paper bag chronicles

alright guys. here's the deal. this is the 700th post (wee!) and sadly, i think it's been at least a hundy since we've seen becca around these parts. i had this big plan for the 700th post, but it might take a little more time than i originally thought. and sometimes i can't say all i need to say in a 140 character tweet. and shit, i got stories to tell. so whenever the original 700th post ends up happening, we'll make a big deal of it. cool?

even though i'm not as hardcore as some of the other earth lovers out there, i do my best to cut my waste down. i recycle and reuse stuff as much as i can. whenever i go to the grocery store, i take a plastic bag full of plastic bags to deposit in their handy little plastic bag recycler. my point is, i make an effort.

this job that i started two and a half weeks ago (and any production job, really) gives me enough financial comfort where i feel i can do things like, say, eat breakfast. so on my way in, i get a fried egg and cheese (and turkey bacon, bitches!!) or a lil yogurt/granoley, or some sort of cream cheese doohicky, and every time they give me a bag. they are too quick for me to turn it down. the same thing happens at lunch. so i'm getting all these bags, and i don't want to throw them away. they're perfectly good bags. i can save them for when i have kids that are old enough that i need to pack their lunches in brown bags. (you think i'm kidding. you don't know how much stuff i save 'just in case' my future kids need it.) so i started saving these brown bags on the corner of my desk.

before i go on, let me drop some info bombs on y'all. i sit on the farthest side of the office, with a luxury bathroom view. every time someone needs to use the toilet, they need to pass me. (and everytime they need to drop a deuce, i get the first air freshener whiff.) also, every time they pass my computer, there's a good chance they get a glimpse of something i'm researching for work, which in these past few weeks have included photos of lynchings. add to this loner skinhead status that belch that i forgot to put the silencer on for, plus my corner stack of paper bags and i'm probably quite the weirdo.

my original goal in saving the first 5 or so bags was to take them out with me and just offer them to reuse instead of being given a new one. this method was problematic for several reasons. number one -- bags on the corner of my desk don't help when i'm getting breakfast on my way into the office. number two - when i would go out for lunch, i would take only my phone and my wallet, and would constantly forget to bring a bag with me. ONCE. once i remembered and i felt like the greatest little earth saver.

this brings us to today. today i felt like i wanted to make extra effort to make my bag dreams come true. i had even remembered to put a handful (i probably have about twenty at this point) in my bag so that i would have something for the way in. well, missed my shot at breakfast time because i skipped that meal today. as i'm leaving to get lunch, i surprise myself and remember to take my shoulder bag with me, knowing that i just put brown bags in it the night before. i head out and pick up a sandwich. the lady offers me a bag and i say 'no thank you! i came packing'. i grab my shit and turn around to pull out a little bag and see that my bag is empty. in all my wisdom, i took the handful of bags out at my apartment last night (i guess to put them in the Future Children's Belongings pile). so i just shove the sandwich in my shoulder bag and head to a bodega to get a beverage.
as i'm pulling change out of my pocket to pay for the chicka cherry cola, the too fast for me bodega lady has already slid my bottle into a bag and moved on to the next. why i didn't just give the bag back, we'll never know. but i took it. so on a journey that i should've had negative bags, i STILL ended up with one extra.

oh also, another time i had gotten some turkey chili and the girl offered a bag. i said no and she was all 'it's really hot. you're gonna need a bag'. why is the world against me saving it?!?!