The Aforementioned Wee Hour Programming

The other night I was having trouble falling asleep, so I flipped on my lil tv to see if it had anything to offer. Seeing as the lil tv exists in my bedroom where there is no cable box, there really wasn't much. I settled on GREG: The Greg Behrendt Show because I saw a snippet once before and it was truly terrible, so I thought it best to torture myself and see how much of a full episode I could sit through. Also, it was 3 am, so my only other options were infomercials. I lasted about 35 minutes before I shut my lil tv off in disgust. I was particularly lucky that morning because the topic of the day was "The Best of the Greg Behrendt Show". Let me tell you, if that's what they came up with for the best segments the show has ever had, then it's a real wonder that the show is still on the air.

For those who don't know, Greggy B was a coauthor on that horrid book "He's Just Not That Into You" and he's been milking it for all it's worth (which, in my oh so humble opinion, is not much). I don't even know how to describe how awful this show was. In the period of time that I wasted watching it, he chose the most random segments to highlight. He also made a "joke" (one of those that's actually true i'm sure) that they collected "thousands" of letters from "fans" who sent in what they thought the best segments were, and then paid zero attention to them and chose what Greg thought was the best. You know what that meant? That the choice segments were heavy on the Greg talk and lite on whatever that particular show was about. Then there was about 20 minutes of different video segments where greg goes out into the world and tries to be funny in a kind of lame pseudo-dane cook sort of way. an example of one of these would be how he went into a grocery store and admonished the place for catering to sexual deviants. i could try and explain that in more detail, but really its not worth it. he also talked about how bad his style was 'in the beginning' but it didn't really look like much in that department has changed. He then had a section devoted to Greg-overs. What makes a Greg-over different from a makeover? Nothing. I was kinda hoping a Greg-over meant someone would get changed to look like Greg. But i think he just calls it that hoping that it makes it manlier. Dude, you're in your 40's (and it shows. zing!) and you have the hair thing going on and the glasses thing sometimes and it really looks like you're trying too hard to look half your age. Also, the uncomfortable banter with the audience between the segments was mediocre stand up at best.

i don't know why this dude angers me so much. i've never read his dumb book but i've had to dole out some tough love because of it. actually, scratch that. i know several reasons why this dude angers me. it's just weird because i have such a hatred for a man i've had limited exposure to. anyone else?

SRC: PUA - A Friend of Mystery's...

All about kissin' today. This should be interesting.

The boys jump on Brady when he returns from elimination (fred probably wouldn't have gotten this reaction). Pradeep literally wraps his arms around him. Kosmo talks about how Brady needs to step his game up. I say tough talk from someone who's probably still there only because he's twice been the wingman.

Mystery shows up in a top hat. He is literally wearing a top hat. with goggles over it. he leads the boys to a room where they will learn about kissing. Tara, Mystery's main whore-for-hire, is there along with new friend Leia. Seriously. why would any girl want to be mystery's friend? Tara really has a hands on approach to helping nerds. i wonder what's in it for her. they talk about the importance of being a good kisser and then, something amazing happens. Leia is demonstrating with Tara some key pre-kiss moves such as the face caress and the lip touch and IMMEDIATELY Pradeep turns to Brady with his hand in the air, ready to practice. when he sees that the rest of the boys are gazing at the girl on girl action, he quickly faces front again. oh, pradeep, just come out. then the girls almost kiss and the boys practically mess their pants. pradeep overcompensates by throwing himself in front of the group to get a better look. the girls hand out peaches for the boys to practice kissing with. dirty! joe d starts eating his peach. lil chubs. then things get gross. the reward challenge - the reward is getting an earpiece for the next field challenge so that mystery can directly communicate and guide. WFH Tara will be blindfolded and each of the boys gets to makeout with her. poor scott i don't think has ever kissed anything. he gets a little overeager and tara has to stop him. joe d pecks and WFH Leia tells him to go in for more. what a gent. brady the ladies man seems confident enough about his kissing abilities. Leia has to break these two up. Joe W is not pleased with his work. perhaps if he could practice on a fellow contestant. Pradeep really goes in for the kill and tara notes that he's the only one that's taken control so far and she liked that. kosmo is next and says if there's one thing he knows it's kissing and when latinos come out of the womb, we know how to make out. and can i just say, i've never had any complaints. ka-pow! the boys come out for ranking first through third. there is a tie for second - Pradeep and Joe D. cute. the challenge winner is Kosmo. viva la raza!

the boys come out for lesson time: kiss tactics. Mystery instructs the boys to be touchy with everyone in sight. ugh. boundaries. can i note that mystery is wearing a shirt that makes it look like he's got full tattoo sleeves. their goal in the field test is to 'kiss close' a target. i'm going to tell you now that only one succeeds. care to make a guess?

Brady enters the club and starts utilizing his lessons. he don't wanna be on the choppin block tonight. he actually asks the question "what do you have going for you other than your looks?" Lesson 7 - Insult your target. i hate that mystery is teaching this behavior to scads of lovable losers. also worth noting is the girl brady chooses is wasted. he misses his chance with her though. joe D also misses his boat. pradeep gets painfully desparate. scott does an okay job but then gets dissed. the joes go to a two set and are both pretty successful, but Joe w didn't "pull the trigger". i wonder why. enter kosmo, being puppeteered by Mystery using phrases like "begin Kino escalation". whaaat?! and Success for Kosmo, because he 'kiss closes' his target. and since he was the only on to do so, he wins the field test and immunity.

Elimination time = The Level 3 green Kauna (had to check close caption this week) medallion, representing enlightenment, is up for grabs this time around. kosmo chooses the joes as his wingmen and i say good boy. after all, they have both given him wingman status in the past. So it's down to pradeep, scott, and brady. they each get advice. Brady is saved first. pradeep is again having a shitfit. for some unknown reason, scott gets the boot and pradeep is safe. sad! i think scott will be okay though. he's already made huge steps.

Wait, what?!

I was watching some late night television in the wee hours of this morning (you'll hear about the programming I settled on soon) when a commercial for Mirapex came on. If you don't know, Mirapex is the prescription drug for RLS, or Restless Leg Syndrome. Now, if you've ever been near me, you probably know that the energy i create by my shaky leg could power a small country. I used to identify this as a nervous habit, until people started asking what i was nervous about. So then, i stopped trying to defend it...it's just something i have to do most of the time. It's not necessary if, say, i'm sitting in a rocking chair or a swing. It's comforting, and I've never thought twice about it because my leg just kind of goes on autopilot. Anyway, my point is, i've never viewed it as some sort of affliction that needs to be medicated. Especially because i usually feel weird when my leg isn't shaking, so i wouldn't really want to be medicated for it. and really, it's kind of silly. i mean, it's silly that there's a medication for this, right? Also, I don't know much about the RLS, so my need to constantly shake my leg might not have anything to do with it. It doesn't matter, because my point here is about Mirapex and the commercial that aired for it.

The commercial went on as standard drug commercials do: Avant-garde animations show the everyday person bothered with some sort of wavy line representing the malady, a soothing woman's voice saying it'll all be okay if you take this pill, and the reading off of the side effects. I made sure to pay attention here because i was like "well, if i do have RLS and can legitimately get a prescription, what kind of fun do i have to look forward to?" (Usually the mention of 'nausea' turns me off) So the soothing lady starts off with "may cause drowsiness during everyday activities like driving." so i'm all 'score!' and then she's like "alcohol can increase the effects" and i'm like 'keep on singing to me lady' and then she's like 'may cause dizziness upon standing' and i'm thinking 'i wouldn't be standing too much then' and THEN, once you think she's done, she goes and tacks on "please consult your doctor if you experience increased impulses for gambling or sexual activity" and i was all 'wha-wha-whaaaattt?!' What kind of mystical drug is this? and how was soothing voice lady able to say this with a straight face? and how come drugs are so fucking crazy!?! does anyone have an answer?

Entourage question

what's going on with anna faris' lips?

SRC: Rock of Love Check-In

So I thought i'd do a quick check in here with everyone's favorite trash-tastic celeb boinking show, Rock of Love. and again, i should remind everyone to check out rich's celebreality recap because it's far superior to anything i could do. So we're down to five, and honestly i'm not at all surprised at who the five are. I am surprised it took him this long to dump mia, but who am i to question the mystery that is bret michaels. my hatred for lacey grows every week as if she were a person i actually knew and hated in real life. man why won't bret listen to EVERYONE? she's gonna cut him one day. again though, never question the bret. i personally think the top 3 will consist of jes, brandi, and heather, with jes and brandi battling it out for the prize. this might just be because they're my two favorites. what does anyone else think?

Well Twist my Knickers

We are less than one month away from the September 19th season premiere of America's Next Top Model and I couldn't be more excited. Pics of the girls of Cycle 9 (!) are up, so of course that means it's time for all of us to prematurely judge them based only on their looks, right? I'm not gonna post them here, but I will provide a link and my thoughts.

Click here! and you can find a group picture as well as individual pictures of the girls. My early FTW's based solely on looks are Heather, Lisa, and Sarah (the plus size who looks nothing like a plus size). Here are my brief, snap judgment thoughts on the rest:

Ambreal: nothing special
Bianca: grossly skinny
Chantal: eh
Ebony: resident tran
Janet: ummm
Jenah: has potential
Kimberly: i already hate her
Mila: reminds me of a scary doll
Saleisha: potential
Victoria: what the hell is this girl doing here. no seriously. can someone please tell me?


Now, y'all go check them out and leave your thoughts in the comments!



Link: [fourfour] via [topmodel lj]

Subway Spotlight: Here's random dude with a headache!

It’s time for another highly anticipated subway spotlight!!!!!

Picture this – you are me. You are sitting on a downtown 6 train in the seat closest to the door. As the train is about to leave the Astor Place station you hear the faint sound of a man’s scream and then see a foot wedged between the door. the man who belongs to the foot is outside the door and is vigorously attempting to open the door – then the door opens a little bit for the slightest moment. In this moment the man has enough time to get his face through the door, then the doors slam shut right on his face. It looked something similar to the photo below except less scary and much more funny!


It looked like it could have hurt a little, but the guy was able to unwedge his face from the door with the help of a companion and seemed to be laughing the situation off….so you probably don’t have to feel that bad for him. It probably bruised his ego more than his face.

P.s. – as a bonus to you for being so fantastic, here is a picture of someone’s dog doing an imitation of the guy getting his head stuck in the subway door. It's from this site, about a very cute dog.

Extreme Makeover!!

Like our sexy new look? while you guys are deciding, check out this awesome vid that i just came across:



and let us know how you feel about our makeover in the comments!!

SRC: PUA - Women are Like Toddlers

We come in on the boys having a cryfest over Spoon's departure. I don't blame them. Mystery phone-recording summons the dudes to..a library? His hair is down, so we know he means business. Lesson 5: It doesn't matter if what you're saying is stupid and boring, as long as you say it animatedly, the girl will love you. (i think that only works if the girl is drunk or tripping.) He then trots out a group of girl tots that the boys have to each tell the story of Goldilocks and the three bears to -- because if a guy can hold the attention of a 4 year old, then he will have no problem entering into poontang heaven. Joe W. gays it up, Kosmo makes up his own crazy version starring spongebob and possibly britney spears (post-shaved head). Fred comes off slightly pedophilic. Poor scott gets the group when they are rowdy and tired of hearing the same story. joe d has clearly worked as a camp counselor or something before. brady's hair is getting a life of its own. soon it will want its own medallions. pradeep gets piled on by all the girls. i guess that means he wins if toddlers are the same as women in the club. Well, pradeep actually does win, and not because he does a stellar job, but because when it came to judging time he noticed he wasn't getting any votes, so he just started pointing to himself. and since kids are easy to fool, they started voting for him. the other boys are pissed, because pradeep really didn't do the best job. his prize is a one on one lesson with mystery (which he'll probably ignore, since that's his style.)

Mystery says that Pradeep will play the role of a female target in this demonstration and starts to grab his hands. Pradeep's secret dreams are coming true right here and he practically closes his eyes with pleasure. Mystery teaches Pradeep another silly magic trick that, if a girl is drunk enough to let some fool go through the entire setup, then you don't need the trick in the first place.

Lesson 6 - If you can be interesting, then the woman will become interested in you. Oh, Mystery. What great world wonder will you discover next? !! Scott is our first admitted D&D player!! i knew he had it in him, with those lengthy blinks of his. Brady brings up something that is one of my big problems with this show. Well, first off, he's already turning kind of smarmy. still the most together, but definitely going the way of mystery. anyway, he says that the girls he has gotten in life he always thought he just got lucky, but now he finds there is a system. "And when you follow the system, there's a connection and when you don't there's no connection." (Brady 2007) That's just not fucking true. Every other person in the world who wasnt' rejected so much growing up that they felt they had to create a system doesn't follow these wacky rules. maybe it's because i'm from the school of preexisting connections -- if there's a connection there's a connection, if not, there isn't -- but it's ridiculous that probably for the rest of their lives these boys will try to get girls with cheesy "gambits" and ridiculous "peacocking" that has nothing to do with them actually connecting to the girl as a person and not just a target. I'm glad spoon got out early.

Field test -- this time the boys have to get digits on their Virgin Mobile phones. (haha, some of them are virgins, so they really are Virgin mobile phones.) Ugh. Mystery says to the group "remember, they're just like little girls out there" and it makes me want to vomit on his ugly clothes for like 8 reasons. I really wish one of the guys would go up to a girl and start telling the goldilocks story. So, brady goes up to a group, gets introduced, and asks what the girls do. which is a completely normal thing to do, but the mPUA's get flustered and offended that he isn't using their material. blech. also, aren't these guys worried they'll use the same cheesy opening on the same targets? that would be totally suspicious. pradeep completely cock blocks fred. this twosome picking up girls would make for a great show on its own. none of the dudes get numbers. wah wah. so they have to use other mysterious ways to choose a winner. this week its joe w. he gets the same wingman picking thing. pradeep outrightly asks joe for one of the coveted slots. joe w acts all superior but ultimately decides to save him.

umm, has that lip imprint always been on mystery's neck? either answer is bad. if it's a tattoo...ooh..bad choice. if it's a temporary tattoo...sad choice. about as sad as fred's hatwear choice. Legus (?) is the yellow level 2 medallion. it represents "cleansing action". The fuck? Joe's second wingman is Kosmo. They must really feel sorry for that poor kid because he keeps getting wingman status. The boys are then medallionized in this order: Joe D, Scott, Brady. Fred gets dumped because, well...they really wanted to let him go last week before spoon interrupted. so, he will continue on with his 45 years of virginity, and, one hopes, a Virgin mobile phone. That way, if he's on the move somewhere, he'd be a mobile virgin with a Virgin Mobile. Ok, i'm done with that.

The 300.......th Post!

We find it rather appropriate that for our 300th post we are also introducing you to the latest coolfacelette! It is a momentous occasion indeed, so without further ado - let us introduce at true inspiration to us both - Sandie!!!!!!!!


(this image has been brought to you by the magical photoshopp skills of sara martinez)

Sandy is special to Cooler than Stupid for so many reason....she has been a consistent, thoughtful and hilarious commenter, in addition to being a close friend of mine in real life. Though she may be best remembered for her starring role in the 300, you may also remember her as having directed the cool girls to a job posting to which we never actually applied (but we did think about it...however we both suffer from a severe case of lazy). Sandie's biggest contribution could possibly be her suggestion for Cooler than Stupid to review the newest show we love to hate and hate to love - The Pick Up Artist.

Sandie is a blogger herself - so why do you do yourself a favor and check out littlejeans sometime?

Welcome to the fam Sandie!

P.S. - Here is a more normal picture of Sandie.

SRC: PUA - Get Out Your 20-Sided Die

Lessons learned thus far:
1- Get a stupid nickname
2- Act as obnoxious as possible
3- Demand that your target buy you a drink

What shall we learn today?

Poor little Spoon is always crying in his interviews. Mystery starts the day with an anthropology lesson. He tells the boys that they are more attracted to girls with short skirts and low cut tops so they, in turn, must wear tight pants (and, one presumes, silly headgear). I have a couple problems with this. One, he's basically telling the boys to only go for the slutty whores. Well, no wonder he has a great success rate. 2nd, he actually told them that they need to wear tight pants. no no no. he's creating an army of him! aarrgh!

lesson 4 - don't fit in. stand out. the first challenge is for the boys to create an avatar of themselves...or something. i half expected these geeks to run to their computers and start creating new Second Life characters. but no, he wants them to dress flashy and do something wild with their hair. wow. golden advice. their reward is a 'lovely' female friend of mystery's that the winner will get to practice with. any friend of mystery is a whore for his students. i think when he's not 'teaching' or picking girls up, mystery and his friends spend all their time playing Dungeons & Dragons. Between the stupid nicknames and the avatars, i'm thinking life is just one big D&D game. i'm surprised he doesn't order the wenches at the pub to procure for him a pitcher of grog.

MAKEOVERS!!! This is gonna be bad, y'all. also, pradeep is so gay. last episode, he only talked to guys at the bar and at the clothing store, says he wouldn't mind coming off as 'more gay'. scott is a loveable weird al nerd. does anyone else see the resemblance? Fred gets clothes you'd expect a 45 year old virgin changing his image to get. there are haircuts, waxings, and peroxide galore. spoon gets an ear piercing or three. let me just break right here and philosophically wonder if mystery's students are ever busted for being posers. this whole forced image thing makes me think that girls who are drawn to the type of facade these guys are putting up are usually also interested in the personality being there too. i'd think they'd be disappointed to find it's just a nerd playing dress up. don't get me wrong, i love a good nerd as much as the next gal (lord knows they love me), but just embrace it and learn how to interact with people. whatever, though. they're excited.

brady gets high marks. (duh). Scott is an improvement. Joe W...well, he spends a lot of time in his closet, so what he comes out with makes sense. (zing!) he also put two 6 gauge holes in his ears. ouch. Fred tried too hard to be young and failed miserably. he also got a piercing. what are these guys thinking? alvaro looks like he went shopping in the 80's with michael jackson. pradeep gets laughed at. spoon gets high marks. i kind of love this spoon guy. joe d reminds me of one of the dogs in goofy's crew. you know, one of the chunkier ones. they made him feel bad about his look. :( spoon wins the challenge. YAY! his prize is a real life woman.

Man, mystery's headgear for the day is something else. it's an extra wide black fuzzy headband topped by what looks like wooden 3D tanning glasses. i hate him. he keeps saying spoon won this lady. it's gross. tara comes to help spoon while the boys practice with each other. (pradeep and joe w love this i'm sure). they each memorize fake stories to open a convo with. blech. on the way to the club, alvaro announces his new stupid name to us: Kosmo. As in Kramer? he's got the hair. the boys are back at the club and have varying degrees of success. for some reason, kosmo starts breakdancing. kosmo might have something wrong. Like with his brain. poor little spoon enters the club and leaves straightaway because he's still scarred from the rejection last time. he heads into the truck to cry to the mPUA's and they give him a pep talk. I love Spoon. It might have something to do with his resemblance to one of my better exes.

Joe D wins the field test. i'm rooting for this fluffy guy. his prize is safety from elimination. he gets to choose 2 wingmen who will also be safe. Sheesh, give those wingmen two wingmen and the mPUA's won't have to choose someone to eliminate. Oh my god. there are MEDALLIONS!! he TOTALLY plays D&D!! There are 6 medallions before the final red medallion that only master pick up artists can wear. this is so weird!! the first is the symbol of Burkanon (?!) representing rebirth. weird weird weird. joe d chooses brady and kosmo. they all get medallions. oh ps, mystery is wearing his stupid jamiroquai hat. the boys are safe in this order: joe w, scott, and pradeep (who had a shit fit until he was called). it is between fred and spoon....and spoon raises his hand and says he wants out. :( Fred gets the final medallion. spoon gets my respect because the nightclub thing wasn't for him or who he was. so he's going to chug along at his own pace. call me!

Beloved Coney Island

A few months ago, I found out that this summer would be the last that Coney Island's Astroland Park would be in operation. and since summerly trips to coney island are somewhat of a tradition for my friends and i, this news hit me right in the blood pumper. i know that just because astroland is going away doesn't mean coney island will be gone (there's still deno's wonder wheel park and the cyclone, among several other attractions), but it still feels like a big piece of the whole will be missing. The wonderful thing about Coney Island and its ratty ass boardwalk (for reals, that thing is slapstick comedy waiting to happen) is that you are always promised at least one truly spectacular sight. Whether its something you intentionally seek out (the freak show), something that passes you by (if you ever want to feel good about yourself in a bathing suit/bikini, head down to the beach), or, as in the case of my most recent trip there, something that you just happen to be in the right place for.

My friends and i were chilling on the boardwalk in front of one of the many concession stands. The sun was hateful that day, so the three of us decided to get ice cream cones to lower our body temperature. As we stood there licking up the rapidly melting soft serve, we heard some shouting not too far in front of us. Two men were shouting "puto" back and forth at each other...which i'm guessing is the masculine form of "puta"...which is one of my favorite spanish words. This happened for a while until one of the dudes gestured at some fizzled out looking lady and said "puta!!". At this point, we figured this lady, we'll call her crackwhore, had something to do with the fight...we just really couldn't figure out what. So then, the shouting seems to settle, but we've still got our eyes glued to the action...just in case. Then the lead guy from the Boardwalk Thugs heads back to his shouting partner representing the Crackwhore Posse and starts to threaten him upclose. At this point, a very large man with a pink bandanna from the CP (who, i would've definitely been scared of, but ended up not really doing any damage i think because he was too fat) holds the two apart and in a very calm and genteel voice says 'Alright, alright, let's calm down here." This is where it gets impressive. Apparently, the Boardwalk Thugs had a strategy, because it's at this time when one of the members, unbeknownst to anyone, had slipped behind the leader of the CP and took this opportunity to break a bottle over his head. ! I thought that only happened in movies! So this move officially starts the ruckus. Bottle breaker starts punching lead CP in the head, chairs are getting knocked over, table umbrellas getting tossed. At one point, the actual crackwhore gets knocked out of her chair and lands seated on the floor. She stays in this position through the fight and for about 10 minutes after it's over. seriously. my friends and i are feverishly eating our ice cream and taking this in. we stepped back a couple steps when the fight got bigger, but otherwise were holding firm. Then, it happened. Lead CP, pissed and bleeding, lumbers over to one of the barrel trash cans on the outskirts of the concession stand, aka a few steps from our comfy viewing point, picks it up over his head Donkey Kong-style, and hoists back like he's just gonna toss the fucking thing and he don't care what it hits. At this point, my friends and i, as well as the rest of the surrounding crowd, start to run to get out of the way. We get to a safer point and turn around to find out that one of his buddies talked him out of that stupid idea and that team BT had retreated on foot. One friend and i resume licking our ice creams, turn to the third friend and say "wow! you finished already?!" Her response was that she chucked it when we started running away. I guess we had different priorities.

oh astroland, you may be leaving us with a hole in coney island and a hole in our hearts, but let's hope that does not affect the sights we all really want to see when we take the train to the end of the line.

SRC: The Pick-Up Artist

Thanks to a hot tip from extremely loyal reader littlejeans, we now have a new show to keep summer reality corner running... VH1's The Pick-Up Artist.

So, here we are, with eight "hopeless" boys that are interested in learning how to pick up ladies. guiding them through their journey will be "Master Pick Up Artist" Mystery. (Yes, he was given a real name at birth [Eric] but he actually wants to be called Mystery.) What is no mystery, as we see from old photos, is that he too used to be a major dork. The first time i watched this episode, i missed this intro part where we found out that Mystery was a big nerd and couldn't get the ladies, so he came up with a nerdly system and now roams the world as a great pick up artist. When i caught it later, everything kind of made sense. it was all a big 'of course'.

Meet the boys:
Joe D - a chubs who always gets stuck in 'friend' or 'brother' mode. he has ...an interesting way about him that i can't quite place my finger on yet.
Pradeep - one of those really annoying dudes that are really just very hopeless. here's a quote: "The entire world doesn't need to know i shit my pants and am uncircumsized." no. no we didn't. but we do now don't we? whose fault is that?
Fred - 45 years old. Virgin.
Steven - lovable bespectacled asian dude. goes by the name of spoon.
Scott - nerd through every portion of his being. kind of resembles a nerd weird al.
Joe W - looks like he shouldn't have a problem. he says he can't get girls because they all think he's gay. i'm calling bullshit on this guy. for one- once a girl thinks you're gay and you tell them you aren't, it shouldn't be a problem unless you are actually gay. secondly, i saw this guy as an extra on the season premiere of my fave guilty pleasure "south of nowhere" yesterday and therefore i think he's just trying to make a name for himself.
Brady - has the most hope here. i honestly can't see the problem with this guy.
Alvaro - 23 years old. never had a girlfriend. scared of women.

The guys get a phone call from Mystery and it is clearly just a recording on the other end. he's probably busy picking up loads of girls. My first impressions of Mystery were this - everything about the guy shouldn't add up to what he is. he wears stupid hats all the time, he has the kind of long hair that generally isn't wicked sexy, he wears edgy guy eyeliner, for really goes by the name of Mystery, and takes himself and his 'work' far too seriously. After finding out that he was an ex-nerd (if that's at all possible) it all added up. Regardless, these boys aren't the only ones interested in finding out how this douche gets the ladies. His friends(/wingmen/former students) are called J-Dog and Matador. okay, rule 1, get yourself a silly name. Spoon is way ahead of them. From now on when i go out, I will make people call me La Computadora. All three of them go by the title of Master Pick Up Artists, or PUA's for short. I wonder if that's how they require their names to be written. c/o Matador, mPUA . like an esq, or dds.

At the end of the show, only one of the dudes in training will earn the completely made up and useless title of master pick up artist. and they'll get to travel the world with mystery, j-dog, and matador, giving other dweebs false hope with pickup magic tricks. oh and a check from mystery for $50,000 to keep the lifestyle up. HOW DOES HE EARN MONEY?! scamming nerds i bet.

They all go to a nightclub riddled with hidden cameras. Mystery will unleash these poor souls into the wild while he and his cronies hide in a 'not obvious' truck full of video equipment and critique each of their existing methods. it should be noted that he has a piercing right through his soul patch and his headgear today looks like it once belonged to a character in hellboy. how does this guy get ladies? and again, where does he get income. he must be an escort. it's the only way it makes sense.

We then watch as mystery assesses the boys and frankly, i'm weirded out by this whole thing. they have terms ('two set') -- like this whole thing is just a hobby to be studied and shown off. there are probably so many of these dudes out there and mystery is their man-god. a xerxes of sorts. its like not picking people up for potential dating, or picking people up for a night of sex...it's picking people up just for the sake of showing off that you can.

After the boys crash and burn, mystery and his crew of mpua's show them how its done. and guys, i figured out their secret -- it is to be as obnoxious and self-loving as possible! seriously, maybe this is why i'm always single, but anytime a dude has employed moves on me similar to these guys, i am immediately disinterested. and what seems to be their golden line - 'buy me a drink' - is so pathetic. a guy once pulled that on me and my friends and he got laughed at to his face. so still, we are at the same question, why do these girls eat it up?

mystery tells the boys that since they haven't officially learned anything, no one gets eliminated this week. that's nice. i'm looking forward to actually seeing some of these guys get ladies because they make me sad. i'm also looking forward to the MAKEOVERS!!! (come back soon top model) my current pick for the win is brady, because i really can't see what's wrong with him.

They're coming...

An 8 ft. tall Lego man emerged from a Dutch Sea signaling the start of the Great Lego War of '07. We weren't expecting their troops to attack for another couple of months, what with our army all tied up elsewhere, so the authorities are recommending that you stay in your house, and destroy any blocks with circles in them, to prevent the enemy from adding on. The Lego Man brought with him a message on his shirt, but as of yet, no one has been able to decipher it.

Please everyone, stay on your guard. As you can see from the picture, it seems they are only interested in gathering children of the corn.

I think they can dance...

does anyone else watch 'so you think you can dance'? because...maybe it's because all dance looks really cool to me, or maybe it's because i never watched this show before two weeks ago and therefore haven't given my heart to a single contestant (or had a chance to know if i should hate any of them), but MAN! i think all 6 of the remaining contestants should win. they're all so good! can they have six winners? i hate to think that two are going home next week. am i crazy? who should i be rooting for?

SRC: Age of Love, Season Finale

This is it, y'all. I'm on Team Jen all the way. We get a quick recapping of the season and some of these ladies I completely forgot about. I've become rather fond of the opening credits/theme song. Makes me wanna dance. I'll miss it dearly.

They start us at the end -- how creative. We hear Mark say he's decided, we see the women each walk toward him, we hear him break up with one of them -- we can only see the back of her head. We then see a "My Days with Amanda" montage...subtitle: "Psycho and me". Then we see the Jen montage, aka "how can you NOT choose Jen" clips. Is anyone really on Team Amanda? (Spoiler alert: apparently yes)

The three go to the parents house. Jen wisely has gotten a gift for Mark's mama. Amanda shit talks that jen is just playing the game and being a brat by not telling amanda that she got a gift so amanda wouldn't copy her (which is perfectly okay). she then whines about how she feels stupid for not getting a gift. Hate. Everyone is stunned at finding out jen's age, but in a good way. compliments all around. mark's sis says in an interview that age doesn't matter. yes! jen steals the convo while amanda just sits there like a dud. we learn a fun fact about amanda: she doesn't know how to make a salad. seriously? jen is clearly winning with the family. amanda is stupid and so greasy. Jen gets the first one on one date and guess what? amanda complains. we hear the family's thoughts...Basically, the whole family liked jen better but the mom liked amanda better. mark's friend perceptively says that's probably just because she wants grandkids.

Jen's date - gondola ride on the river. amanda, cloaked in black and murderous thoughts, talks about her jealousy. in case you hadn't heard, she's way jealous when anyone but her is with mark. i think she's probably jealous of herself when she's with mark. after the ride, and after jen secretly tells mark her orgasm record (i'm curious), they go for a meal and spooning at the aquarium.

amanda's date - conservation park. ugh. everything amanda says and does grates my nerves. she gets to pet a koala and i hate her more because of it. amanda is jealous of jen's date whilst on her own date. set them crazy eyes on focus, girl. they go to dinner at a japanese restaurant. i hope they washed their hands.

umm -- hold up here. amanda actually says this: "there is another woman in the picture and there is a slight chance that he's feeling things with her too." UGH! amanda - we're down to two women here. it's more than a slight chance, it's a definite thing. you have not been the only girl here! grr. here's the difference between jen and amanda (aside from 23 years) - jen says she could fall in love with mark, amanda says she is in love with mark. idiot.

jen and amanda have a heart to heart holding hands. maybe they'll end up together. jen is such a classy lady and amanda is such a mess.

decision time: they make this really suspenseful. i'm a little nervous myself. mark chooses amanda. that cocksucker. i'm so over this show. i hope amanda drives mark crazy with her psycho jealousy.

That's all for Summer Reality Corner for the time being! thanks for reading.