wake me up before you go-go

As you all know I’ve never really been a coffee drinker. This is hurting me right now as I am nearing the end of my latest 16-day workathon. For starters, I look like shit right now. I could be straight out of the Nightmare Before Christmas or Corpse Bride. I should put curtains over all the mirrors in my apartment. I caught a glimpse of my visage this morning before leaving for the day and I almost yelped in fear. I think this is probably the longest streak I’ve done...I did 12 days a couple weeks ago, but 16 is a harsh mistress. I seem to be mildly narcoleptic, falling asleep whenever I’m seated. I get a nice nap in on the hour commute to and from times square, I’m still passing out on my couch whilst trying to whittle down my dvr list, and the other day I came very, very close to falling asleep sitting at the computer. At work. In my defense, the floor I work on keeps the lights off and the temperature down. So I was snuggled in my scarf. I also wear these big headphones so it’s like I was shut out from the world, in a cold scarfy womb.

Because of this, I was faced with a dilemma. I needed to wake up. Since I quit the daily drinking of Coke (and the fountain soda offered in the building is usually less than impressive), that option flew out the window. The Energy Vitamin Water that I normally count on to wake me up (and take me to the pee room at least seven times throughout the day) wasn’t available where I purchased my bagel that morning. I headed to the pantry to check out my options. My first choice, delicious Milky Way hot chocolate, did nothing but fill my stomach with deliciousness. Before breaking out the big guns (and possibly a slew of other problems) by getting myself a cup of coffee, I opted for some green tea. You should also know that I’m not really a tea drinker either. However, it did the job with only the minor side effect of bad green tea breath.

I have three and a half more days to crawl through. If any of you see me (or have seen me in the last two weeks), please don’t be frightened. Soon I will be whole again. aka not scary looking.

crazy brain

i've had a long busy week, so my tired deliriousness set in around wednesday and has been with me since. thursday was the worst day for me mentally. by the end of the day, my brain was fuzzy, i couldn't complete sentences, and my eyes were at perma-half mast. so imagine what kind of real/imaginary crisis i went through when i spotted each of the following things:

- on my walk to the train i passed a dude in an elmo costume and another in a bugs. bugs was pretty short, which was hilarious..but what weirded me out was that i couldn't really tell what they were promoting. and usually, when you're on mascot duty, you have some sort of handler around you to help you navigate whilst walking (i know from experience)...this is actually one of my favorite things in life to see because its essentially two adults who probably aren't that close, holding hands and walking. and one is in a big furry suit. anywho, these guys had no handlers. and they were kind of being roughly messed around with by some rowdy people. i felt so sad for them. and confused.

- i passed a shell gas station with a huge sign advertising FREE MICROFIBER TOWEL WITH PURCHASE. the picture had three towels in primary colors and at the bottom said "COLLECT ALL THREE!". this struck me as so odd at the time, but i guess now it makes sense for people who like...have cars...and wash them...i guess.


- also in the middle of times square, a giant half globe and a zen garden. i actually knew what this was about because my friends worked on it, so it didn't strike me as odd, but i'm trying to stick to the rule of three here.

Help Me Stupid Responds!

Dear Sleepy as Shit in the City,

My oh my, are you preaching to the choir here. As you mentioned, it's wonderful to have more light in the day, however Daylight Savings Time can really fuck one's life up, especially for those of us that originally hail from a state where they don't partake in this clock switching activity. I know I personally have been walking around like a Zombie Stripper ever since I was pleased at myself for finishing a project at 2 am, and then one second later it was 3 am. Let me share with you some words of advice and some helpful tips that work out well for me.

First and foremost, don't keep last week's night hours and this week's day hours. This results in a one hour loss of sleep. Also, while it's easy to say "Oh, it's 2am right now, but REALLY it's 1am" when you're going to bed, it does not work as well when you stroll into your office an hour late and use that line on your boss.

Secondly, I recommend getting at least 11 - 13 hours of sleep per night, to make sure you're fully rested, and don't forget to take a multivitamin every morning.

I find that keeping a chafing tray full of hot water in front of your keyboard is a great deterrant for the sleepys. If you end up nodding off at your desk, the scalding water on your face will wake you up right quick*. I would also recommend hiring someone to run up to you at random intervals and surprise slap you. You should probably utilize this method only in dire situations, as these individuals charge by the hour. If all else fails, might I suggest Cocaine?



Hope this helps, you lazy slacker!

xoxo,
Stupid


*cooler than stupid is not responsible for any burns suffered from employing this method.

Help me Stupid #2

Dear stupid,

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that it's staying lighter out later, but i am dead tired. So tired in fact, that I think i may be dreaming that I am writing this letter right now. Stupid, do you have any tips on helping me beat this nasty case of the sleepys?!

merci......de455roetpo5ju508-77n0 000e455555555555555555555555555555555555555....ooops sorry, passed out on the keyboard for a second.

sleepy as shit in the city