Help Me Stupid Responds!

Dear Sleepy as Shit in the City,

My oh my, are you preaching to the choir here. As you mentioned, it's wonderful to have more light in the day, however Daylight Savings Time can really fuck one's life up, especially for those of us that originally hail from a state where they don't partake in this clock switching activity. I know I personally have been walking around like a Zombie Stripper ever since I was pleased at myself for finishing a project at 2 am, and then one second later it was 3 am. Let me share with you some words of advice and some helpful tips that work out well for me.

First and foremost, don't keep last week's night hours and this week's day hours. This results in a one hour loss of sleep. Also, while it's easy to say "Oh, it's 2am right now, but REALLY it's 1am" when you're going to bed, it does not work as well when you stroll into your office an hour late and use that line on your boss.

Secondly, I recommend getting at least 11 - 13 hours of sleep per night, to make sure you're fully rested, and don't forget to take a multivitamin every morning.

I find that keeping a chafing tray full of hot water in front of your keyboard is a great deterrant for the sleepys. If you end up nodding off at your desk, the scalding water on your face will wake you up right quick*. I would also recommend hiring someone to run up to you at random intervals and surprise slap you. You should probably utilize this method only in dire situations, as these individuals charge by the hour. If all else fails, might I suggest Cocaine?



Hope this helps, you lazy slacker!

xoxo,
Stupid


*cooler than stupid is not responsible for any burns suffered from employing this method.

Help me Stupid #2

Dear stupid,

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that it's staying lighter out later, but i am dead tired. So tired in fact, that I think i may be dreaming that I am writing this letter right now. Stupid, do you have any tips on helping me beat this nasty case of the sleepys?!

merci......de455roetpo5ju508-77n0 000e455555555555555555555555555555555555555....ooops sorry, passed out on the keyboard for a second.

sleepy as shit in the city

Crazy Old Coot

There is an old (i would guess maybe 70's-ish) lady that lives in my apartment building. She lives on my floor in an apartment next to mine, and I'm pretty sure that she lives alone. It took me a long time to discern this because every once in a while, she flips her shit. She'll open the door to her abode, yell some nonsensical stuff (the same thing every time...a three "word" phrase that i can't even attempt to transcribe, but if it were morse code, it would be a dot dot dash...in that it's the same word forcefully said twice, and then a longer concluding word that really drives it home) and then slam the door. 5 - 10 minutes later, she'll do this again. This can go on for hours. Sometimes she does it every few days, sometimes its every couple of weeks. For a long time, i thought she was arguing domestically with someone. I eventually realized that the yelling is not directed at anyone. Whenever i see her she seems like a perfectly nice adorable old lady...however, I have been caught in the awkward position of either exiting or entering my apartment while she's about to go off. She is conscious enough of the goings on to just kind of stand there with her door open until i pass, and then continue with her crazy talk. i do my best to avoid this situation anyway, by waiting at my door until she does the yelling, and then running out in the spare minutes i have between.

Ok, so now that you're all caught up with this crazy old coot, let's get to the meat and potatoes of this post, shall we? Whenever my old lady neighbor goes into one of these inexplicable spells (oh also...i assume that this lady has lived in this building a really long time, because others [there are a lot of lifers that live here] don't seem to bat an eye whenever this happens) its usually during the day or evening hours. Last night, she did it at...judging by how deep of a sleep i was yanked out of, around 4 or 5 am. in the morning. and it was LOUD. she was angrier than previous times and i could tell was putting all her old lady effort into projecting and guttural yelling. this went on for SO LONG too. i kept fading in and out of sleep, but the fact that i could hear very clearly her through two doors and over music prevented me from really falling asleep again while this was happening. I'd say about an hour passed and i could not come up with anything that i could possibly do to make this stop. i wasn't going to yell at or hit an old lady, but i also wasn't going to confront a crazy for fear that she would pull a knife or walker on me. Finally, after the hour (or more) i heard someone trying to calm her down. i couldn't hear the conversation, i'm not sure how anything got resolved...all i know is that the nightmarish screaming that was giving me murderous thoughts had ceased (until next time at least). do you guys think next time it happens i should dart out of my apartment, spray her with a water bottle, and then run back in? or do you have any better suggestions?