fun with voicemail

when i record my outgoing voicemail message, i usually try to make it clever or entertaining in some way that will also get me a message that is clever or entertaining. i started doing this a couple phones ago (it's weird to me that i'm on my fifth phone, fourth if you don't count the tracfone that was my first cellular device once i upgraded from a beeper) because even though i would say my name in my outgoing message, i would still get all sorts of wrong numbers that would leave messages anyway. i once got a message that was like "Carol! I'm downstairs waiting for you!" if you hear a voicemail that's all "this is sara, leave a message"...would you go on to leave a message for carol? this guy did. and many others did for many others.

thus, one of my first non-standard outgoing greetings went something like "this is sara, leave a message. if you are not calling for sara, don't leave a message, because i don't know who you are and i won't call you back." that actually worked, and i don't think i got any misdirected voicemails. but then, that phone lived its life and i had to get a new one. i attempted to recreate the outgoing message, but it felt forced, and i had to go back to the drawing board.

another of my favorite outgoing messages was the one challenging callers to leave the best voicemail, and stating that only the caller who left the best voicemail would get a call back. (it was a bluff, i called everyone back) i got a lot of hilarious voicemails and songs out of that one, and i also got a lot of people getting nervous at the challenge and just rambling about how they couldn't think of something awesome to say but please call them back.

so this brings me now to the new phone i got just a couple weeks ago. sadly, i had to say goodbye to the Best Voicemail Competition (with fears that recreation would again feel forced). i think what i have now just very basically asks people calling me to leave a pleasant or hilarious message, since i love being entertained and/or pleased. i just got a phone call from a number i didn't recognize (aka a phone call that goes straight to voicemail). here is a transcript of the message i got:

"umm, hello, i think i've called the wrong number. i don't know if that's pleasant or hilarious, but...there it is. (laughs) ok. bye."

everyone wins!! he left a message, so i'm not left wondering who the eff in the catskills just called me. he was aware that i was not the intended party, but he abided by my voicemail rules! and i DID find it hilarious! should i call him back and ask him to marry me?

random question

do you think whack-a-mole and guacamole have anything to do with each other?

a trip down memory lane

eternal thanks to my wife for bringing this to my attention because if you've got some time to kill and some giggles to spare, then that is definitely the website for you. here are my favorite years:








if you do it, you have to share pleez!

Roller Derby

There was a time when my group of lades from college were all huddled in the northeastern section of the u. s. of a. then one year, one lade broke free to the west coast, and as a result, we have annual or semiannual grown up reunions. there are lots of events that take place during these meets -- shopping (not my fave), a tattoo or two, some sort of activity requiring drinking, coney island visits, performances by The Groins on rock band (not to be confused with The Crotch-Grabbing Groins), and much more...but there is one constant that remains through all these activities, and it is the creation of genius. One night, we were all sitting at a diner, and our friend fast ed decided to tell a story. before she started, i made the rule that we could only respond to her in cliched statements. hilarity ensued. i suggest you all try it at home, because it is more fun than a bag of jacks. more recently, sitting around at our favorite restaurant in little italy, we decided to figure out what our names would be were we all on a roller derby team together. what resulted was an extended period of time where we ran the gamut of beloved female characters (and others), turning them all into angry aggressive roller derby players. here is a list of what we came up with:

barbara balls to the walters, halle bury'em, strawberry scratch-cake
polly sock-it, betty cocker/blocker, i loathe lucy, sandra lay-it-on her,
the baby splitters club, nancy bruise, tina burner, splitney bruiston, gloria head-step-on, lowblowis lane, lois sprain, plunder woman, gloria blindem, barbara slap-em-in-the bush, margaret smackher, sojourner toothless, the virgin scary, scary magdalene, queen of smarts, dorothy and the blizzard of ahhhhhs, glinda the good bitch, poke your haunches, leave it to cleaver, debby hits em, dianne sawher, mia marrow, florence night and tale of woe, rambo bright, dolly pardon me while i crush you, cindi popper, chixie dicks, neve slambell, your body is a blunderland, penelope bruise, davie sockit, injurella, erin popyourbitch, painbo blight, malice in blunderland, snow why i oughta, spunky bruiser, alex smack, clarissa explains your fall, little bo beat, shearodney king, rape-unzel, singerella, my little bony, beauty and the beats, beauty and the teats, the little squirmaid, murphy frown


can you guys come up with any good ones? i'm going out of town for the weekend, but i'd love to see some winners in the comments when i get back!