coolface on vacay!

just in case you all have been wondering where sara is...she just sent us this press release from the "camp" she's working at!!!


ABU GHRAIB IRAQI PRISON FANTASY CAMP
WWW.ABUGHRAIB.ORG

Let the liberal-controlled media whine about how our brave men and women of the U.S. military treat our Iraqi prisoners! REAL Americans know that war is hell and you have to do whatever it takes to get the job done!

For those who "get" that it isn't a picnic over there, we are setting up the Abu Ghraib Fantasy Camp. Wish you could be in the military, but you can't for some reason? Want to show our troops you support them? Just want to "blow off some steam" (as Rush Limbaugh so correctly put it)? Abu Ghraib Fantasy Camp is here for you! (actual opening date set for Summer '05)

At Abu Ghraib Fantasy Camp, Mountain Home, Idaho, you'll find dozens of "Iraqi prisoners" you'll be able to "discipline." Don't worry, they (and you) will be perfectly safe. Unlike in Iraq, we've taken every precaution to protect your safety.

It'll sure FEEL real, though. That's what you're paying us for, after all. Our camp is even built on an actual desert lot. From the time you arrive to the time you leave, you'll feel as if you're really a member of the U.S. military in Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.

We're working hard to make your Abu Ghraib Fantasy Camp experience as real as safety and the law will allow.

In case you're wondering, the picture above is the actual site on which the Abu Ghraib Fantasy Camp is being constructed, even as you read this. The guy in the picture is the creator of the camp. He's wearing the mask to conceal his identity so that the "peace-loving" liberals don't harass him.

Through this fantasy camp we support our troops, unlike the left-wing Commies who work day and night to undercut their efforts at global freedom. Screw you, Commies!

abughraib2004@yahoo.com

NOWWW PICTURE THIS!!!!!!

now picture the entire scenario below with jaba the hut dressed to go to work as a business woman inside that inner tube!

NOW PICTURE THIS!

now picture the entire previous scenario with becca is inside that rolling inner tube.

that did not really happen, but it would have totally won the universe's funniest videos!

PICTURE THIS

a giant inner tube rolling out of control down the beach at lightning speed for almost a mile and taking out several random beachgoers in the process.

we know it's hard to believe, but this is a true story!

if only we had a video camera - that shit would have won america's funniest home videos hands down!

Prof. Showalter!

coolface has just been informed that through the PIT you can take a class taught by Michael Showalter, AKA, coolfaces' secret boyfriend.

http://www.thepit-nyc.com/classes.html#sho1

So secret in fact that he doesn't even know about it. Or us. Or care. But he does teach!!!! Which of course, also is a terrifying warning to all comedians that even if you make it, like, wicked big, you might still have to teach screenwriting to unhappy New Jeresy computer programers!

Jabba Goes to Work

Coolface is a fan of...

Mercedes!!



  


check out her band

one of the most talented people you'll ever know. huzzah!! 2/3 of Coolface give 2 cheers and a toast. (Becca gives her cheer in a non pictorial non to-go margarita way)



  


come back again sometime mercedes. we think you rock.

Open Letter to God

Hey God. I think you read our Blog. Anyway God, we have to talk about this "rain" thing. I know that the trees and stuff love it, but really, I think its over kill. I mean, it comes out of no where and its all heavy and cold, and then no one leaves their apartments and when they do they get all soaked, like one of us were when they were on their bike coming back from a doctors appointment. Its a lot of rain. And it sucks.



Rain in great if you llive on a farm. But in New York City's outer burroghs and main land "island" its a bit of a blow. I mean, it blows. So please, just a little less rain, a little more candy falling from the sky. Its not cute, its not very summer-y, and it doesn't make us believe in you any more or less, it just makes us think you suck.

And don't give me that "global warming/its our own doing" crap. We will see Mr. Gore's movie REALLY SOON, we promise. (because watching a lecture on screen sounds like such a FABULOUS friday night) Just stop the rain. Just a little bit. No hurricanes either.

Especially no Hurricanes, because the Daily News told us that to evacuate from a hurricane, we should take the subway, but your little rain storm on Friday flooded all the trains, so that doesn't work.

Either stop the rain, or provide us all with floaties.

Thanks.

congrats phaea!

coolface member, phaea, is moving! her new digs are situated in one of the most bustling parts of town, and you can't beat the price! we'd appreciate it if you would abstain from calling her new place a sinkhole that only fits a trashcan and a traffic cone.