tips in the shoppe have been a little lower than norm in the past month or so. i blame it on summer break -- we have no after school rush. it's great to be mostly kid-free, but it also slows down the tip jar. i have recently come up with a master plan; a double attack strategy to coax out the dollars (or cents. i'll take cents. they add up.)
step one - cut a hole in a box. oh wait. no not that plan. step one - maximum cleavage. before i leave the house, i do the bend check. since i do a lot of leaning over and bending in the shop, i try to make sure that you can't see my belly button through my neckline when i do so. anything else goes. i also try and factor in other people's height, so it doesn't get too scandalous for the work place, but that's kind of difficult seeing as 86%* of the world is taller than i.
step two - flirt city. i used to think that i never flirted with anybody. then one day i realized that it was kind of more like i flirted with everybody. so, to a certain extent, i use this in Operation Tip Jar. and by "to a certain extent" i mean "mainly with hot people". not that i think hot people will tip me more, i just hate writing checks i'd rather not cash ifyouknowwhatimean. and also, i have a tendency to pick up stalkers just by being friendly. who knows what trouble i could get myself into†.
anyway, on that rather superficial note-- a short anecdote from the day's cookie hustle:
i received a call at the shoppe, and answered with my standard greeting, "Ye Olde Shoppe, this is Sara"^. the voice on the other end said "Hi, Sara", proceeded to ask me to put aside some whoopie pies under the name Keri, and said that she'd be by in about 20 minutes to pick them up. I put the cookies aside for her and then kind of forgot about it. I started in on my closing duties, occasionally interrupted by a customer or two, but nobody i could be super friendly with because i'm getting only older or underaged, gay and/or married. as i'm finishing up with a man and his two (not underaged, but probably not old enough) kids, the front entrance bell rings. i quickly glance over, notice what seems to be a very pretty lady, and then turn back to the man. as i'm saying my standard "thanks" and "have a good one", my brain is like 'umm...pretty sure that pretty lady is keri russell'. so then i turn to the lady that just entered, and it is indeed her. she says "hi, i'm keri." and my mind says "i know this, but why are you telling me?" she then proceeds to say that she called a little while ago about the whoopie pies. oh! it all comes together.
anyway, the whole point of this story is that now i can totally tell everyone that i've had a phone conversation with keri russell.
*rough estimate
†this implies that no hot people are stalkers. i like to believe this is true, even though i know from experience that it isn't
^may vary slightly from my standard greeting
Showing posts with label ye olde shoppe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ye olde shoppe. Show all posts
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
latte art
no matter how hard i try-- how many times i practice, how many videos i watch, how many times i watch someone else do it -- i cannot for the life of me make a damn leaf in a cup of coffee. my shoppe doesn't require that we are arteests with our steamed milk...it's not like i'm going to get fired for not ever being able to produce a leaf...but i think it would be a neat skill to break out at parties. coffee parties.
even though i know i can't make a leaf, every time i make a latte, i try. i do exactly what those videos and the real people told me to do, hoping the leaf will one day show up. since this never happens, i kind of just get creative at the end of the milk pour and freehand a design. it's edgier than a leaf. so there. once i accidentally made a happy face. usually, i like to guess what i've made. a rabbit on the run, a duck, a cloud. one time, my freehand design looked like a vag painting. so i joked to my coworker that it was the georgia o'keefe special.
unfortunately, all my freehand modern art latte designs are one of a kind, and can't be recreated. this was most unfortunate later in the day, when christine marinoni came into the shop (presumably to buy a nice treat for her lady). as was pointed out by the aforementioned coworker, had i been able to do it again, i could've confidently (and appropriately) (or...inappropriately) offered her the GO'K spesh.
even though i know i can't make a leaf, every time i make a latte, i try. i do exactly what those videos and the real people told me to do, hoping the leaf will one day show up. since this never happens, i kind of just get creative at the end of the milk pour and freehand a design. it's edgier than a leaf. so there. once i accidentally made a happy face. usually, i like to guess what i've made. a rabbit on the run, a duck, a cloud. one time, my freehand design looked like a vag painting. so i joked to my coworker that it was the georgia o'keefe special.
unfortunately, all my freehand modern art latte designs are one of a kind, and can't be recreated. this was most unfortunate later in the day, when christine marinoni came into the shop (presumably to buy a nice treat for her lady). as was pointed out by the aforementioned coworker, had i been able to do it again, i could've confidently (and appropriately) (or...inappropriately) offered her the GO'K spesh.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
shoppe rant
there are a lot of customers at the shoppe that are ridiculous. the things they do or say give a coworker and i plenty of material for a web series we dream about writing. i've tried to refrain from talking about any of that stuff here, because, well...i try to be considerate. when a lady came in and directed her entire order and ensuing conversation to herself in the mirror over my shoulder, i refrained. when i got a call for an order and was given attitude by a lady who actually said the following sentence to me: "What kind of child would want a cake without cookies on it?!", i refrained. when a lady had me put together 8 boxes of various items, topping them each off with a hand-tied ribbon, but opted to leave no tip (not even change!), i refrained. but at this point, all i have are recaps on this blog and that just won't do.
if anyone asked me who my least favorite customer was, i would have an answer without hesitation. without fail, this person comes in 15 minutes before closing to order a cappuccino and takes his sweet time drinking it, sometimes ordering a second even after we've closed (and preventing me from breaking down the espresso machine). there are a bunch of other things he does that i won't get into, lest he somehow make it to this blog and get revenge by throwing a cappuccino in my face, but just know that seeing him immediately puts me in a bad mood.
as i was sweeping the shoppe today, trying to get ahead of my closing duties, i thought to myself "Self, I bet you anything ****** will come in today. things are going too smoothly." sure enough, he walks in. he was waiting for his girlfriend (who i have no problem with), and even though i tried to get him to order so we could get the ball rolling with this, he insisted on waiting for her. after about ten minutes, he decided that he would get his cappuccino and a few snacks while he was waiting. at this point, three other customers had come in. i was helping the first when he told me he was ready to order, so i went to him while the other two waited in line. he told me what he wanted, and i went into speed mode, so my line guys wouldn't be waiting too long.
i grab my milk pitcher, saucer and cup before pulling the shot so that this drink will be quickly made and i can move on to the awaiting people. then he tells me this: "Umm, excuse me, your fingernail touched my cup, can you give me another one?" i couldn't mask my disgust for this man any longer. my response, in my most sarcastic, disbelieving voice was this: "My fingernail? Touched your cup?" He proceeded to show me exactly how my fingernail had touched the inside of his cup, so i laughed (and not in a "you're funny" way but more in a "you're an idiot" way), put his cup back at the top of the machine, did some overexaggerating pulling down the next cup, being sure to keep my fingers and nails off all parts of the inside, and got to shot pulling. usually at this point, i swallow everything and forget about it. but this time i could not. i say to him "my hands are clean" as i'm rushing through his order, still thinking of the awaiting people.
(*Side note - whenever i have a line at the shoppe, all i can think of is when i would play Sim Tower and my people would be waiting for an elevator and they would turn pink then red with anger at the amount of time they were waiting. in my mind, if anyone is waiting, they are inevitably pink or red.)
so then he starts trying to mumble justify this. "Don't take offense" I tell him that i wasn't offended. "It's not you, it's other people. What they bring in. When you touch something, or touch the ground..." Well, okay, now i am offended that you think I would do cartwheels all over the shoppe and not wash my hands. what baffles me is that this guy thinks i'm rubbing my hands on dirt and touching cups and plates, when we are all really good about washing our hands multiple times throughout the day. he says "most people wouldn't have noticed it" as part of his justification and like...what the fuck? how is that supposed to make anything better? THEN he says "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is." i remained silent through all this mumbling, but what i wanted to say was "do you know how it is? do you know how ANNOYING it is when you WASTE my time like this when i've got a line of RED PEOPLE?!" how is that a justification?!? how is "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is" a justification for asking for a new cup because my FINGERNAIL GRAZED the inside of his cup?! ARGH!!
while i was helping the red people, his girlfriend came in. after everything quieted down, i started feeling bad for kind of showing that i was a little miffed. so i overcompensated by being super nice. then i felt even worse when they actually left before closing (for once) and the girlfriend acknowledged that they usually stay late, so they were going to cut it short this time so i could get to closing. this is why i could never be a full time asshole, i'd feel bad about it most of the time.
if anyone asked me who my least favorite customer was, i would have an answer without hesitation. without fail, this person comes in 15 minutes before closing to order a cappuccino and takes his sweet time drinking it, sometimes ordering a second even after we've closed (and preventing me from breaking down the espresso machine). there are a bunch of other things he does that i won't get into, lest he somehow make it to this blog and get revenge by throwing a cappuccino in my face, but just know that seeing him immediately puts me in a bad mood.
as i was sweeping the shoppe today, trying to get ahead of my closing duties, i thought to myself "Self, I bet you anything ****** will come in today. things are going too smoothly." sure enough, he walks in. he was waiting for his girlfriend (who i have no problem with), and even though i tried to get him to order so we could get the ball rolling with this, he insisted on waiting for her. after about ten minutes, he decided that he would get his cappuccino and a few snacks while he was waiting. at this point, three other customers had come in. i was helping the first when he told me he was ready to order, so i went to him while the other two waited in line. he told me what he wanted, and i went into speed mode, so my line guys wouldn't be waiting too long.
i grab my milk pitcher, saucer and cup before pulling the shot so that this drink will be quickly made and i can move on to the awaiting people. then he tells me this: "Umm, excuse me, your fingernail touched my cup, can you give me another one?" i couldn't mask my disgust for this man any longer. my response, in my most sarcastic, disbelieving voice was this: "My fingernail? Touched your cup?" He proceeded to show me exactly how my fingernail had touched the inside of his cup, so i laughed (and not in a "you're funny" way but more in a "you're an idiot" way), put his cup back at the top of the machine, did some overexaggerating pulling down the next cup, being sure to keep my fingers and nails off all parts of the inside, and got to shot pulling. usually at this point, i swallow everything and forget about it. but this time i could not. i say to him "my hands are clean" as i'm rushing through his order, still thinking of the awaiting people.
(*Side note - whenever i have a line at the shoppe, all i can think of is when i would play Sim Tower and my people would be waiting for an elevator and they would turn pink then red with anger at the amount of time they were waiting. in my mind, if anyone is waiting, they are inevitably pink or red.)
so then he starts trying to mumble justify this. "Don't take offense" I tell him that i wasn't offended. "It's not you, it's other people. What they bring in. When you touch something, or touch the ground..." Well, okay, now i am offended that you think I would do cartwheels all over the shoppe and not wash my hands. what baffles me is that this guy thinks i'm rubbing my hands on dirt and touching cups and plates, when we are all really good about washing our hands multiple times throughout the day. he says "most people wouldn't have noticed it" as part of his justification and like...what the fuck? how is that supposed to make anything better? THEN he says "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is." i remained silent through all this mumbling, but what i wanted to say was "do you know how it is? do you know how ANNOYING it is when you WASTE my time like this when i've got a line of RED PEOPLE?!" how is that a justification?!? how is "i worked in the restaurant business, i know how it is" a justification for asking for a new cup because my FINGERNAIL GRAZED the inside of his cup?! ARGH!!
while i was helping the red people, his girlfriend came in. after everything quieted down, i started feeling bad for kind of showing that i was a little miffed. so i overcompensated by being super nice. then i felt even worse when they actually left before closing (for once) and the girlfriend acknowledged that they usually stay late, so they were going to cut it short this time so i could get to closing. this is why i could never be a full time asshole, i'd feel bad about it most of the time.
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