FRC: The Pickup Artist - Episode 3

I'm sure we all remember that a few posts back, Sara made the startling decision to stop posting about The Pickup Artist because there is just not enough time.....and then we all had a nice cathartic cry. I however, am currently between jobs and have had plenty of time to watch TV - most notably, The Pickup Artist....so she has passed the torch along to me. I don't do many posts about TV, so it might not be quite right - but this is a learning process, a very public learning process. So bear with me.

Let's start with Episode 3!

Carl makes it through elimination because Kevin cursed too much. I curse a lot too, so if i were a contestant - this is probably where i would have been eliminated as well.

On to the biofeedback test - where the guys get hooked up to stress monitors and have to control themselves while a hot woman undresses in front of them. First thing I personally noticed about the woman.... why isn't this "external stimulus" wearing shoes? Only socks? It feels like they forgot a part of her costume.

Nothing exudes calm like this face:

Right ladies? Apparently watching "Nurse Samantha" makes Simeon look vaguely like a psychotic version of Kramer from Seinfeld.

Greg won, but I thought Todd should have. He was absolutely adorable throughout that entire challenge.

Hey look who's back? Well if it isn't Kosmo - hugs and inspirational quotes all around.

Then they learn pickup artist body language! Talking over the shoulder = only partially available = ladykiller!

Hey, check it out - mystery without a hat or sunglasses again! Now on to the elimination challenge - Greg gets to watch all the other guys attempts at picking up chicks because he won the biofeedback challenge. Brian is first - he talks to a group of women in his own goofy way.

Tara: She's offering him a condom, that's an I.O.I. if i ever saw one!
Matador: It's a bachelorette party.....(in his mind: duh, YOU IDIOT! Sigh - I miss my British friend from season 1)

Back to Brian.

Brian: "I would take you home, dip you in chocolate and throw tomato slices at you".
Girl: hahahaha, what the?!?!

Rian tries to pull away only 1 girl for some alone time instead of the whole group of girls and freaks her out. Todd does a great job and even gets a phone number. Matt is still wearing the boa - and making stupid comments about it. Seriously dude, just ditch the boa....it's doing you more harm than good. Simeon - like Brian, goes for the bachelorette party and tries to spin exactly the same girl, but gets shot down. Carl - ugh, the caper opening..it's so lame. Greg's turn! whoever writes the captions is awesome:


Oh caption person, you are so right - he TOTALLY has nervous nostrils! He's learned from watching the other guys mistakes from the van - and got a couple ladies to sit in the VIP section with him....and gets a phone #.

how did i not notice mystery's female renaissance fair outfit before?


Matt knows he hasn't done very well. For some reason, in all of his talking heads it seems like he's giving a lecture. His tone of voice gets old fast. Oh hey, big surprise...Rian's crying again!

Elimination - this week's medallion is Legu (no idea how to spell it) - which is a symbol for cleansing. Greg chooses to make Matt & Brian immune to elimination. This is good news for Matt, since they were going to give him the boot this week after his shoddy performance for the past couple challenges. mystery wants to know his strategy and greg gives some bullshit answer about how he sees strength in both of these guys - Todd totally called it earlier when he said that Greg was just choosing the weaker guys so that his competition can be put up on the chopping block. Mystery says that he was going to send Matt home this week, but since he's immune - he's staying. Which means, someone who doesn't quite deserve it has to go home.

It's down to Carl and Rian - in all honestly, the thing that destroys Carl in the end is that terrible caper opener. Man they need to take this out of their repetiore of pickup lines. Hey, i think Rian's crying again! Tara looks vaguely like Vanessa Williams on Ugly Betty here.


And Carl gets eliminated, this poor guy never got a break. He was up for elimination at all 3 elimination ceremonies at his time on the show, but he did seem to make some improvement. hey, remember when you got your hair highlighted? that was fun..now get the fuck out.


To quote Mystery - it was a kickass run brother. Kisses!

Inaugural Oh! Lympics*

The fortuitous convergence of complete control over my television watching (yay for solo living!) and an enormous amount of free time has resulted in me really enthusiastically throwing myself into the 2008 Beijing Olympics. I've always loved the olympics, both winter and summer. i remember when i was a little kid, i would pretend to skate around on a mattress pad while the competition was going on. however, this is the first year that i've REALLY gotten into it. thanks to dvr and my penchant for making complicated schedules, i've mapped out everything that i want to watch and when it's on. i started by watching the full opening ceremony (okay, i ff'd through a few countries i never heard of, but i paused for the hottt ones. serbia, anyone?), and the next day tentatively stuck my toe in uncharted waters. I started out on saturday by only watching the main nbc channel, and it was then that i would discover i apparently enjoy watching volleyball. interesting, since it's one of my least favorite sports to play. from that, i moved on to beach volleyball---there was comfort in familiarity but still the intrigue of something new. after this, i had an epiphany-- if it turns out that i like watching volleyball (and apparently football), how many other sports that i brushed off would i be able to get into?

a lot, it turns out. i went to the nbc olympics website and looked at all my different sports options. i knocked out ones that i figured would be boring to watch (sorry rowers and archers) and then checked out when my chosen ones would air and on which channel. then i set my dvr in blocks to record everything that i might be into, prelim matches and heats included. I DO THIS EVERY DAY NOW. i am up to my ears in glorious olympics and i feel so in the know!

so here's my point - there are some really hilarious things that happen when you watch hours and hours of olympics all day every day, and most of them have to do with the commentators. there was a period of time i considered live blogging what i was watching, but i figured that would just be too extravagant and unnecessary. so i decided to feature comments every once in a while that really tickle me.

There were quite a few from the past two days, but I only remember a couple, so we'll kick this feature off with double the fun:

#1 - Finals, Women's 30m platform Synchronized Diving. China is kicking ass with their amazing (read: robot) synchro divers. these girls are tiny little carbon copies of each other, and when they enter the water, there is barely any splash. canada comes up to dive, and one of their girls is a little thicker than the rest. she is definitely not chunky, definitely not fat, but she is noticeably bigger. through two jumps, the female commentator is like, subtly calling her a fat ass! after they dove, she mentioned that it's harder for them to avoid making a splash because the "Chinese are so slight". After the Canadians' last dive, which was not great, the commentator described the splash the bigger girl made as a tidal wave.
bold.

#2 - Prelim Softball USA vs. Venezuela. Another lady commentator, talking about a specific player who is fond of pranking. apparently, when this player has chalk on her hand, she likes to put the hand print on as many backs as possible, once even doing it on President Bush. With the following quote, she was demonstrating that the player had done this to her many times, but when you take how she worded it, how she said it (man i wish everyone else had heard this because it doesn't have the same effect in written form) and the stereotype of softball players (Team USA wouldn't win all the softball gold medals if Lesbinonia had a team, ifyouknowwhatimean), it makes for an amazing exchange:

** i didn't really know the proper punctuation to convey the feeling of this sentence, but basically after each phrase, she was trying to correct herself, but it just kept getting worse

so, lady commentator is talking about how she's not realized that pranky player has handed her until later, when she finds the hand prints on "all different areas--all different shirts--on the back--oh god"

SHE LITERALLY SAID OH GOD AT THE END OF THAT RAMBLY SENTENCE!!!!

go america.

*thanks to CtS family member Bill, who won the title contest!

why our generation is completely screwed up.

I always thought that our generation was so messed up because we watched too much tv, but after revisiting sesame street....I now understand that it is because of the kind of tv we watched.



(i know this video has been around for a while, but it's too great to not post about)