bret's intentions. she says she is looking to date, not get married after the show. he says he's looking for love. yeah, right. says the man forcing both of his swamp boat gator dates to make out with him one after the other.

there's an awkward dinner with all four. everyone's sowah. bret leads them all to the bar and scolds them for being downers. he takes jamie aside. she again says she wants to date, but not marry right away. bret, i think misunderstands her and thinks she's saying she just wants to party, while she's just saying she doesn't want a ring at the end of the show. he can't understand/believe that everybody in the world doesn't want to marry him.

eliminations. bret thinks jamie's just there to party, he wants to wrap his gut around taya, and mindy is a psychopath. first pass to mindy. jamie is called down...only to be rejected! taya is in the top 2 with mindy. all together now! LAME!

SRC: ANTM12 - bigger than ben

d'oh! i wrote this a full week ago but forgot to type it up. sorry!!

previously: everyone sucked in the commercials, but tahlia was the best at sucking, so she was sent packing.

celia finally brings up london's street preaching. i'm really surprised they didn't wear that shit out from the beginning. they probably knew she'd be around for a while and it would grow tiresome. based on the first five minutes of the show, i'm guessing aminat and london will be our bottoms. and based on the amount of jesus praising the editors are now choosing to show us, i bet london is going home.

argh! fucking shoket!! the challenge -- each girl will be the creative director for a shoot. winner gets something. i tune out whenever shoket is on screen. london's weight comes up again. she's apparently gained 10 - 15 lbs since week one. aminat sabotages herself because she got natalie as her model. aminat had some potential, but i'm soo over her. teyona surprises jay by actually being good.

the winner is the girl who came up with the strongest creative vision. ugh. shoket tries to make a sexy winky face and it's so wrong. all wrong. ugh. teyona wins and gets to appear in a seventeen magazine with two friends. she picks celia and aminat. fo is jealous she wasn't chosen. fo-sen.

seventeen shoot: sorry, because i'm starting to actually like her, but celia looks like a 30 year old trying to be 16 here. like the mom in mean girls.

jay shows up at the house at 5:30am. they get hair and makeup done there and then, randomly (but still not quite as random as clay aiken) ciara shows up. she'll be posing as herself in the photo shoot while the girls portray her best stalker whilst wrapped up in a mic cord. aminat is practically drooling on ciara. woah, and these bitches are practically nekkid.

what -- i don't understand where this weight is that london has gained? apparently it's really obvious to everyone. (Update: ok so now that i've seen side by sides, i get it. but i don't think it's something i would've noticed had it not been talked about so much) teyona does really well. aminat struggles...jay calls her the worst of the day.

london is doing a lot of God Talking. has this just been edited out previously? methinks, yes.

these tyra documentaries are getting dumber and dumber and more and more random. a naked guy comes out. there's a stupid skit. blah, blah, they're going to brazil. only six of the seven, that is. aminat and london get the worst criticism, with teyona excelling. allison starts to say that this was her favorite shoot, but then nigel's ego gets bruised and tyra threatens to give her the boot for that "slip up". the whole thing is rather disgusting.

seven beauties, six of which are brazil bound. teyona is called first. second is fo. they are followed by natalie, celia, and allison. this leaves aminat and london. (ding!) luckily, i just traded out aminat from my team. unluckily, i traded her for london. aminat has all the elements but can't make it work for pictures. london has gained weight. so who goes to brazil? aminat. no room for fatties.

picture it: hello kitty

i just went out in the rain to get my lunch, and as i was walking to my chosen eatery, i passed Hello Kitty. i mean, of course, a person in a Hello Kitty costume. i'm not too sure what she was promoting -- she was standing outside of one of those general electronic stores times square has plenty of -- but she was vigilantly standing out in the rain (with a little cover from an awning) bouncing around and waving. things were different on my return trip.

i headed back to the building with my sack of food in hand approximately 7 minutes later, excited to pass by this random Hello Kitty again. no longer was she bouncing around and enthusiastically waving, but rather she was slowly, depressingly swaying, holding her paw up. no wave, just a salute. if it took that short amount of time for her to get all depressed about the rain, i hope that a) her shift had just started and b) its only a half hour shift.

SRC: RoLB - and then there were three. lameoids.

taya talks too much. mindy starts to crack wondering if this is all a joke and if she'll actually get hurt now that she's starting to fall. i thought she was starting to fall weeks ago. then, through the tears she says "i have never even been ENGAGED!!!" is that something we all should've done by now?

big john gives the lameoids their clue -- which tells the girls to write a song to record with bret. winner gets to jet off somewhere. jet blue probs. coach. mindy stresses some more because songwriting eludes her and singing, apparently, is literally impossible for her.

beverly is up first and i think bret is pretending to play guitar along with them and the backing track. beverly has a decent voice. jamie is next and...at least has fun. taya, surprisingly -- or not considering the accusations of her being there for self promotion -- had the best voice out of all of them. mindy agrees with me on both counts. mindy practices her song with bret first and acts like a whiny baby. she then does her performance and she wasn't kidding about not being able to sing. she does a twangy talky sing song performance, then laughs and sabotages herself by saying she got lost.

mindy starts trubbies by implying that taya's penthouse promotion was a red herring of sorts, with her real goal to promote a music career. taya wins and there is dead silence and eye rolling when bret announces it. he chooses a second place winner to also go on the "jet". it's the ol' ringback tone trick to determine the winner/promote his single. beverly wins.

taya and mindy's BFFness is starting to crumble.

jamie gets the brilliant idea to pose with mindy for slutty photos for bret. "not slutty, but classy slutty" as jamie describes. too bad that brilliant idea was already had in season 1.

taya further annoys everyone and me with her nonstop nonsense yapping. bret pulls mindy aside to talk some stuff out. jamie interrupts because she barely gets bret time. mindy is pissed.

first pass goes to taya, obvs. i don't think bret realizes what he's getting with that one. jamie is next. it's between mindy and beverly. but beverly was the one who tackily asked bret to sign some teddy bears for her daughters. mindy is saved, but only after she swears to bret that her heart is in it.

god, what an awful top three.

what are they feeding you

wow it's been a while since i posted anything that wasn't a recap, huh? i'll throw you this bone --

today as i was returning home from a work fakeout (don't get me started, i might start breaking things), i easily found a seat on the subway. since it was midday, there weren't too many train riders, so a girl that was sitting on the two seater perpendicular to my seat stretched out with her legs up. it should be noted that she was wearing pajamas. pajama pants, a coat, and house slippers. and because her feet were raised on the seat, THAT'S ALL I COULD SMELL. and it wasn't just foot smell, it was nasty, gaggy foot smell. how was she not aware of it? or maybe she was and she wanted everyone to suffer with her.

SRC: ANTM12 - your issue is up

Previously: Aminat lost me (and her position on my team) by acting like a total asshole. Sandra finally proved that she was utterly useless and was sent home.

aminat continues to act like an asshole to natalie. and from what we're being shown, it looks undeserved. paulina meets the girls for this cycle's acting teach. as usual, most of the girls blow, but also as usual, tahlia blows the hardest. then paulina pulls out clay aiken, who apparently is a close friend of tyra's, to ACT with the girls. this is who you got for you acting teach? in all of new york? because he was in spamalot? furrealz? the girls scream like, yeah that would happen. this isn't america's next top mom.

omygod you guys. Tahlia is TERRIBLE!!! i hope she's at least good at volleyball. winner of the challenge gets $5,000 worth of joe's jeans merchandise. and that goes to london. she acts excited about it and i'm convinced. apparently, though, london has gained weight and cannot fit into her prize.

mckey is there hawking covergirl foundation and to signal that it's CG commercial time!! time to separate the bad from the worse. teyona, aminat, celia, and allison are in one group, with fo, natalie, tahlia, and london in the second. aminat, allison, and tahlia do badly. london, head inflated with the earlier win, overacts. tahlia looks like her group's mom. do you think tahlia will want to go home since she's doing badly this week? she may not have a choice. spoiler alert.

damn, she can't even convincingly read tyra mail.

panel: clay aiken is the guest judge and tyra talks about how much his first album sold. what does that have to do with anything?

allison gets picked on for wearing the same dress she wore in week 1. then they tell her to switch clothes with teyona during the deliberations. then they pick on her bad commercial. poor thang. aminat gets teased for talking like she does. london gets it for being "hard", then her shorts are banished. natalie is told to work on her flirtiness. fo gets made fun of for maybe having a speech impediment. tahlia gets called old. like i said. tyra tells tahlia she looks most like a covergirl out of everyone. i beg to differ.

models in action. heather! she's working and becoming a videogame designer. double awesome. that is one thing i would've liked to discuss had i recapped last week's episode. how can they highlight whitney in the models in action segment? she won. shouldn't that be... oh nevermind. just nevermind.

tyra brags about how she did not once use a teleprompter in her five covergirl years. yeah, cuz they weren't invented yet. burn! speaking of burn, let's go to elimination.. for those of you kept in suspense, allison and teyona did actually switch clothing. celia is called first. next is natalie, and then teyona, fo, london, and aminat. this leaves allison and tahlia. let's hope tahlia is out. am i right?! allison isn't versatile, tahlia sucks. so.....sweet! allison stays. see ya tahlia!

SRC: ANTM12 - taking a pass

so i think i'm gonna skip last week's top model recap. in the interest of staying up to date with this show, since it's my #1 recap priority, and not falling three weeks behind like rock of love bus, i think it's the best thing to do. i watched this episode with the same friend and on the same night i watched that last rock of love episode, and i actually remembered to save the ep for later recapping. but since i'm currently enjoying my first day off after a 26 day work streak, my dvr list has piled high. instead of rewatching the ep to recap it, i'm just going to cut my losses, and refer you again to rich at four four and potes at twop.

my apologies. one day i will be back to my routine. though i'm starting to feel like my routine is actually being behind. what would i do with my life if i weren't busy catching up all the time? maybe we'll never know.

SRC: ROLB - and down goes the blondtourage

so i accidentally erased this episode after watching it with a friend, forgetting that i still needed to take notes on it. woopsiedoodles. it's a shame too, because it really was an awesome episode. bret again brought the exes back to spill secrets. taya's ex "jaz" was literally a crazy man..who probably enjoys hitting women. ashley's ex burst out with the one thing that's made ashley visibly nervous and freaked out --- the truth bitches! apparently he's her baby daddy and they live together and eff all the time! brittanya's ex was a booty call that got her so riled up in her interrogation with heather and ambre (!) that she took a swipe at the former and spit on the latter. mindy's ex kind of showed that mindy is maybe a cool person and should save herself from bret's clutches, since she is kind of a frontrunner now. jamie -- you know i can't even remember much of what happened with jamie except that she wore a shimmery gold scarf on her head the entire episode. and beverly flipped out way more than necessary about the fact that her ex didn't have enough respect for her to show up to be interrogated. or maybe he just didn't want it all to go down on a trashy vh1 show. she seriously brought this up about 12 times, always drunk and crying about it. i don't believe she did anything besides that in the episode. anyway, bret was pissed that brittanya treated his friends heather and ambre like shit, so he dumped her. and because of the fishy situation with ashley's "ex", bret lost all faith in her and left her ass too. which really shocked me. but she also was acting completely different with bff farrah gone. oh, and also hilariously, during heather and ambre's interrogation, heather was super wasted. and she still blocked brittanya's first punch. awesome. also notable, there are only brunettes left. surprise surprise.

anywho, i suggest y'all head to rich at vh1 or potes subber sara m at twop (who unfortunately is not me) for some good recaps on the actual episode, since i was silly and erased the it.