pretty convincing trannies

Recently, I've been quite long-winded on the blog. what about? wellllll...

-- the fall premieres of new and returning tv shows

-- not letting life beat you down for the better blog

-- almost realizing my fear of dying in my apartment unbeknownst to anyone

-- the first case for ojos privados

-- my adventurous day returning shit

-- concern about lobsters

-- aunt flo and heather

-- bold birds

-- and finally, this week's episode of top model

the perils of living alone

the other night, i was reminded of my biggest fear of living alone -- being the victim of some freak (or normal) fatal accident in my own home, and nobody knowing i've perished. of course, that's just me getting all dramatic, but let me tell you what prompted this.

i was making myself some delicious chicken with artichoke and mushrooms for dinner after a long day at the cookie shoppe. i was tired and it was late, but i was thrilled for this tasty dinner. everything was going smoothly until it came to introducing the artichokes into the mix. you know how goya cans always seem like they've been sitting on your grocery shelf for at least 15 years? well, i had a goya can of artichokes with a pull tab top (like cat food). i started to open it, and it only came up a small amount before refusing to budge. i readjusted the placement of my hands, got ready to give it a big pull, and as i was thinking to myself "this is a bad idea", the top popped off in one fell swoop and lodged itself into my thumb. my immediate instinct was to fling the top across the room like a ninja star and cradle my burning thumb to my side. a second later i realized i was probably bleeding and didn't want to stain my beloved catwoman shirt, so i brought my hand out in front of me and checked out the damage.

and oh bloody blood was i bleeding. luckily i had already washed the dishes, so i could head over to the sink without getting my dna all over my plates. i shoved my thumb under running water but it just kept on bleeding -- i couldn't even tell how big the cut was. i think this is the point things probably got a little comical if you were watching the whole situation and were not me. i figured i probably needed to try and stop the bleeding so i reached up for a paper towel. my paper towel stand is set up to be easily accessible for my right hand, but not my left. so, i'm trying to rip a damn paper towel off with my left hand and not bleed all over the kitchen when i realize i have to flip my chicken so it won't burn. this will prove to be another daunting task for my left hand. it is also another comical scene because as i'm flipping, i'm trying to hold a bloody, paper towel-wrapped thumb above my heart. once the chicken is done, i turn the stove off, retrieve the can top from behind the refrigerator, glare at it and throw it away. I then go to sit down so i don't get lightheaded. at this point, i instant message cts (and real life) family member ricky, and tell him that if he doesn't hear from me in five minutes, i've fainted in a pool of my own blood.

fortunately, i was able to stop the bleeding long enough for me to throw a band-aid on (but there wasn't enough of a window for me to apply neosporin, MOM) and finish up my delicious dinner. this all happened on saturday night, and it was only today that i was able to take a look at the cut. it wasn't that large, but it was deep enough that (TMI alert!!) the wound hasn't closed yet and i can make it talk with a hilarious voice.

the moral of the story is: if you haven't heard from me in a while, assume that i am lying helpless on the floor and send assistance.

Subway Spotlight: Sleepy Sebastian

I boarded a train recently that was not too packed, but had a decent amount of people on it. The first thing I saw before the doors even opened was an entire row of seemingly empty seats. This was pretty exciting for me because something that i always do before the train doors open is scope out any available seats, mentally note the distance i am to each one as well as how many people might challenge me to those seats, and what said people's chances of beating me are. A complete row of seats eases the pressure of subway seat hunting.

The doors open, and I immediately head to the empty row. I am caught off guard by a man sleeping on all that empty space (approximately five seats). I quickly scan the area (i had not prepared a plan b, since plans a through e were that "empty row" of seats) , spot an empty seat, and take it as my own.

As we're riding, I see the amount of people that have to stand now because sleepy sebastian is resting his head here. They seem annoyed. I start getting annoyed for them, because if it weren't for my fine-tuned seat scoring skillz, i too would be standing. but then i thought of poor Esmin Green who died and was ignored. (:() So then i watched sleepy sebastian long enough to make sure he was breathing, which he was, and then continued to be annoyed at him on behalf of other people.

Irrational Fears

i have a lot of irrational fears and complexes -- like how i think that people don't remember who i am (i think i've actually discovered the root to this one) or how you can just say the word ghost to me and i'll walk around my apartment with all my lights on going 'I know you're theeeere, don't talk to meeee', but one that i think takes the cake is the feeling that i will perish in a freak accident. i'm always fascinated by these whenever i read about them -- a rollercoaster accident, a unique decapitation. I feel like, because i am so enthralled by these, it would only make sense that that's how i'll go. this is probably why i survived a mere car accident caused by black ice...too NORMAL!

needless to say, whenever i am near power tools (as much as i love playing with them), i have this fear that i somehow will be afflicted by some weird catastrophe...even if i'm not the one handling the power tools. ESPECIALLY if i'm not the one handling the power tools.

i was heading to work yesterday and there were a couple of burly men using a cylinder saw on the actual sidewalk concrete. First thought that went through my head? "That must be some blade, cutting through that cement..." Second thought? "That blade is going to fly off the saw, boomerang through the air, and slice my neck."

does anyone else have irrational fears??