WRC: RoLB - Tchau

Previously - hockey, strippers, Lacey, and crazy brittaney/jasmineva got the boot.

big john gathers everyone around and says that maria had some medical condition and needed to be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. yuh oh. i wonder if it had anything to do with how often she stated she was an ex-model. i was pretty repetitious when i had a concussion. big john's all "bret's going to bang her in her hospital bed and then we out." tour must go on, i guess. she probably would've won.

the girls head to chicago where they (and we) yet again have to endure Bret's "show". marcia, as usual, starts drinking early. she also has bruises all over her. what a mess. they are all actually wearing lingerie for this daytime event. for the challenge, they must dismantle and pack a stage in two teams. winning team gets a date and vip treatment. marcia is the odd girl out after teams are chosen, so not only does she not have to do the challenge, but she'll get vip treatment with the winning team. oh piss, i think someone's gonna pee herself. oh, she makes it to the bathroom. phew.

OH SNAP!! Bwahahahaha... So taya ex-penthouse is wrapping cords and directing people like a pro, and bret's telling her to be careful, because she's too sexy for him to lose, and she backs straight of the platform. haha. ouch. i rewind and rewatch about seven times. and then vh1 replays it another five. awesome. she gets right back up all "it's coo" with like, little birdies flying around her head. then she maniacally pulls things apart whilst crying. again, i must repeat, they're all in lingerie.

marcia, idiot, pulls bret aside and tells him she's not in love with him. well, duh, dummy, but you don't tell him. he's just a fragile old man. the red team -- ashley, brittanya, natasha and beverly join marcia for VIP treatment.

have i mentioned that marcia's boobs have been blurred in every frame she's in this challenge? they get lavished with gifts. the losing team gets four cell phones and whoever has the phone that rings bret michael's latest tune (aka the RoL theme song) wins a slot with the VIPs. so basically, bret could only get 6 backstage passes to his own show, and this was the roundabout way of determining the 6. kelsey is the winningest of the losers and poor farrah is stuck with lameoids taya and mindy. she can use the time to think of new catchphrases.

my suspicions were correct! this IS the Rock of Love Bus Tour. i think bret was like "send me on a tour and i'll bang some bitches on camera for you." but neither would exist without the other. what a paradox. like the chicken and the egg. uh oh. marcia gives away her VIP bracelet gift to some random crowd member.

so, bret's a tired old man. he goes to take a nap while his band parties with the girls. ashley spots beverly kissing bret's drummer (after kissing farrah herself, but in bret's world, that doesn't count)

the vips go on their date to some brewery to sample 'bret's brew'. bret brings up beverly and the drummer and she awkwardly denies any memory of that. then he is told of marcia's regifting.

eliminations. beverly thinks she's out. first up is ashley. ashley looks like a mix of Ev from the RR/RW challenge and ellie from degrassi. farrah, natasha, and kelsey are all safe. don't worry guys, all blondes are in. taya is in. at the very least for that spectacular fall. brittanya is also safe. bret sends big john and the remaining passes away, so that everyone thinks three people are getting cut. he gets all dramatic, but eventually saves beverly and mindy. which means brazil is out! as tom cruise would say, Adios!