shoppe rant

there are a lot of customers at the shoppe that are ridiculous. the things they do or say give a coworker and i plenty of material for a web series we dream about writing. i've tried to refrain from talking about any of that stuff here, because, well...i try to be considerate. when a lady came in and directed her entire order and ensuing conversation to herself in the mirror over my shoulder, i refrained. when i got a call for an order and was given attitude by a lady who actually said the following sentence to me: "What kind of child would want a cake without cookies on it?!", i refrained. when a lady had me put together 8 boxes of various items, topping them each off with a hand-tied ribbon, but opted to leave no tip (not even change!), i refrained. but at this point, all i have are recaps on this blog and that just won't do.

if anyone asked me who my least favorite customer was, i would have an answer without hesitation. without fail, this person comes in 15 minutes before closing to order a cappuccino and takes his sweet time drinking it, sometimes ordering a second even after we've closed (and preventing me from breaking down the espresso machine). there are a bunch of other things he does that i won't get into, lest he somehow make it to this blog and get revenge by throwing a cappuccino in my face, but just know that seeing him immediately puts me in a bad mood.

as i was sweeping the shoppe today, trying to get ahead of my closing duties, i thought to myself "Self, I bet you anything ****** will come in today. things are going too smoothly." sure enough, he walks in. he was waiting for his girlfriend (who i have no problem with), and even though i tried to get him to order so we could get the ball rolling with this, he insisted on waiting for her. after about ten minutes, he decided that he would get his cappuccino and a few snacks while he was waiting. at this point, three other customers had come in. i was helping the first when he told me he was ready to order, so i went to him while the other two waited in line. he told me what he wanted, and i went into speed mode, so my line guys wouldn't be waiting too long.

i grab my milk pitcher, saucer and cup before pulling the shot so that this drink will be quickly made and i can move on to the awaiting people. then he tells me this: "Umm, excuse me, your fingernail touched my cup, can you give me another one?" i couldn't mask my disgust for this man any longer. my response, in my most sarcastic, disbelieving voice was this: "My fingernail? Touched your cup?" He proceeded to show me exactly how my fingernail had touched the inside of his cup, so i laughed (and not in a "you're funny" way but more in a "you're an idiot" way), put his cup back at the top of the machine, did some overexaggerating pulling down the next cup, being sure to keep my fingers and nails off all parts of the inside, and got to shot pulling. usually at this point, i swallow everything and forget about it. but this time i could not. i say to him "my hands are clean" as i'm rushing through his order, still thinking of the awaiting people.

(*Side note - whenever i have a line at the shoppe, all i can think of is when i would play Sim Tower and my people would be waiting for an elevator and they would turn pink then red with anger at the amount of time they were waiting. in my mind, if anyone is waiting, they are inevitably pink or red.)

so then he starts trying to mumble justify this. "Don't take offense" I tell him that i wasn't offended. "It's not you, it's other people. What they bring in. When you touch something, or touch the ground..." Well, okay, now i am offended that you think I would do cartwheels all over the shoppe and not wash my hands. what baffles me is that this guy thinks i'm rubbing my hands on dirt and touching cups and plates, when we are all really good about washing our hands multiple times throughout the day. he says "most people wouldn't have noticed it" as part of his justification and like...what the fuck? how is that supposed to make anything better? THEN he says "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is." i remained silent through all this mumbling, but what i wanted to say was "do you know how it is? do you know how ANNOYING it is when you WASTE my time like this when i've got a line of RED PEOPLE?!" how is that a justification?!? how is "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is" a justification for asking for a new cup because my FINGERNAIL GRAZED the inside of his cup?! ARGH!!

while i was helping the red people, his girlfriend came in. after everything quieted down, i started feeling bad for kind of showing that i was a little miffed. so i overcompensated by being super nice. then i felt even worse when they actually left before closing (for once) and the girlfriend acknowledged that they usually stay late, so they were going to cut it short this time so i could get to closing. this is why i could never be a full time asshole, i'd feel bad about it most of the time.