am i going to hell?

i started my new short-term job today, and while it definitely hasn't been as dreadful as i expected (so far...), it's still a little bit weird. there is a long list of rules to abide by and in the new hire packet, they made sure to mention multiple times that they could terminate my employment at will at any time for any reason. yikes. on top of all this, i'm sitting in a room with 99 other people (no exaggeration, there are literally 100 of us in one room -- i got assigned to the big room) at a computer that is about a foot from the nice lady next to me. we're all at long tables -- no cubicles or faux walls -- it's like a little test scoring sweatshop. within our room, charmingly known as "barton springs", we have all been assigned to teams with team leaders. we really don't have to work together, it's more of a way of assigning someone who knows what she's doing to guide a group of about 8 of us to make sure we're doing everything correctly. i am one of three in my group that's aged somewhere between 25 and 32, the rest are all older ladies and gentlemen.

now, many people don't know this about me, but i'm actually pretty shy at first. i also hate small talk. i don't like chatting about little unimportant things. i'd much rather read a magazine or stare at the ceiling, but since i will be working in really close quarters with these people, i thought i should at least participate in some of the 'get to know you' chatter. after answering multiple questions about my life, this pleasant but (overly) talkative nigerian lady looks at my shirt and says "does your shirt say blondie?", to which i respond "yes". she then jokes that she wishes my hair were blond, because then she could just call me blondie. i told her she could call me blondie if she wanted to, but then helpfully pointed out the giant name placards that we all have at the top of our computers.

this is when things got weird for me. here is our convo:

lady: oh yes, sara, i see. i'll know your name. sara...that is a christian name. are you a christian?
me: ... uhhh...yes?
lady: you hesitated on your answer
my work neighbor: when there's hesitation...it means she was raised christian.
me: yes

*aight lemme interject here. that's fucking bold, right? (and not just because i bolded it. heyooo.) i mean, i had been talking with this lady for like 7 minutes. why..what...how was i supposed to answer that? i'm not going to go into my spiritual beliefs with some stranger, whom i am pretty sure is a devout christian. i'm not gonna answer with a resounding "NO!!" and i'm not gonna pull a cross from under my shirt and wave it around. i mean...that's a weird question to ask an almost complete stranger, right? okay....*

lady: i ask because sara is a christian name, so why else would they give it to you?
me: there are plenty of reasons people are named what they are, regardless of the background of the name...
lady: so who are you named after?
me: (i know only that my dad once told me the drive from brownsville, tx north toward kingsville passes towns called ricardo and sarita. this is true, though i don't know if it's the true reason we are named as such) Uh...my dad named me?
lady: well, why did he name you that?
me: i don't know..he liked the name?
lady: well didn't you ever ask him?
me: my parents divorced when i was two, so i didn't get a chance to (!!!)

who do i think i am? why was that my default go to answer when i was backed in a corner? especially because i talk to my dad pretty often these days. and why did she keep pushing it? luckily things weren't uncomfortable or anything, she took that as a satisfying answer and moved her line of questioning on to something else. but, i mean...how should i have handled this?

the alarm who cried wolf

does anyone ever really pay attention to alarms anymore? i'm not talking about alarms you wake up to, i'm talking about fire alarms, car alarms, etc. i feel like we're all so used to false alarms, that our immediate reaction is to do nothing. a fire alarm has gone off in my building a few times since i've lived here. i react in this order:

1) hear the alarm, think about how annoying it is.
2) if the alarm has gone on for more than a few minutes, look out the peephole to see if anyone else is fleeing
3) if no one is fleeing, continue as i was

one time, about a month after i moved to this building, i smelled smoke. it was strong enough that i did about three thorough checks in my apartment to make sure it was nothing of mine that had burst into flames. i looked out the peephole, and things looked foggy, like maybe my peephole was dirty, but no one seemed to be fleeing. a few minutes later, the firetruck came. when i opened the door, the "dirty peephole" actually turned out to be smoke filled halls. the firemen were giving the all clear, so i went back into my abode. i later found out that the people in the apartment directly below me had fallen asleep after putting boiling water on the stove. the alarm never went off in this situation.

anyway, i was reminded of this because i was changing me clothes at the gym today and an alarm went off in the girls' locker room. there were three others in the locker room with me and i heard someone in one of the showers. no one flinched or made any effort to vacate. not even i. and when you think about how often car alarms go off at the slam of a door, or when a motorcycle drives past...does anybody actually react when a car is actually being stolen? are these alarms, for the most part useless...or should we all start reacting like it's the real thing every time?

the mystery of brandi c

my tv tastes range from the trashiest lows to the classiest highs, so forgive me for stepping into the dumpster for a second here. i was watching the rock of love: charm school reunion last night like a classy lady (btw, prepare yourself for rock of love bus. with names like Brittanya, Constandina and Jasmineva, how can it not be in reality corner) and something very odd happened. Megan was brought down to the stage for her time with Sharon. first let me share my feelings about megan--

it is hard not to hate her, but it is also hard to not think about how much she's fucking with people because the producers asked her to (rumor is she was dating one of the producers for a while). there are times i hate her, but also times that i love her. she is not what she seems -- she's brilliant and hilarious and at times she can be awesome, but she's definitely a villain. so, proving how much she gives a shit, she stumbled onto the stage drunker than i've ever seen her. that's saying a lot, considering that her two staples on her three shows have been a bikini and a drink in her hand. so first of all, as she's getting out of her seat to head to the stage, brandi c is next to her SOBBING. this, on the contrary, is not saying a lot, because brandi c is always crying about something like her puppy just died. nobody on screen paid this any mind, so i just kind of forgot about it. UNTIL megan's interview with sharon (just before she insulted ozzy and sharon threw a drink on her and kicked her ass) -- this is when i heard brandi c scream-crying in the background. from the sound of it, she had been taken backstage. again, nobody on camera acknowledged this at all. when they panned back to the gaggle of contestants in their seats, brandi c was mysteriously absent.

did anybody see/notice this? what was brandi c freaking out about? did she know megan was trashed, which could only lead to trouble? (brandi c and megan's bff-ness is a love story for the ages) did her puppy actually die? will i ever know the answer?

s1LL1e dancing

kind of recently on the blog:

- as usual, i am full of questions. some about dancing with the stars, some about dancing in general and some about pranking

- at reality corner, top model dropped clark, then the cheese, and celebrated with a clip show

- my boxing instructor might think he's clint eastwood

- becca gets stalked by a mongoose and a man in a turtleneck

- check out where i could've worked!

- and finally, i'm in the midst of a patch of bad luck, as evidenced by the events of this evening and by me breaking my toe last night

Hundred Dollar Baby

when we got our new boxing instructor, what remained of the class (about a handful of people) took a little while to warm up to him. he was not as awesome in the personality department as our last instructor (but really, no one could've been) but he did give a good workout. he also took it upon himself to learn and remember my name, which i think is a nice personal touch. but because i'm only one of maybe two or three people whose name he's asked and remembered, i think it might be because he has big dreams for me.

after the first couple of classes, new instructor juan couldn't stop praising the class as a whole for always really giving it our all with the different exercises. he told us stories of other classes he has, where everyone refuses to do even one pushup, and how he really likes coming to our class, because we all really commit to it. then he offered to give me a ride home, since he lives in my direction. (don't worry, this story isn't going to get creepy). the first time i caught a lift with him was when he first started working on trying to get me to actually fight people. he said that me and one other girl in the class really could be great fighters if we would go to his boxing gym and let him train us. i told him that it's something i've thought about, but really i don't want to get hit in the face.

a couple weeks later during class, he called me and the other girl 'incredible'...he eyed me at some point during the class, asked my weight, and then i saw the gears turn in his head trying to figure out what weight class i could fight in if i dropped some pounds. he gave me a ride home again that day and was like 'listen, i'm not gonna fill your head like last time and say you could be mike tyson, but you could really be a great fighter.' i was all, ok seriously, there are two things holding me back: the face thing, and the fact that my mother would have a heart attack. he again told me to think about it.

when i did tell my mom about it she literally went "whaaaaAAAAAAAT?! hahahaha...NO." so right now, i have no professional fighting plans, but i still have it in my head as an option. especially considering that my mother's next question was my first question: would i be fighting for money?

this week, i head into class, a little more confident than usual. i resist ever being confident or cocky about anything (abilities, knowing an answer to a question, etc) because for me it's always that moment when i turn out dead wrong. so i'm in class this week doing my thang and juan keeps walking by me saying stuff like 'come on sara, what happened to your flys" (or something like that, i could barely hear him because the music was so loud...and i don't know what that means). at the end of class, he says to me 'what happened today sara? too much drinking last night?' which is hilarious, considering 1) that he didn't bring this up when i actually was hungover on my birthday and about to pass out and 2) i most definitely was not drinking on saturday night.

do you think i disappointed him? or do you think he's secretly sneaking coaching tips in to continue to convince to me start fighting fo real?

dancing question #2

at a crowded party, is it better to try and grab the spotlight, forming a "show off your moves" spectator ring in the process or to try and get the whole room to join you in a popular but silly line dance?

dancing question

every week on my google reader, a headline pops up from cnn stating that another contestant has been kicked off dancing with the stars. why is this news? they don't do this for other reality competition shows. isn't that, like, the whole point of the show...is that someone gets kicked off every week? i've never watched it, so i don't know if when they get kicked off, they actually get plunged into a pit of hungry carnivores, and thus the headlines are announcing the deaths of the 'celebrities' (or something just as serious)....why else would a headline be necessary every week?

keep my meat safe

Recently, on this ol' thing

- fix one thing, lose refrigeration

- becca knows what she's talking about when it comes to fashion

- Tatum O'Neal? More like Junkie O'LieFace

- if Kensington is good enough for Denzel, maybe we should change the name to Denzington

- moar questions!!! weee!!

Another Round of Questions!

It's time for some more random questions! My favorite! Even though i never get answers :(

Number 1: On my way back from a physical therapy appointment yesterday, I ran into some train problems. One train was traveling west at 45 mph...oh wait, wrong question. actually, i was waiting on the platform for quite some time (considering it was the middle of the day) for an E train. When it finally came, the load of people waiting to get on had increased significantly. We all shuffled onto the train and sat in the station with the doors open for about 10 more minutes. Then the conductor came on and told us that there was a sick passenger on the train (they ruin everything) that needed medical attention, so the train was now out of service and could we all kindly get our asses off the train. so we grumbled our way off the train, and now the platform is hoppin'! The train closes its doors once everyone is off, and sits in the station for another 5 minutes. Then, the doors reopen and the conductor comes on again saying that the train is back in service. here is my question: do you think they just tossed the sick passenger out the back of the train, but kicked us all off so we wouldn't be witnesses? because that's what i think.

Number 2: What are the chances that Cat Deeley, host of So You Think You Can Dance, is just Blake Lively (aka Serena Van der Woodsen) putting on a British accent? I think the chances are highly likely.

Questions: GG Edition

Actually it's just one question...on tonight's episode of gossip girl, former bad girl serena told current bad boy chuck that because of her old ways, she now has to 'break 2000' on her SATs. now, forgive me if i'm old, but, isn't 1600 the highest score? i know they recently (as in, between when i graduated from high school and now...so maybe not so recently) added in an essay section and took out analogies...but is the total score higher now too? Are there kids walking around now that can say "oh i scored 1500 on my sat's" to those of us used to the 1600 scoring system and we can think they are really geniuses, but in actuality they aren't as smart as we thinks they are?


ANSWER: Dudes, i saved you all some trouble and looked it up meself -- the answer is YES, the scoring was changed. In 2005, when they added the writing section, they expanded the highest possible score to 2400, with each section being worth 800. This is kinda crazy actually. who knew that something we took for granted, like 1600 being the highest sat score, could actually be completely different for three years without us realizing it? and by us i mean me. thanks wikipedia!

also, if you're curious about those snotty aforementioned make-believe kids that were bragging about their 1500 sat score, when you factor in the inflation, it's actually more like a 1000. rest easy, the world isn't being taken over by geniuses.

Questions...with Sara

I took a different route home from the train today because i had to stop by the store to pick up some sour crizzle for the amazing beef and chipotle burritos i made yesterday and I passed a Carvel with a huge sign with big letters in the window proclaiming:

WEDNESDAYS BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. ANYTHING!!!!!

Underneath it was a smaller sign with smaller letters:

Except hard ice cream and cakes


Here's my question: What the hell besides hard ice cream and cakes can you get at Carvel?

Tales of Brooklyn Wooing

When it comes to random guys in nyc catcalling or mumbling something like "i'll show you what you're missing baby" as they pass, i think my good friend cyanide put it best when she said that it's something that you never quite get used to around here. in general, i hate it. it does not make me feel pretty or loved. sometimes, the things a dude comes up with are pretty hilarious and i will laugh out loud (or LOL) as i pass them....it's like, if you had one sentence to try and woo some random girl passing you in the street, you'd think you'd come up with something better than "hey baby" or "i likes what i sees*" (*- this one unfortunately has never personally happened to me, but a girl can dream)...it's like...do they really think i'm gonna turn on a dime, throw my arms around them and say "wow, nobody has ever said anything that romantic to me before! i'm all yours!" who does it benefit? but i digress...so yeah, usually it's annoying, sometimes its hilarious, if they catch me at the right time it might make my day a little better, but this rarely happens. however, if you throw in free stuff, we're in a whole new ballgame.

my love of subway sandwiches is no secret, so you can imagine my joy when i moved into a new neighborhood last summer and found a subway sandwich shoppe a mere three blocks from my apartment. (coincidentally, there is also a subway train station at the same place. imagine the possible hilarious mixups!) however, i've been turned off from this subway since it seems to have erratic, fly-by-night hours. twice i've gone there before nine, with the flourescent sign flashing open, gotten one foot in the door, and some 18 year old worker is in there chatting up some girls as he turns to the door and says 'we're closed'. shady, i know. unfortunately, since i got back from my trip sunday night to an empty refrigerator, haven't had time to make it to the grocery store, and have already exhausted the only two other food options in my neighbeehood that i'm aware of, i thought i'd give the subway a try. after all, i was going before 8, and no subway in its right mind would close by then. i walk over and see the open sign, fully expecting to have to just pick something up at the grocery store anyway, walk in and see the 18 year old kid stacking chairs and cleaning and start to get discouraged. i make it through the door and all the way into the eatery without anyone telling me that it's closed. success! i wait behind some other dudes in line as a sandwich artiste i've never seen before keeps eyeing me whilst serving them. when my turn comes, he keeps shooting me smiles and being overly friendly. i coach myself to be prepared to respond that i have a boyfriend (being perpetually single and having an aversion to lying, i get myself in a lot of awkward situations). he asks if i'm spanish, i respond that i'm mexican. he then says "beautiful...you're beautiful" so i thank him and tell him what toppings i'd like. he then says "well someone has to tell you." i thank him again and ask for mayo. he finishes up my sandwich and rings it up, totalling a mysteriously low $4.00. i pull my hands out of my pockets to get my wallet and he says "oh so you don't have one. i was waiting to see your hand." great, now i have to start wearing a fake wedding ring around. i'm at that age. he continues "well you can take me out anytime." i laugh uncomfortably. i pay my four dollars and he gives me a huge drink cup for free. i thank him again and go to fill up my deliciously free large beverage. i turn to leave and he says "want any cookies or chips?". I respond 'no thanks. maybe next time.'

ok great. i got some free shit and could've had more. cool. but if this goes the way of the gyro man from park slope, i might have one less eatery in kensington. i guess my question is this: do i get myself in these situations because i just can't bring myself to lie to a stranger about an imaginary significant other, because i accept free gifts (who wouldn't?), or because i unnecessarily offer hope for a future? or like, all of the above?

Questions: The Somethingth-somethingth Annual Golden Globes

According to this People.com article, presenters and nominated actors for this Sunday's Golden Globes are refusing to cross the picket lines. This leaves me with a couple of questions.

1 - Will the presenters most likely keep their gift bags newayz?
2 - What will the actual televised show be like, since the GG's have also stopped using a host? Will it just be a shot of a lone golden globe award, sitting on the stage behind a microphone for three hours (interrupted only by the Best Reality TV award of course...is there even one of those at the Golden Globes?)?
3 - Will the show still probably run long? (yes)
4 - Will the writers on the planned picket lines at least be dressed up so we can have SOME gowns to talk about?
5 - Can i go onstage and accept a golden globe for someone?
6 - Can we please stop giving awards to Medium's Patricia Arquette? I mean, seriously, love the show, but her snaggletoothed acting is certainly something that counts against it.
7 - Do you think those actors and actresses that might get a first-time award this year will be really really sad about not being able to publicly thank the world and Jesus for their tremendous success?

FRC: ANTM - Model Wasteland

Heather is super bummed over Sarah's departure and is taking it a lot harder than any pervious oustings. The first Tyramail has the word aMUSE in it and chantal thinks that tyra is going to teach them how to be inspiring. if only it were that easy, chantal. benny ninja is back AGAIN and seriously, B, cool it. Thrice is enough. the girls have some sort of project runway challenge where they pair up with fashion design students and make a dress out of an existing large, matronly dress. oh yeah, make fun of the fatties now that sarah is gone. lisa's designer asks her about herself and she says she "likes to draw and show her legs." well, the stripper thing gets clearer and clearer each day, doesn't it. the winner of the challenge will appear in some jewelry ad in their holiday issue.

on the runway, the girls must tell the crowd some backstory about the design, which trips heather up. lisa also does miserably. bianca and jenah do well in my opinion, but the judges choose saleisha as a winner. she chooses bianca and lisa to be in the shoot with her. heather takes the judges criticism rather harshly and it affects her 'tude for the rest of the evening and for the next day's photo shoot.

there is some weird and stupid (and questionable..do they always shower together?) shower drama and heather flips her shit.

the girls go out to the desert (but not to, as a friend suggested, make a spice girls video) and are told that they will be photographed with a flaming car.

BIANCA - looks awesome...pigford-arc in full effect
HEATHER - is kind of lost. the poor challenge performance and evaluation killed her confidence, but its her first misstep. the pic is not terrible, but its definitely not her best.
CHANTAL - anything but modest. turns out a great photo though.
SALEISHA - her hair looks cute like this.
AMBREAL - go home!
JENAH - fab as usual. the pic is great.
LISA - does not do a fantastic job here.

there's more stupid shower shit that's just heather redirecting her frustration.

PANEL:
During the judge introductions, there are weird chinese dragon puppets randomly popping up in the background. then a big ol' lion comes prancing out. a chinese one that's really people, not like, mufasa. tyra announces that they are all going to china!!!! guys with swords come out, there is general ado. it's no "australia, hop to it!!" but she's trying. tyra breaks the news that someone still has to get the fuck out though. bianca is called first, followed by jenah, saleisha, chantal, and heather. its between lisa and ambreal. like there's any question. see ya ambreal.


so a few weeks ago, i was so fed up with dropping someone from my team who would then earn mad points, that i decided i would revert to my original team and leave it alone. well, i never reverted back to my original three (lisa, saleisha, heather) but i've left it alone with bianca, lisa, and heather. this team has gotten me some points, but my original three have really been raking it in recently and of course i'm kicking myself for not going back. my wife made a good point that commercials are next (and probs in a foreign language) which doesn't bode well for heather. since we're down to a low number, should i satart playing the game again? should i forgive jenah for being fug in real life and stunning in pics and just put her on my team already? does any of this matter? honestly though, i think it'll be between chantal and lisa going home next week...and i think the top three will be bianca, saleisha, and jenah. do you guys have top three predictions yet?

Questions...with Sara

There are loads of things i have questions about...and while i can usually find the answers after some extensive google research, sometimes i'm too lazy. or sometimes i want to see what real people think. and sometimes i just can't come up with the right word combo for a search engine. Here is today's question: what the hell happened to full opening credits?? I love a good credit sequence as much as the next guy (that loves credit sequences)...if it's a really good one, I can't even bring myself to fast forward through it. The top model opening is a guilty pleasure, the Deadwood opening is one of my all time favorites, and there's just something about the cold case theme. but i'm watching all these new shows and they're just offering me TITLE CARDS? what the eff man? I thought maybe it was just something they did with pilots or until they knew their shows would be around for a while. i've noticed though, that desperate housewives doesn't use their opening anymore, opting for that pic of the housewives with apples and 'created by marc cherry' as the only representation. Is this following the footsteps of Lost and Heroes? because really I need something more than just a title flash. Really good credit sequences add so much to the anticipation of the show, i think. The sequences for each season of the wire always deliver, keeping the song the same but covered by a different artist each year (come to think of it, HBO always has good openings). But i'm watching all these new shows, waiting for them to blow me away with awesome credits and they just tell me what the hell i'm watching. I know what i'm watching, i want to know who i'm watching-- names of the actors accompanied by sassy/funny/bad ass clips of that person. too much to ask?

Also something interesting...I just lifted up my keyboard wrist pad to place it in a more ideal location and under it I discovered a land of lost eyelashes. Why do they all travel to the same place? is it seen as cool, gelly, lash-refuge? do i lose a lot of eyelashes when i type?