WRC: RoLB - we hardly knew ye

previously: natasha was too much like a buddy to bret. a male buddy. bret banged ashley, charming her by telling her that he liked her in a hot sexy girlfriend way. three new girls were introduced to the tour, but i still haven't learned their names. except i know kami is the fuggo.

the brunettes hate the blonds. the blonds think the brunettes are fat.

one of the new girls (who wears a pancake layer of makeup to bed, apparently) starts to miss her recently deceased father and questions going on the show. better not let bret hear that. the girls head to nashville and are asked to even out their buses. brittanya, formerly of pink, deflects to the blue bus, where she should have been in the first place, obviously, with her brunette head. kami (also a brown head) changes buses as well.

Bret's Mudbowl! Yes! I hope no one pops an implant today. something hilarious is that the closest thing the pink team has to a natural blond is kelsey, who has light brown hair. but there's such brunette hatred. i guess we get to see what these bitches look like pre-peroxide when this mud gets everywhere. teams are split up by bus, and the winning team gets a group date, while the MVP (who can come from either team) gets a sleepover date. i would lose on purpose. these bitches are vicious. they kick each other's asses, of course ripping clothes off along the way. it looks like mindy might be headed to MVPville. the game goes on forever. blue bus finally wins and the MVP is between ashley and mindy. mindy gets the mini trophy and the dallas date.

there is more drama about new blond's dead dad. meanwhile, the dallas date bret took mindy on is just a bret michaels concert. man, he loves himself. they go back to the hotel. there's making out, there's leopard print lingerie, i'm thoroughly disgusted.

so, mindy comes back from her date and the girls spew hate rays at her. bret is in high spirits until Something Happens. He gets a letter saying a buddy was killed in Iraq. I'm kinda getting the feeling this guys was less a buddy and more a fan. insensitive? maybe. true? i'm pretty sure of it.

all the girls on the winning team, save for mindy, get to meet up with bret. he tells them about his buddy and reveals this was a guy he "got close with" during his three week visit to iraq. so i was kinda right. everyone is all downer now. bret requests some time with brittanya. again, he tries to get her to talk, and again she says nothing. she is so dumb. like, there is nothing going on in there. at least she knows it.

jenny (new blond) spills her guts to bret about her dead pa. bret barely keeps his eyes open but is all "i'm listenin', i'm listenin'"

eliminations. bret calls taya first. mindy is all "i thought Bret gave the first pass to the girl he's feelin' the most, so where's my pass?" which translates to "bret always gives the first pass to the one he banged the night before, so where's my pass?" mindy is called second. maybe taya snuck into his room. next, bret calls kami (? why), beverly, jamie, ashley, and farrah. this leaves Brittanya, jenny, and kelsey. kelsey is safe. so, it's between the hot idiot and the dad drama. bret calls brittanya and asks her if she wants to be there. she's smart enough to know to answer him this time, but dumb enough to say yes. brittanya gets the final pass, and jenny goes home. and i finally learned her name.

ha! instead of walking jenny off the set, bret walks her back to the platform and then peaces out with big john. ha. what a gent.